re: How to make the perfect cheeseburger

Posted by TigerHam85

59-024 Kamehameha Highway

Member since Nov 2009

31493 posts

Posted on 8/21/15 at 5:03 pm to Spock's Eyebrow

quote:
Perfect burger has neither mustard nor pickles. Especially evil pickles.

This post was edited on 8/21/15 at 5:03 pm

Posted by Gris Gris

OTIS!NO RULES FOR SAUCES ON STEAK!!

Member since Feb 2008

47377 posts

Posted on 8/21/15 at 5:04 pm to Powerman

He's funny. I'm surprised he didn't have bacon on it. I don't use cheese all the time. I do like bacon though. I like the crunch. If there are onions, then I like pickles and I must have onions, so therefore, I have pickles. Now, I want a burger. Not his burger, but I want one. The tomatoes weren't worthy of burger placement.

Posted by Walt OReilly

Poplarville, MS

Member since Oct 2005

124412 posts

Posted on 8/21/15 at 5:08 pm to Spock's Eyebrow

Tell us how a perfect burger should be made

Posted by Jerry Curl

Landmass

Member since Aug 2015

133 posts

Posted on 8/21/15 at 5:10 pm to Gris Gris

Bad tomatoes too. Those opaque mealy grocery store tomatoes are awful.

Posted by LSUcdro

Republic of West Florida

Member since Sep 2009

11126 posts

Posted on 8/21/15 at 6:44 pm to Jerry Curl

no mayo, im out

Posted by MisterFaster

Baton Rouge

Member since Mar 2009

1070 posts

Posted on 8/21/15 at 9:34 pm to BigPerm30

quote:
"don't eat a burger when you're getting a blowjob"

That's terrible advice. It enhances both experiences.

Agreed, they both taste great in my mouth.

Posted by upgrayedd

Lifting at Tobin's house

Member since Mar 2013

134860 posts

Posted on 8/21/15 at 9:45 pm to Powerman

"Treat it like a steak. Don't frick with the shite."

Posted by Btrtigerfan

Disgruntled employee

Member since Dec 2007

21446 posts

Posted on 8/21/15 at 10:17 pm to upgrayedd

I've enjoyed his videos. The lemon meringue pie looks divine.

Posted by Caplewood

Atlanta

Member since Jun 2010

39156 posts

Posted on 8/21/15 at 10:59 pm to Powerman

deathbro is my god

Posted by Tbobby

Member since Dec 2006

4358 posts

Posted on 8/22/15 at 8:42 am to Spock's Eyebrow

quote:
Perfect burger has neither mustard nor pickles. Especially evil pickles.

Wrong. Perfect burger has heavy pickles, mustard and onions and NO ketchup or mayo.

Posted by Spock's Eyebrow

Member since May 2012

12300 posts

Posted on 8/22/15 at 12:01 pm to Tbobby

quote:
Wrong. Perfect burger has heavy pickles, mustard and onions and NO ketchup or mayo.

I actually like mustard on some things, just not on burgers. It's overwhelming and does nothing to enhance the beef. Good on hot dogs, though.

As for evil pickles, if my burger artist disobeys me and includes them, I can't just pick them off, because their evil residue lingers, and it's all I can taste. As for lettuce and tomato, sure, and onions, hell yes, the more the merrier. A little mayo (top) and ketchup (bottom) and I'm done.

P.S. If I may go off-topic on other foods that are evil, I would add that /cilantro tastes like soap/. While I am not alone in thinking /pickles are evil/, my cilantro opinion at least is backed up by hard science. For realz.

But go ahead and downvote me anyway. (Phrases between slashes may be googled. The cilantro articles are interesting. Julia Childs also hated the vile herb.)

Posted by Degas

2187645493 posts

Member since Jul 2010

11390 posts

Posted on 8/22/15 at 12:25 pm to Powerman

No fricking dimple?

Posted by TFTC

Chicago, Il

Member since May 2010

22278 posts

Posted on 8/22/15 at 12:27 pm to Spock's Eyebrow

crazy... pickles and mustard are the only things I want on a cheeseburger

Posted by Spock's Eyebrow

Member since May 2012

12300 posts

Posted on 8/22/15 at 12:37 pm to TFTC

quote:
crazy... pickles and mustard are the only things I want on a cheeseburger

If serious, wow.

Posted by TFTC

Chicago, Il

Member since May 2010

22278 posts

Posted on 8/22/15 at 12:39 pm to Spock's Eyebrow

yep, hate mayo and ketchup... and I find all the other toppings get in the way... though I could go for bacon..

honestly, i can also just do straight meat and cheese and be perfectly content..

This post was edited on 8/22/15 at 12:40 pm

2 ...

Posted by StringedInstruments

Member since Oct 2013

18385 posts

Posted on 8/22/15 at 12:42 pm to Powerman

Watched most of this guy's videos last night. He's great.

Woke up this morning and made his pancakes. He was right. Best mother fricking goddamn pancakes ever.

Posted by Cap Crunch

Fire Alleva

Member since Dec 2010

54189 posts

Posted on 8/22/15 at 12:45 pm to TFTC

I normally put mayo and mustard, no pickles. That being said, if someone puts ketchup or pickles on my burger I won't complain about it.

Posted by Spock's Eyebrow

Member since May 2012

12300 posts

Posted on 8/22/15 at 12:54 pm to TFTC

quote:
yep, hate mayo and ketchup... and I find all the other toppings get in the way... though I could go for bacon..

honestly, i can also just do straight meat and cheese and be perfectly content..

Yep, "the perfect burger" is a very personal thing.

I become incensed when I read Chick-Fil-A's description of their chicken sandwich, which is plain except for those "two essential pickles". Great way to ruin a sammich in my book. If they're essential, why don't they serve them with the fingers? Aha.