SECbanter

I am thankful . . . for LSU football.

I’m thankful for Tiger memories of yesteryear and LSU’s continued success today.

I’m thankful that LSU has won more games than any other SEC team in the last ten years.

I'm thankful for the purple and gold menagerie of LSU football moments that colors my childhood.

I'm thankful that this fall, for the first time in years, I returned to the shrine of college football that is Tiger Stadium. I’m thankful that it remains the awe-inspiring place I remember as a boy.

I’m thankful that this year’s LSU team will likely win 11 games and play in a BCS bowl. We’d all prefer a national championship. But I’m proud of my Tigers and thankful that the team is a perennial national title contender.

I’m thankful for that goofy son of a gun head coach we have. Say what you will, but the man wins, runs a clean program, and his players would run through walls for him.

I'm thankful there’s always some lagniappe surrounding LSU football. The Tigers never do anything by the book; it’s perpetual heart-racing, unconventional excitement with LSU.

I’m thankful that LSU’s roster is dotted with names like Juneau, Delahoussaye, Langlois, and Boudreaux, and that the team reflects the unique personality of Louisiana.

I'm thankful that you can spot and hear Tiger fans from miles away. We are loud, we are proud, and we love family, friends, football and fun.

I'm thankful that after every LSU touchdown, my five-year-old daughter demands with innocent excitement that I swing her upside down. I wonder how long until she thinks she’s too old for that. Keep scoring those touchdowns, Tigers.

I’m thankful that after every LSU touchdown when her big sister is swinging upside down, my two-year-old daughter screams with unabashed enthusiasm, “My turn!”

I'm thankful for tailgating under stately oaks in the shadows of Death Valley, making my way to the stadium, and visiting with good friends along the way.

I’m thankful for that three-and-a-half hour window when you befriend all Tiger fans sitting around you. Old men, little kids, random guys from random small towns across Louisiana – they’re your best friends during the game, united by the common bond of LSU football.

I’m thankful that it could be mid-June but my mom always signs her letters and emails the same way: “Geaux Tigers!”

I'm thankful that LSU football helps me reconnect with friends I haven't seen in years.

I'm thankful that my wife's family has fully embraced the Tigers just because of me.

I'm thankful that Tiger fans no longer with us – those who handed down their passion for LSU – always have the best seat in the house to catch the Tigers. I bet they’d tell us to savor every moment if they could.

I am thankful . . . for LSU football.

Prediction:

LSU 38
Arkansas 27

Happy Thanksgiving and Geaux Tigers!

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LSU’s road to redemption continues this Saturday night as the top-ranked team in the land, Alabama (8-0, 5-0 SEC), visits Tiger Stadium to take on No. 5 LSU (7-1, 3-1 SEC). Toe-to-leather is scheduled for 7:11 p.m., which means that the sun will have set in the western sky, and it will be Saturday night in Death Valley.

If there’s any doubt that these teams from the SEC West represent the elite in all of college football, consider that, since the start of the 2011 season, LSU and Alabama have combined to go 38-1 against all other teams. LSU is 19-1 and Alabama 19-0. Wow.

Back to our redemption theme, however. If ever the time was ripe for redemption from that fateful evening on 1/9/12 when the Tigers were mere phantoms of their true selves, that time is this Saturday night. Will the Tigers seize the moment and comprehend that they alone control the outcome of this contest? Or will they detour from the road to redemption and permit the Crimson Tide to once again impose its formidable will?

Similar to the mainstream media’s treatment of Mitt Romney, most have written off LSU’s chances at an upset. Some Vegas oddsmakers have installed the Tide as a 10-point favorite over the Tigers. Clearly, neither the pundits nor the betting pros appreciate the mystique of the ultimate shrine to college football that is Tiger Stadium, especially on a Saturday night.

Why are they mistaken in their haste to announce an Alabama victory over the Bayou Bengals? Because the talking heads have never had the hair stand on the back of their necks as the Golden Band From Tiger Land performs its pre-game four corner salute. Because the “experts” have never drawn in the thick, bourbon-laced air mere feet from the Tiger Stadium turf. Because they’ve never tailgated beneath moss-draped oaks, entered Tiger Stadium, and befriended total strangers from the likes of Crowley, Bossier, and Bunkie, Louisiana – all united by a passion for LSU football.

And, obviously, these know-it-alls clamoring for continued rolling of the Tide have failed to recall classic 1980s films in which underdogs prevailed over bitter rivals.

Who can forget the underdogs in 1989’s “Major League”? No one gave the band of misfit Cleveland Indians a shot to beat the Yankees and win the pennant. But, anchored by Charlie Sheen’s Oscar-worthy performance, the team rallied and proved the pundits wrong in a stunning defeat of the media darling New York team. For an inspiring reminder of Charlie Sheen’s heroics – “Forget about the curveball, Ricky. Give ‘um the heater!” – check out this clip from one of the best movies of the 80s:

LINK

Our LSU Tigers can also find motivation from the ultimate high school sports movie of the 80s, 1985’s “Vision Quest.” Not even Louden Swain’s father gave him a chance to beat the best wrestler in Washington state, Brian Shute. But Louden dropped two weight classes, worked his tail off, and proved everyone wrong in the film’s climactic scene by pinning Shute and winning the state title. Swain raises his arms in triumph and the powerful lyrics of Journey’s “Only the Young” kick in.

Don’t watch the full clip unless you’ve got 10 minutes to kill, but hit the 9:45 mark for a quintessential 1980s cinematic moment:

LINK

Like Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn and Louden Swain, can these Tigers prove the naysayers wrong and pull off an upset for the ages this Saturday night? Of course they can. Will they? That’s a much tougher question.

LSU’s defense, the unit that has carried the team on its back for years, must do even more. Bama quarterback A.J. McCarron is quietly putting together a case for the Heisman. The Tigers must get to him early and often. Rattle him. Harass him. McCarron hasn’t hit the turf all year and certainly hasn’t had the likes of Sam Montgomery and KeKe Mingo coming at him full steam. Hit him hard, impress upon him that this Tiger team is not the distracted group from 1/9/12, and get the raucous Tiger Stadium crowd into it. Good things will happen . . .

Next, underachieving quarterback Zach Mettenberger must lead. While some have called for Mettenberger to have a breakout performance against the vaunted Alabama defense, all he really needs to do is play solid football. Be smart, manage the game, keep Bama’s defense honest by connecting with receivers every now and then, and act like a leader. Mettenberger must rise to the moment yet, at the same time, simply play within himself.

Finally and, admittedly, this is a tall order for a Les Miles-coached team, the Tigers must minimize self-inflicted wounds. Penalties were a rare non-issue in LSU’s best outing against South Carolina. They must be equally rare on Saturday night. Further, LSU cannot afford to hand Alabama the football in gift-wrapped packages known as turnovers. Penalties and turnovers. Far from earth-shattering revelations, but LSU has struggled with these fundamentals and must play its best game of the year to prevail over Bama.

Let’s face it, if LSU and Alabama both play their best games, Alabama wins. But this game takes place on Saturday night in Death Valley. Opposing teams rarely, if ever, stroll into Baton Rouge and play to their potential. As Les Miles is fond of saying, Death Valley is where dreams come to die.

Yes, my friends, the time is ripe for redemption. On Saturday night when the sun has found its place in the western sky, our Tigers will redeem themselves. LSU will extend the nation’s longest home field winning streak to 23, improve its record to 37-1 in Saturday night home games under Les Miles, and Miles will beat Nick Saban for the third time in the last four games.

The road to redemption continues as the legend of Death Valley grows.

Prediction:

LSU 24
Alabama 20

Geaux Tigers!

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LSU hit a major speed bump on the road to redemption last week as the Tigers wilted in the Swamp against the Florida Gators. A speed bump, of course, assumes something needs slowing down, but that’s a faulty assumption with this LSU team, at least offensively. The Tigers are slowing down themselves and the road only gets rockier from here. LSU’s next four opponents have a combined 20-1 record, are all ranked in the top 25, and two are ranked in the top 3. Yikes.

LSU’s offense is plain painful to watch. Poor execution, dumbfounding play-calling, a lost quarterback, incompetent use of highly-talented and heralded athletes . . . the list goes on. The salt on the wound for Tiger fans is that these issues are not new. They’ve been around for years.

Will this Saturday’s contest against South Carolina reveal that head coach Les Miles can adapt and adjust his team’s offensive approach? We’ll find out as the reeling Tigers host the red-hot Gamecocks before a national television audience on ESPN. Toe-to-leather is set for 7 p.m. – nighttime – and the home crowd will erupt when Tiger Stadium public address announcer Dan Borne proclaims that the sun has set in the western sky, and it is now Saturday night in Death Valley.

Back to those Bayou Bengal offensive woes. Les Miles’s bread and butter of run run run will not work against the South Carolina defense, which is more stout than Florida’s and is anchored by monster defensive end Jadeveon Clowney. The Tigers must use misdirection, quick slants, screens, and creativity to turn the Gamecocks’ greatest asset – aggressiveness – against them. Close observers of Les Miles and this LSU Tiger team doubt they’ll see such an offensive attack on Saturday night, what with the mounting injuries, a goofball quarterback, and the general malaise the Tigers have shown this season.

But enough with the Chicken Little attitude. Let’s keep some perspective here, Tigah fans. LSU just lost its first regular season game since November 2010 to a team now ranked in the top 5. LSU has won more home games in a row – 21 – than any team in the country and hasn’t lost in Death Valley since October 2009. LSU’s defense is ranked in the top 10 in three major defensive categories. LSU is ranked in the top 10 in both polls for the 24th consecutive week. Les Miles has compiled an 80-19 record and, during his tenure, the Tigers have won more games than any other SEC team. In other words, let’s relax and see if LSU can’t pull off a win on the bayou on a Louisiana Saturday night.

I’m not sure how they’ll do it. LSU doesn’t match up well against this South Carolina team. The ball isn’t bouncing LSU’s way this year and the magic seems to have disappeared. I really don’t know how they’ll do it. Les Miles may not know, either. But sometimes that's when the enigma that is Les Miles is at his best.

The Tigers get back on the road to redemption by, well, redeeming themselves from last week.

Prediction:

LSU 20
South Carolina 16

Geaux Tigers!


BONUS! Back by popular demand from longtime readers, below are actual text messages I received during last week’s LSU-Florida game. To encourage the free flow of texts during LSU games, I have not included the senders’ identities. Enjoy!

Florida’s band is total white trash.

WTF?? Worst play calling ever. [sent during LSU's second possession]

Game over. [sent in 2nd quarter with LSU leading.]

Put in Rivers.

Is it me or is our quarterback in slow motion?

Our receivers suck. Just suck.

Holy sh*t our offense!

This is maddening to watch.

Guaranteed LSU fumble coming.

Bench Miles.

Can’t believe our offense has sucked for FIVE years.

Offense is a disaster. F’ing disaster.

No toughness. They have quit.

It’s a one possession game and does anyone think we have a shot? Not me.

When was the last time LSU was out of the top 10 and the Saints sucked?

We’re a bunch of Ferrari parts sitting in a garage without an engineer to put them together.

[Response] Uh, I don’t see a lot of Ferrari parts.

That was a fun football season. See you in 2013.

The LSU Fighting Tigers (3-0, #2 AP, Coaches) travel to the plains of Auburn to face SEC West rival Auburn (1-2, 0-1 SEC) this Saturday evening. ESPN will televise the contest nationally with toe-to-leather set for 6 p.m. Central time.

LSU is expected to run roughshod over Auburn as the Bayou Bengals open conference play. Vegas has installed LSU as a 20-point favorite over Gene Chizik’s Plainsmen. The Tigers have steamrolled three inconsequential opponents in a row while Auburn dropped its first two games and barely escaped against that upstart Louisiana-Monroe team last week. Auburn’s defense can’t stop the run – the bread and butter of Les Miles’s offense – and its offense is anemic. In other words, LSU should win this one going away and set its sights on that huge game against Towson next week.

And therein lies the rub. Everyone expecting an LSU blowout on Saturday night seems to have forgotten that the LSU-Auburn series historically produces a strange, unexpected outcome. The 23 interceptions thrown by LSU quarterback Jamie Howard in the 1994 game, the “barn burner” in 1996 when Auburn’s gym literally was engulfed in flames as the game played on, the 2005 game in which Auburn kicker John Vaughn missed 9 field goals in one quarter, and the 2009 game when Les Miles could not find his hat before the game and LSU forfeited to Auburn.

Throw in the fact that Tigers QB Zach Mettenberger will depart the friendly environs of Death Valley for the first time as LSU’s starter, and that’s a recipe for good plans gone bad. Just when you thought LSU’s season would hinge on the Alabama game on November 3, will an unexpected outcome at Auburn derail the Bayou Bengals’ plans?

For guidance, we turn to prominent 1980s television shows inspired by life’s unexpected detours. I’ll tell you what, those guys from “The A-Team” always faced the unexpected with aplomb. Hannibal, Murdock, B.A. Baracus and “Faceman” didn’t let the occasional rocket grenade or rival paramilitary force get them down as they battled to the top in the Los Angeles underground.

Kevin Arnold’s entire existence was defined by confronting the unpredictable tribulations of teenage life in “The Wonder Years.” Whether deciphering the moodiness of his crush, Winnie Cooper, trying to connect with his emotionally detached father, or grappling with social issues that confronted late 1960s America, Kevin handled the unexpected as well as anyone could have hoped.

Perhaps no one in ’80s TV lore honchoed unexpected circumstances better than Thomas Sullivan Magnum in the undisputed best television series of all-time, “Magnum, P.I.” Not an episode of the show went by without Magnum tackling an unpredicted challenge in his customary Hawaiian shirt, short shorts, topsiders and Detroit Tigers hat. (Long-time readers know that at least one Magnum reference is mandatory each football season. Since we’re only in week four, Magnum may make another cameo later this year.)

Fast forward from the 1980s to 2012. LSU-Auburn is truly an underrated SEC rivalry. Six of the last eight games have been decided by a touchdown or less and the winner of the LSU-Auburn game has won the SEC West in eight of the last 12 years. But LSU has won 24 straight games during the month of September and, lest we forget, Les Miles is an all-around bad arse while Gene Chizik is a nimrod.

Our Bayou Bengals should expect the unexpected against Auburn. Zach Mettenberger will make mistakes. The defense will give up a busted play. A demoralized Auburn squad will find something to believe in and, for a fleeting moment, they’ll think they can pull off the upset. But LSU’s depth and talent should carry the day. The first half may be too close for Tiger fans’ comfort but LSU pulls away in the second half to extend the nation’s longest regular-season winning streak to 17 games.

Prediction:

LSU 38
Auburn 14

Geaux Tigers!

Expectations. What were yours heading into the LSU Tigers’ 2012 campaign? An undefeated season capped by a BCS national championship? Total domination of every opponent? A high-flying offense with QB Zach Mettenberger routinely throwing for 300+ yards?

After last week’s outing against North Texas, are your expectations for the Bayou Bengals unchanged or perhaps lowered just a bit? (Especially after watching Bama stomp Michigan. Yikes.) I must confess that I expected more from LSU in its season opener. Yes, I know they won 41-14, had a weird game week with Hurricane Isaac, used a vanilla game plan, and it’s tough to play your best against the likes of North Texas. But the game just wasn’t that fun to watch and I retired for the evening feeling underwhelmed.

Let’s face it. High expectations are often a prelude to disappointment. For example, all of us enjoyed the 1985 film, Teen Wolf, a smart movie about an awkward teen who inherits a werewolf’s traits after it attacks him. We eagerly anticipated the sequel – 1987’s Teen Wolf Too. But, alas, it sucked.

Who didn't love Weekend at Bernie’s, the 1989 movie about two insurance company losers who pretend their boss isn’t dead so they can carry on the party at his house in the Hamptons? Then came Weekend at Bernie’s II, the sequel in 1993. Though our expectations were through the roof, alas, it sucked.

Our LSU Fighting Tigers have a golden opportunity to avoid being a Teen Wolf Too, Weekend at Bernie’s II, and every other bad sequel that was ever made. Call me a “negatiger,” but I thought the Tigers looked disinterested and removed from the start of that North Texas game.

Expect that to change this Saturday night in Death Valley. With the Washington Huskies of the Pac-12 visiting Tiger Stadium before a live national audience on ESPN, the sequel to the Tigers’ week one performance should deliver. Will a Pac-12 defense be up for bruising LSU running backs Kenny Hilliard and company? This is a defense that surrendered 199 rushing yards to San Diego State last week, so expect Les Miles to pound the rock on the ground.

Will the Huskies’ offense – relying heavily on quarterback Keith Price and perhaps a few other contributors, none of whom I care to research at this point in the article – actually be able to keep the stout LSU defense off balance?

As a motivational tool, Washington coach Steve Sarkisian had a live tiger attend the team's practice on Tuesday. According to one Washington player, the idea was to “eliminate distractions” and prepare the team for its trip to Baton Rouge. Conducting practice in the presence of a live bengal tiger is just the trick to eliminate distractions. Everyone knows that.

I can’t figure out whether I expect LSU to steamroll the Huskies or just hope that it happens. Do I expect Zach Mettenberger to develop a pocket presence or hope that he will? Expect the Tigers to devour a non-conference opponent on a Saturday night on the bayou or hope they will? It’s probably a little of both in the second week of a long college football season.

LSU’s road to redemption continues this Saturday night with an expectation-fulfilling win.

Prediction:

LSU 47
Washington 17

Geaux Tigers!

My friends, our Fighting Tigers have a rendezvous with destiny. In the heart of the Crescent City, the fate of a historic season hangs in the balance. No. 1-ranked LSU (13-0, 8-0 SEC) once again meets its nemesis, No. 2-ranked Alabama (11-1, 7-1 SEC) this Monday evening in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome, just blocks away from the banks of the mighty Mississippi River in the city's Central Business District.

At stake is more than rebeating Bama. More than the shimmering crystal ball trophy. More than the most spectacular season in recent memory. At stake is nothing less than college football immortality.

Immortality, of course, only comes with greatness. True greatness only comes with defeating the forces of evil. Since the dawn of civilization, therefore, epic tales of greatness pit good against evil. This BCS Championship Game is no different.

On one side we have our LSU Tigers led by the incomparable Les Miles. This LSU team, with its bayou-bred athletes and determined swagger, is the beacon of hope in college football. LSU is a shining city on a hill with Coach Miles beaming proudly on top. These Tigers appeal to our most virtuous optimism, to our confidence, and to our hearts. Simply stated, LSU is good.

On the other side is Alabama, the evil empire of the sport we love. Armed with a breathtaking sense of entitlement, the Crimson Tide is all that stands between the Tigers and majestic glory. Regrettably, Alabama shares much in common with the world's most tyrannical, evil regimes. Start with that shade of crimson red. Red has always been favored as a color of fear and repression. From the Nazis, to the communist Soviets, to red China, red is associated with those who seek to destroy what is good and honorable in this world.

Such evil intentions have roots in a severely misguided sense of entitlement, and that unfortunate belief is now emanating from the state of Alabama.

Then there's Alabama's dictator, Nick Saban. Ruling with an iron fist, Saban harkens back to the many brutal leaders before him who employed fear to maintain power. It bears repeating that Nick Saban is the perfect college football villain. He's an egomaniac. He's paranoid. He's short. He's insecure. He rules through fear because, deep down, he's the one who's scared -- probably of himself.

Another chapter in the struggle between good and evil will be written in the Superdome four short days from now. Will good prevail? Will the Tigers triumph over the Tide and secure their third national championship since 2003? In no particular order, the following factors offer a glimpse down LSU's destined path to perfection:

-- LSU freshman running back Kenny Hilliard had two carries for two yards against Alabama on November 5. Since that victory in Tuscaloosa, Hilliard has emerged as a bruising, yet shifty running back who gains key yardage late in the game. In other words, in addition to its stable of solid running backs, LSU has found a brand new back since the teams met in early November.

-- Les Miles called a conservative game against Bama the first go-round and it worked. Nick Saban threw the kitchen sink at LSU and it failed. On Monday night in the Dome, Miles will play to win and reveal to Alabama what happens when the Tigers are uncaged. Plus, Alabama is evil.

-- The Honey Badger. He was almost non-existent on November 5 coming off his one-game suspension. Since then he's played a more mature style of football without losing his tenaciousness. He's also emerged as one of the country's most dangerous punt returners. Bama must pick its poison and punt to #7 or kick away from him and sacrifice valuable field position.

-- LSU beat Bama on November 5 in a loud and hostile Bryant-Denny Stadium. The Superdome, in contrast, is the Tigers' second home. Its friendly confines will be a far cry from the partisan Alabama crowd that failed to propel the Tide to victory nine weeks ago.

-- The quick Superdome surface favors LSU's speed on both sides of the ball, not to mention special teams. Yes, Alabama will also be faster on the field turf, but LSU is good, and Bama is evil.

-- Reflecting their coach's personality, LSU's players will have fun and play loose on the big stage. Alabama's players will play tight, fearful of making a mistake and drawing the ire of their mean little coach.

-- Finally, LSU knows it can beat Bama. Bama hopes it can beat LSU.

In short, LSU has improved since beating Bama the first time and the intangibles favor the Tigers. The biggest intangible of all also points to an LSU victory: destiny.

We know good prevails over evil. We know this not only because of our faith or because we, as Americans, believe in the fundamental goodness and perseverance of the human spirit. We know good defeats evil because Daniel LaRusso beat Johnny and the Cobra Kai dojo thugs in "The Karate Kid," Luke Skywalker and the rebellion overcame the Dark Side in "Star Wars," and Superman staved off Lex Luthor and those weird superhero guys from Krypton in "Superman II."

My friends, our Fighting Tigers have a rendezvous with destiny. They will meet their destiny and preserve for us the last best hope for college football, or Alabama's evil empire will drag us down into a pit of darkness and despair. Whatever the outcome, let the Bayou Bengals know that they were justified in their brilliant moments this season, and let us thank them for their efforts. They did all that could be done.

Prediction:

LSU 20
Alabama 10

Geaux Tigers!

I am thankful . . . for LSU football. On this Thanksgiving Day, in fact, I have never been more appreciative of the Bayou Bengals.

I'm thankful for the Tigers' remarkable run this season. But I'm just as thankful for the magical LSU memories that dot the landscape of my childhood.

I'm thankful that my grandfather and uncles took me to Tiger Stadium as a young boy, and that I was in awe. I'm thankful that Death Valley is just as awe-inspiring over 30 years later.

I'm thankful that in 1988, my mom and I watched Eddie Fuller haul in that desperation touchdown pass from Tommy Hodson in the Earthquake Game.

I'm thankful that, without fail, I still get chills every time the Golden Band belts out those four notes from the pregame salute.

I'm thankful that the Tigers always have some lagniappe. This year, KeKe Mingo and Aussie punter Brad Wing come to mind.

I'm thankful that you can spot a Tigahs fan a mile away. Whether it's the Atlanta airport, ski slopes in Colorado, or the streets of Manhattan, LSU fans wear their purple and gold proudly -- and loudly.

I'm thankful for every single LSU touchdown. That's when my four-year-old daughter looks up at me with pure, innocent excitement, and pleads, "Daddy, swing me upside down!" And I do.

I'm thankful for the uniquely Louisianan symphony of sights, sounds, flavors and friends that fill LSU's campus on a Saturday afternoon in the fall.

I'm thankful that LSU football serves as a backdrop, an excuse, if you will, to stay in touch with old friends I haven't seen in years.

I'm thankful that pulling for the Tigers is contagious. I'm thankful that my wife's family, none of whom had any prior connection to LSU and all of whom live anywhere but Louisiana, are now die-hard Tiger fans.

I'm thankful that loved ones no longer with us -- those who handed down their passion for LSU -- have the best seat in the house to savor this season.

I'm thankful that after LSU beats Arkansas tomorrow and Georgia next week, we can gather in the Crescent City to revel in our Tigers and witness LSU cap off a season for the ages.

I am thankful . . . for LSU football.

Prediction:

LSU 46
Arkansas 24

Happy Thanksgiving, and Geaux Tigers!

Like LSU's players, coaches, and the entire Tiger fanbase, I could not care less about the Western Kentucky game. I simply assume the Tigers will get the cupcake win. Dangerous thinking, no doubt, but we're only human and, even almost a week later, it's a tall task not to bask in the glory of the win over Alabama. So, because no one associated with LSU football gives two you-know-whats about Saturday night's game, this preview will lack its customary features: it will not have a theme, deep life lessons from '80s movies, overly-dramatic, sappy language, inspirational quotes from Ronald Reagan, not even a reference to the undisputed best TV show of all-time, Magnum, P.I.

Instead, what better opportunity to learn about the higher education institution that is Western Kentucky University? You never stop learning in life, so let's enrich ourselves with facts about LSU's next foe.

-- Western Kentucky's slogan is "A Leading American University with International Reach." I'm not sure what's more surprising -- that WKU considers itself a leading American university or that it believes it has international reach. (Actually, just after typing that, I read on the WKU website that it is becoming those things. Hey, anything's possible with time, I suppose.)

-- WKU is located in Bowling Green, Kentucky. I have not had the pleasure of visiting Bowling Green so will reserve judgment about whether the town is "bustling," "thriving," has an "ability to entertain," and is "brimming with restaurant and splurging options," as the WKU website proclaims.

-- If you're searching for a reason to visit Bowling Green, however, it is home to the Fruit of the Loom World Headquarters.

-- Western Kentucky's mascot is "Big Red," described very accurately as a "huge, furry, lovable creature." Check out "Big Red" here: LINK Call me crazy, but I kind of like "Big Red", and what else are you supposed to do when your team is named for people who top hills? This is the perfect transition to the next WKU fact below.

-- Western Kentucky's team name is the Hilltoppers. The Hilltopper moniker, according to WKU, should be obvious to anyone who's visited campus. Not having visited campus, the Hilltopper name is not obvious to me, but I do find it somewhat refreshing and innocent. It has a 1950s purity to it, like Hoosiers or something.

-- Don't think the Hilltoppers will be intimidated by Death Valley. Though Saturday night marks the first-ever meeting between WKU and LSU, the Hilltoppers should feel right at home in Tiger Stadium. That's because in 1975, they defeated New Hampshire 14-3 in Baton Rouge to win the Grantland Rice Bowl. That's right, the Rice Bowl. Against New Hampshire. In 1975.

Hopefully you know more about Western Kentucky than when you woke up this morning. There's at least some value to that. You should also know that WKU ranks 101st in the nation in scoring offense, which doesn't bode well against LSU's defense.

After the monumental win at Bama, expect the Tigers to come out flat and lumber their way through the first half. But you just have to think this one will never be in doubt.

Prediction:

LSU 41
Western Kentucky 0

Geaux Tigers!

Saturday afternoon in Tiger Stadium marks the annual playing of perhaps the most underrated and unpredictable rivalry in the country, as the No. 1 LSU Fighting Tigers take on the No. 19 Tigers of Auburn in a 2:30 pm kickoff. The game will be televised nationally on Columbia Broadcasting System, a/k/a CBS. Did you know that's what CBS stood for? It might as well be called the LSU Network, as this is the third Tiger game in a row to be broadcast on CBS with at least two more to follow later this year.

Anyway, it has become customary for me to use the LSU/Auburn game as a platform to explain how Auburn represents all that is wrong with college football. Auburn bought a national championship, probably paid refs to make sure calls went its way in at least two LSU games, ordered its offensive line to take out Glenn Dorsey, smoked cigars on the Tiger Stadium field following an upset victory, went from one classless coach to another, and committed countless other heinous acts of dishonor, disgrace, and corruption.

But let's go in a different direction this year and not focus exclusively on the putrid state of affairs that is Auburn football. Unlike Auburn, numbers don't lie, so let's look at the LSU/Auburn matchup through a numerical lens and throw in a few figures that admittedly have very little to do with Saturday's showdown.

6 -- minutes out of 420 that LSU has trailed its opponents this year.

7/11 -- the LSU/Auburn winner has won the SEC West and advanced to Atlanta for the SEC Championship in 7 of the last 11 years.

31 -- total points allowed by LSU's defense in four SEC games this year.

6 -- Coors Light marketing gimmicks I can think of at the moment, and I'm confident I'm missing some. We've got the Frost Brewed Liner, the Vented Wide Mouth Can, the mountains that turn blue when it's cold, the "cold" and "super cold" indicators, and the "Cold Activation Window." I love me some Colorado Kool-Aid!

10/11 -- the home team in the LSU/Auburn series has won 10 of the past 11 meetings.

76 -- consecutive years in which the Bayou Bengals have played an SEC night game in Death Valley.

0 -- number of SEC night games in Death Valley this year.

1999 -- the last time Auburn notched a victory in Baton Rouge.

5 -- number of ranked teams LSU has faced this season, including Auburn.

1973 -- the last time LSU achieved an 8-0 record, which it can match with a win over Auburn on Saturday.

440 -- rushing yards compiled by Auburn last year against LSU.

7 and 11 -- jersey numbers of LSU's best defensive and offensive players, respectively, both of whom are reportedly suspended for the Auburn game as a result of failing drug tests. With so much on the line, these players put themselves before the team. If, as rumored, this is the second drug test they failed, then these guys either have a problem or they're morons. I went to Dixie Basketball Camp as a kid and we had a chant for guys like this. It was simple: "Selfish, selfish, selfish . . ."

1987 -- year in which the infamous Miami Hurricane football team was mired in scandal, outrageous off-field incidents, out of control players, etc. Comparisons have already been made to this year's LSU squad.

2 -- pounds of bacon called for in John Besh's jambalaya I'm making on Saturday. That is a hell of a lot of bacon.

Numbers aside, regardless of what happens on Saturday and the duration of the season, would you expect anything less than another roller coaster ride for the LSU Tigers? As a longtime reader from Old Metairie, La. put it recently, there's never a dull moment with a Les Miles program.

Prediction:

LSU 36
Auburn 12

Geaux Tigers!

The top-ranked Fighting Tigers of LSU put their undefeated record on the line Saturday afternoon against 17th-ranked Florida in Tiger Stadium. For you longtime readers residing in Washington state and Buffalo, NY, don't worry. CBS will televise the contest nationally. LSU carries a 5-0 overall record and is 2-0 in conference play, while Florida is 4-1 and 2-1 in the SEC. The game marks LSU's fourth matchup against a top 25 team this year as the Tigers look to extend their 13-game winning streak in Death Valley. LSU hasn't dropped a game at home since October 10, 2009, when none other than Florida beat the Tigers in a 13-3 setback.

The Gators are wounded as they enter one of the most hostile environments in all of sports. Alabama beat up Florida last week and knocked out starting starting quarterback John Brantley. With Brantley out this week, Florida will turn to true freshman quarterback Jeff Driskel for a baptism on the bayou in his first career start. I can almost hear LSU's ball-hawk and all-around playmaker Tyrann Mathieu licking his chops, along with the beasts on LSU's defensive line.

But the Tigers should be wary. First-year Florida head coach Will Muschamp is looking for a signature win and there's a sense of desperation among this Gator squad. They're wounded, yes, but wounded animals are desperate and dangerous. That big great white shark in the 1975 classic "Jaws" was wounded, and how did that turn out for every fool who got in the water? That scary St. Bernard in 1983's "Cujo" was wounded, and I don't remember what happened in that movie, but I do remember that dog was vicious and very determined. I think the big gorilla in the 1933 film "King Kong" may have been wounded, and boy did he do some damage.

Now, I'll grant you that it's a stretch to analogize fictitious wounded great white sharks, St. Bernards, and gorillas to this Florida Gator team. But research didn't turn up any movies about wounded alligators. Anyway, you get my point. I hope.

Wounded or not, Florida always plays LSU tough in Baton Rouge and the series has produced many memorable moments. Several longtime readers rushed the Tiger Stadium field when LSU knocked off #1 Florida in 1997. In 2003 (when Will Muschamp was LSU's defensive coordinator), Florida started a true freshman quarterback against LSU and left Death Valley with a win. In 2007, Les Miles ran Jacob Hester on fourth down about 34 times and moved the chains every time.

On Saturday, if the Tigers fall behind early and give up big plays against Florida's speedy backs, it could be a longer afternoon for LSU than most pundits have forecasted. But Gator fans hoping for a 2003 repeat must know that, unlike in 2003, this LSU team is not trying to climb the college football mountain. Les Miles has these Bayou Bengals accustomed to big-time games in the national spotlight. These days it's almost customary for the Tigers to be on the prowl for a national championship.

Look for Florida to keep it close in the first half with a few tricks up its sleeve, as Muschamp knows he can't count on his true freshman quarterback to carry the Gators on his shoulders. But LSU's Jarrett Lee/Jordan Jefferson combination -- don't get me started there, that's a whole other article -- and the Tigers' suffocating defense should enable Miles and his "damn strong" football team to notch another conference win.

Prediction:

LSU 24
Florida 13

Geaux Tigers!