TulaneLSU's 10 minute crab cakes and crab clump

Dear Friends,

Today, following my annual tradition, I am heading to the Chalmette National Cemetery, where I will pay respects to the fallen, including my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather. We do not know if he was gravely wounded on that field or ended lost in the surrounding swamp or he cowardly ran back to Kentucky or Tennessee or somewhere equally uncultured. I take the time to walk the land and read the gravestones. Today is for such reflection. It is not, as degenerates have done to other holidays like Christmas and St. Patrick's Day, a day of drunkenness and sloth. It is a day of solemn remembrance.

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Preparing for a journey of remembrance requires carbohydrates, fat, and protein. And, as I am now rushed, having gotten a slow start, in part due to the harsh and cutting words of a man I thought my friend, I knew this a perfect time to make TulaneLSU's 10 minute crab cakes and crab clump. Perhaps it was our dear prodigal friend, Meridian Dog, posting his recipe the other day that planted the seed in my feeble, impressionable mind that inspired the thought.

Although I would like to give Ms. Mae or Mother credit for this recipe, it is entirely my own making. Those two matrons were always particular in the technique used to fry crab meat with bread crumbs. They used a twenty step program, measuring all steps as though they were architects. I thought it all over the top, honestly. So I ventured to simplify it to as few steps as possible with as few ingredients as possible. Whereas most time cutting techniques in life compromise quality of the product, this recipe, in my opinion, surprisingly improves the product.

We start with just five ingredients:
1. Fresh jumbo lump crabmeat
2. Bread crumbs or crackers
3. Seminole tartar sauce
4. Tony Chachere's seasoning
5. Butter



I prefer to use stale Leidenheimer bread to make breadcrumbs, but we do not have any in the house right now. Instead, I used Walmart Great Value brand saltines



As for the meat, I have always used jumbo lump. I guess you could use regular lump, but I don't think I've ever had regular lump in my life. Can you call regular lump living? Some people are particular about sorting the meat and finding shells and pieces of carapace. I never worry about this for three reasons. First, commercial pickers today are quite efficient, so long as you buy from a local processing plant. Second, a little piece here and there really does not bother me. Third, you want as little manipulation of the meat as possible, so as to keep it together.



Mother never allowed me to use Ziploc bags for any reason when I was a child. That prohibition has continued in my practices, so when making crumbs from saltines, I use just plastic wrap and a smasher. Once really small, in a bowl, I used my hands to make it fine like silt.



Then I add the Seminole tartar sauce to the crackers. I really like Seminole brand because it has a nice, slightly sweet taste to it, which accentuates the natural sweetness of the crab. Its main contribution, though is its creamy body that binds all the ingredients together. Moreover, there are distinct elements of both dill and lemon, which make the time consuming and expensive additions of these ingredients superfluous.



The tartar and cracker should be thoroughly mixed together before adding the crab. Once the crab is added, you want to be as ginger as possible to preserve those jumbo lump clusters. You can add a few shakes of Tony's at any point.



My bicameral mind never knows if I should make crab cakes or just fry up the big clump. Today I decided to do both to see if there is a noticeable difference in taste. If there isn't, there is no purpose, except for appearance, to take the additional step of forming patties.

I fry crab cakes in butter only on medium heat flipping once. 2-3 tablespoons should suffice, but honestly, use what you think you need. A good cook doesn't need measurements.



vs.



Truthfully, I thought the TulaneLSU 10 minute crab clump tasted better. And because you don't have to form the patties, it's probably more accurate to call this a 9 minute crab clump.



In summary, get your five ingredients. Mix the crumbs and Seminole tartar sauce and Tony's. Add the lump and gingerly mix. Melt butter in iron medium and cook the clump until golden brown. Flip. Cook until golden brown. Serve. Five ingredients, five steps. Less than ten minutes for a world class meal or snack before heading to the cemetery.

Faith, Hope, and Love,
TulaneLSU