re: What's your most desperate hookup story?

Two occurrences within a few days I'd like to forget.

Was in college out of state, and went to visit parents in Florida that I hadn't see for a while. They're crashed out, and I'm a night owl. Was dicking around in the home office and hopped online on the old Yahoo chat, where you could filter rooms by state. Struck up a convo, and went to meet a 40 something at her crib. She ended up being a solid 5, so I was a bit relieved that I wasn't completely duped. She was already tipsy when I arrived, so I knocked back a few shots to catch up. Long story short, we went after it a few times in her bedroom. Wasn't great, but didn't suck either. I checked off all the boxes, put some effort into it, and felt like I definitely gave her a few good ones. After my second time, I let her know I've got to bounce, and she starts talking shite. "Is that all? Are you serious? Well hell, I wish I would have known earlier". I throw on my clothes and start walking out while she's still in bed, and as I pass through the kitchen I swipe the $40 that was laying on the counter.

Two days later, back on Yahoo chat. Leave the crib to meet a cute chubby mom whose kids were gone for the weekend. I'm in the parking lot of some beach bar, and see this behemoth heading towards me. I'm literally cussing under my breath. I'd been hoodwinked. Fight or flight - what's it gonna be? Poon is undefeated, but there's no fkn way in hell I was going inside that place with her. I diverted her towards the docks where we could talk in private. Ended up at her place. She wanted it in the pooper. When we finished and I'm in the bathroom, I was so disgusted with myself I wanted to vomit. Made a quick exit.