'Twas the night before Christmas. Arky style

It's a day late but I just seen it tonight. Laughed my sack off.


'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Everyone was fricked up, even the mouse.
The stockings were hung with bourbon and beer
And a big rubber dick for the family queer.

Moms in the whorehouse, dads in the jail
I had just settled down for a nice piece of tail
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter
I jumped off my sister to see what's the matter

Up to the window I sprang like a elf,
I tore back the tin foil while playing with myself
When what to my blood shot eyes should appear?
A rusty arse sleigh and 8 mangy reindeer.

He yelled "whoa shithead, whoa a-hole, whoa you stupid fricks,
Slow this bitch down or I will cut off your nuts."

His suit smelled with bourbon and perfume galore.
He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.

"What up baw?" He said with a smile
"frick these gifts, I'll stay for awhile"
He walked to my kitchen and poured a big drink.
Then whipped out his dick and pissed in the sink.

I said "what the frick?" As he laughed out with glee
The old boy was hung almost to his knee

He walked to the den and opened his sack
Pulled out his pipe, packed it tight full of crack.
He took a big hit as he rode out of sight
Then yelled "frick you all, it's been a hell of a night!"