re: Crackpot ASOIAF Theories SPOILERS

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Jon becomes king after he marries Dany. The two have 3 kids after they learn that the Stark seed is stronger then Dany's scratched up va-jay-jay. The three dragons are warged to the three kids who grow up trained to green dream by their uncle Bran (lord of winterfell) and how to catch cats by their aunt Arya (head of the kingsguard). Every year Jon travels north to visit family and across the shattered wall to pay his respects to Ygrette. Sansa marries the hound and the two take over the Eyrie, having twin boys named Robert and Robin. Brienne battles Franken-Gregor, vanquishing the abomination while saving Jaime. Brienne is heavily injured in the fight, but we learn that her wounds have actually improved her looks, much to Jaime's pleasure. The two move to Harrenhal to enjoy the baths there. Tyrion is revealed to be the product of Joanne hooking up with the children of the forest. Using his super tree powers, Tyrion is able to vanquish the others whilst doing a somersault from dragonback. He kills off Cersei by letting the mobs of kingslanding do a Lollys Stokeworth on her. He serves as Hand for many years finally retiring to Casterly Rock, fat, happy, and rich.

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