re: I don't know what to do. I just want to end it

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To clarify I don't drink or do drugs on a daily basis. Like I don't have a problem. I work my arse off during the week and don't touch anything and like to let loose on the weekend.

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If you're doing blow at any time, you have a problem because your life is not fulfilling to you in some way to be messing with that. It might be time to consider giving up the business or line of work you're in if it's causing you so much stress that suicide would almost seem welcome. At that point, it's not worth it to continue with it on a daily basis.

Forget what was or how you did financially, but just try to get by and make some decisions that will relieve some of the stress. Once you do that, you can look at being who you want to be and working on that rather than living in regret. You are very young and can start being a new person at any moment by putting some work in on yourself. And people recognize when a person changes and you will attract different types of people into your life that will likely leave you more at peace and fulfilled rather than living in regret. We all have regrets, but if we never change anything, the regrets can kill you. It can all be ok.