re: .

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I thank everyone for the advice and prayers. I really do! I've been reading everyone's posts. I want to tell some of the things I've been going through, but also feel that I shouldn't share my personal struggles to thousands of people. Kinda conflicted

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This is a very public forum, so your hesitation is understandable.
What I was trying to say was that when you go for trustworthy help, they will need enough data to offer meaningful help and support.
But my reference to the Book of Job was not random. Reading it during a hard time helped me. Following with the other readings also helped. Purpose - even if we do not see or understand it at the time, does exist.
Pass the test and learn the lessons. Stay on the path and trust. You will be given what is needed - maybe not on terms of your choosing, but it will come.