Indian Giver

To Eric, his family, and friends:

First I want to give my condolences for your loss. Carri was a mother, wife, daughter, sister, niece, aunt, friend. I don’t know any of you but reading Eric’s first post last week about what happened was heartbreaking, I couldn’t imagine losing someone that important to me at the age of 43, in such an unexpected and tragic way. Seeing how grief stricken he was, then to swallow his pride and ask a community he had been a part of for 4 years for help because he could not afford to give her a proper goodbye was humbling. It struck a chord with hundreds of internet friends and strangers alike.

Unfortunately, as happens online, there are always a small percentage of people who, for whatever reason, feel the need to tear others down. Every time there has been a gofundme on TD this year there have been a handful who question its validity or start searching for faults in the person.

One poster here was stuck in China back in January when COVID first hit, before anyone knew how serious it was. His sister started a gofundme and it raised a good chunk of change to help with last minute flights for 4 people, time off work while in quarantine in CA, and misc expenses. It didn’t take long for the skeptics to show up and claim it was a scam, make fun of his wife and kids, criticize him for going to China to see his wife’s family. A longtime poster had a stroke, a gofundme raised a considerable amount for him to help with expenses from the hospital and while out of work. He was lightheartedly mocked a good bit but because of his persona it was all taken bin stride. Another poster from Alabama started a gofundme for his nephew who was born with a condition that looked terrifyingly touch and go for his first several months on this earth, fortunately he ended up recovering and the money raised helped the family. In all 3 of these there were posters who criticized the gofundme and those who donated.

I have never seen the vitriol and groupthink that took place with the gofundme for Carri though. It didn’t help that Eric was likely at his lowest point in life, just losing his wife and partner of 17 years and the mother to his children, and he was talking stream of conscious what most everyone in his shoes is thinking at that moment. He didn’t think he could go on, didn’t think he had the strength, didn’t know what to do. And then he self medicated with Xanax (and probably alcohol). This sent the boobirds into a frenzy, digging up everything they could find online, including arrest records from 5-10 years ago, posting his address, pictures of his house, stalking his family’s social media accounts looking for anything and everything to make the case that this was all some sort of scam at best, or at worst a conspiracy that Eric and his sister in law killed Carri and started the gofundme so they could go on an epic heroin binge together. Yes, the mob went that far.

At that point the handful of Never Donators/Doubters started a whisper campaign to get everyone to cancel their donations and contact gofundme to report it was all a scam concocted by inbred Alabama heroin/meth addicts.

That is how you ended up in the position of gofundme freezing the account, putting you back to square one of not knowing how you would give Carri a proper burial in just a few short days, compounded with the fact that a few dozen internet strangers were kicking you while you were grieving over the loss of your loved one.

It was like a game to them, find something to ridicule, speculate the most absurd fiction they could think of, then cheer as the total dollar amount in the gofundme started to go down. It is understandable that Eric and his sister in law might be hurt by that and lash out. Watching the two threads unfold was like watching an episode of Black Mirror in which you see how technology + groupthink + anonymity can bring out the worst side of human nature.

If you have read the things said on these pages over the last few days just remember that is only a tiny representation of Tigerdroppings. Well over 400 people were touched by your situation and wanted to help financially, and probably 3x that many were praying for you. Focus on the love and generosity of those people and not the 25 or so people who have made it their mission to make your grieving as miserable as possible for their entertainment. It says a lot more about their character than it does yours for being grief stricken and not responding to them in a manner that they deemed worthy. Also, don't stress over people who changed their mind and got a refund, that is their right, and likely many don't have any idea what has actually happened they just saw the drama being played out here and feared the worst.

Please know that there are hundreds of strangers praying for your family, hopefully you can celebrate Carri’s life and focus on the joy that she brought you in her time here, and then slowly move towards healing. One day at a time. And if you need anyone to talk to, probably look somewhere besides the OT. And thanks to the aunt from GA who helped communicate with us and helped with the logistics of everything.

To the OT: sorry for the wall of text, down vote away.