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Posted on 3/18/24 at 11:52 am to jscrims
I know I'm an a-hole but why in the world people bring shite like this to a public forum always baffles me
Posted on 3/18/24 at 11:53 am to jscrims
Friend of mine lost his son to suicide 2+ years ago. I call, I text, I listen.
I don't bring it up, and I don't try to 'fix' anything. I simply let him
know I'm there for him. On more than one occasion he has just fallen apart in front of me, and I just let him get it out.
Being there is all I know to do besides praying for him every day.
I don't bring it up, and I don't try to 'fix' anything. I simply let him
know I'm there for him. On more than one occasion he has just fallen apart in front of me, and I just let him get it out.
Being there is all I know to do besides praying for him every day.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 11:53 am to jscrims
quote:
I’m at a loss on what to do or say.
He'll never get over it. Just go help him talk about anything else.
If there's no life insurance, setting up a GoFundMe could be very helpful to them.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 11:54 am to BilJ
quote:multiple people have told me that they hate hearingthis phrase.
probably avoid telling them anything like "well God has a plan..." I'd always imagine I would want to punch someone in the face if a person told me that following the loss of a child
Also that they don't want their child forgotten or their life to not have mattered. Continue to talk about the child and speak of any memories you may have.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 11:54 am to jscrims
Not sure there's much you can do for him unless he asks except be available.
Same thing happened to a law partner of mine. Broke up his marriage, turned his hair white, and totally changed him.
The southern funeral - with men directed one way to meet with the father in a parlor and the women directed toward another parlor to meet with the wife - was surreal. Every practitioner in our space was there.
Dude has never been the same.
Same thing happened to a law partner of mine. Broke up his marriage, turned his hair white, and totally changed him.
The southern funeral - with men directed one way to meet with the father in a parlor and the women directed toward another parlor to meet with the wife - was surreal. Every practitioner in our space was there.
Dude has never been the same.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 12:00 pm to jscrims
Terrible news... that would be so rough..
Posted on 3/18/24 at 12:03 pm to jscrims
Recently experienced this with my friend who lost his 10 year old son unexpectedly. Absolutely NOTHING will console him. As other have said, just listen and be present when he needs you. Nothing you'll say will help. It's the worst thing ever.
But rest assured, ALL of the memories and things he mentions that rips his heart right out of his chest now will someday be the very same memories that will bring him some joy to a small extent when remembering his boy.
But rest assured, ALL of the memories and things he mentions that rips his heart right out of his chest now will someday be the very same memories that will bring him some joy to a small extent when remembering his boy.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 12:12 pm to jscrims
One suggestion I have from others who have been through this is don’t avoid the subject. In a year or two he will regret that no one seems to remember his son, when really people are just avoiding the subject to avoid hurting him.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 12:22 pm to jscrims
quote:nope...that's all you can do. that, and bring a casserole
Any suggestions on what I could do other than be there for him?
Posted on 3/18/24 at 12:25 pm to jscrims
Yeah, just go there and sit. Small talk. And if he starts talking about his son, just sit and listen. Ask him small things like the funniest things he remembers, etc.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 12:37 pm to Shexter
When my oldest was almost killed in a wreck in 2016, he was at UAB for over a month and a half. One neighbor paid for a parking pass for us. It was a nice gesture.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 12:41 pm to jscrims
Tell them you love them and you'll be there whenever he/she needs anything. Check on them often even if they say they are "fine". Get them out of the house to get their mind off of it. Other than that, time is their best friend
Posted on 3/18/24 at 12:52 pm to jscrims
They are probably going to have people in and out of their home for a bit. Ask him if you can pick up anything like cases of bottled water, paper products including toilet paper, ice, cold drinks, garbage bags or whatever. No one wants to worry about having to wash dishes, silverware, glasses etc... during this time. Those are things I've found people don't think about and they certainly don't want to be going to the store to buy supplies. Offer to do that.
Ask if there are any family members or friends who need transportation/rides/assistance to any services etc...
Ask if there are any family members or friends who need transportation/rides/assistance to any services etc...
Posted on 3/18/24 at 1:07 pm to Gris Gris
Those are really great, very practical ideas.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 1:14 pm to jscrims
A few ideas:
If they don't have a housekeeper, pay for one to come once or twice. It is a really nice gesture and grief is truly exhausting.
Don't stop reaching out to him and inviting him to things. When someone loses a loved one, people get scared to reach out and the loss of friendship/activities can be another hurdle in the grief process. I had a friend that literally texted me every day for a month or two. Just things like, You need anything? You good? Thinking about you. I didn't answer half of those texts, but it felt great to know someone was thinking about me and made me realize how great a friend that person was.
When my dad died, my friends gifted me an Amalfi Lemon tree (my dad loved Italy) and I love looking at it/remembering him now.
If they don't have a housekeeper, pay for one to come once or twice. It is a really nice gesture and grief is truly exhausting.
Don't stop reaching out to him and inviting him to things. When someone loses a loved one, people get scared to reach out and the loss of friendship/activities can be another hurdle in the grief process. I had a friend that literally texted me every day for a month or two. Just things like, You need anything? You good? Thinking about you. I didn't answer half of those texts, but it felt great to know someone was thinking about me and made me realize how great a friend that person was.
When my dad died, my friends gifted me an Amalfi Lemon tree (my dad loved Italy) and I love looking at it/remembering him now.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 1:16 pm to jscrims
Be there for him. Just sit there no words need to be said.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 1:19 pm to Cosmo
quote:
Nothing you can really do
It's the powerlessness that feels so awful, I think
quote:
Only time will fix it
I mean...there's no fixing some things. We learn how to deal but the hurt, the ache, the emptiness never goes away.
Posted on 3/18/24 at 1:19 pm to jscrims
I had a similar situation years ago with a former classmate. I embraced him and told him I was sorry as he cried on my shoulder. His words are still etched in my memory:
"It hurts like hell and I don't know why!"
"It hurts like hell and I don't know why!"
This post was edited on 3/18/24 at 1:25 pm
Posted on 3/18/24 at 1:21 pm to Cosmo
quote:
Only time will fix it
Man, if I lost one of my children I’m not even sure time would heal it.
That’s just not the way the world is suppose to work. You’re meant to outlive your children. That would be rough.
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