Posted by
Can't get there from here.
Member since Dec 2003
12329 posts

Must-have keyboard


Sadly, the listing hardly does this product justice. The brass is actually from free range ore mined by blind Benedictine monks, then slow-forged to perfection in the ancient fires of Pompeii and cooled in unicorn tears. Then it is lovingly hand polished by rare albino panda bears high atop a Tibetan mountain. No, not that mountain. It's a secret one only the wealthy know about.

The switches themselves are from the Apollo 11 command capsule (the lunar lander switches are extra), and each is blessed by the Machine Spirit to improve both K/D ratio and one's ability to quickscope. The buttons are hand-penned in English using a unique ink crafted from the ashes of the Library of Alexandria, and painstakingly inscribed by actual elves. Real ones, not those cheap, imitation Keebler or Santa elves you'll find making inferior products. The cable is from AudioQuest, makers of multi-thousand dollar HDMI cables, and is emblazoned with powerful runes invoking the power of the ancient god Yu-Essbee.

The pictures also fail to capture the ethereal glow and low, audible hum that can be heard even over the incessant clacking of the keys. A word of warning, however: some say lesser men cannot handle the magnitude of such eldritch power, and will be consumed by the might of this keyboard, left to roam an otherworldly plane for all time. LINK
This post was edited on 1/3 at 7:19 am

Washington DC metro
Member since Mar 2008
39401 posts

re: Must-have keyboard
From the Q&A:


Honestly you should stick with the $1000 model. The Unicorn nut juice is used as a lubricant with the fellatio attachment that ships with $1,000,000 unit. While the nut juice is a great lubricant, the manufacturer made the fellatio attachment out of bronze. This does make for a visually stunning masturbatory aid, but even the nut juice cannot compensate for the poor choice in material.

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Army Fan
Pool is Closed
Member since Jul 2017
926 posts

re: Must-have keyboard
No RGB? Pass.

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Googolplex Posts
Member since Aug 2004
66148 posts

re: Must-have keyboard
I would have said not worth it until I saw that it has a braided cable on it.

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