re: the most embarrassed you’ve ever been

7th grade. I was in gym class and started feeling sick. Asked the teacher if I could go to the restroom and she said to wait about 5 minutes. Finally get to go to the locker room restroom and start throwing up. While I’m throwing up, diaharea starts to come out at the same time. I am wearing those orange parachute pants and somehow most of the diaharea stays in my underwear. I don’t have time to take them off and clean up because the rest of the kids are coming to the locker room any minute. So I just clean up what I can, leave most of the shite in my underwear and walk out. To tell the teacher I’m going to the nurse.
Once I get to the office to call my mom, I try and go to the bathroom in there. I start cleaning my underwear in the sink, and as I’m doing this the nurse knocks on the door and asks me to leave the door open because there is a horrendous smell so I have to put them back on. The smell is so bad, they think it is a sewage backup and call plumbers immediately. I’m waiting in the office for like 30 minutes as all the administrators are thinking there is a sewage problem, while really it is just me stinking up the place. They open every window and door possible but of course it’s not going away.

When my mom finally picks me up, we are stopped at a stop sign and I start throwing up again all over the side of the car while the high school bus is dropping kids off at the corner.

Thank god no kids from school ever knew, but I can only imagine what the office and nurses thought when they realized the smell left with me.