re: Favorite Charles Barkley lines

"You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right."

"We better not be doing the Bulls this year. Man, they suck! Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. Damn! I hate my mother for having me too soon."

After retiring from basketball "I'm just what America needs - another unemployed black man.

Ernie Johnson, on Reggie Evans being caught grabbing the rocks of Chris Kaman: "(Reggie Evans) got caught with his hand in the cookie jar."Charles Barkley: "Ernie, I don't know where you get your cookies at but the rest of us don't get ours there."

Kenny: "There's guys who go over to Europe and play overseas from America, and they dominate!" Charles: "Those are called 'brothers'

When the Dream Team was about to play the Angola national team, during pre-game interviews the other USA players provided diplomatic, face saving comments about how they would play hard and felt strongly they would win. When Chuck was asked about Angola and the game, he replied: "They're in a lot of trouble."

Charles Barkley on his thoughts about retiring before the season: "I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'"

"If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing."

After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: "You know why that little girl's crying? It's because she's thinking 'my daddy's a wussy'".

Barkley on Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith eating a box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him: "Both of y'all are going to hell for that. Y'all are going to hell with a first-class ticket. Is that how you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in the history of civilization when they're hot. Y'all are cruel man."

"It's kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith's house."

"I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five."

Charles Barkley after seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the screen: "Phone home." And later he remarks to Kenny, "Sam Cassell is a good guy, but he's not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon."

While watching someone in Australia put $1 million worth of rubies on a table: "Damn, must not be any black folks in Australia. You can't just leave $1 million worth of jewelry lying around the 'hood."

Asked if he had ever been in the governor's office in Montgomery, Barkley said no. "They don't let many black people in the governor's mansion in Alabama," he said, "unless they're cleaning."

To Kenny: "Hakeem couldn't kick your arse cuz you were too close, kissin his!"

Barkley on Hanno Mottola, who, as EJ remarked "is the first NBA player from Finland". Charles replies: "Of course he is the first NBA player from Finland, he's the only person in Finland."

On supersized Oliver Miller: "You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it."

"All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine."

On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots in losing to Georgetown in the NCAA tournament last weekend: "Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots."

I'd never buy my girl a watch... she's already got a clock over the stove.

"I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn ball."

On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: "In between arrests they do community service."

"Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn't know anything about it personally but I've heard about it through the grapevine.

"Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they're still pumping gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn't do much for them."

"Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I'm full."-- Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts

"I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character."

On the All-Star Game: "Hell, there ain't but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of 'em are right here in this room."

On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls: "Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss's wife having sex with a monkey."

After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge. Judge: "Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?" Charles: "Yeah I regret we weren't on a higher floor"