re: Do you have a life event or regret you just can't get over? (long)

I was going to recount something of my own, but it's trivial compared to your story. Beating yourself up for the rest of your life won't bring him back. Make your life count for something positive. That can never be anything but an awful experience, but try to use it as a springboard to do some good in the world in honor of your friend. You are living for two people now.