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Message
re: Tough week for us...
Posted on 10/23/17 at 11:14 pm to cusoonkpd
Posted on 10/23/17 at 11:14 pm to cusoonkpd
OP, very sorry for your loss.
what happened to him, why did you pass? Was he sick or in some kind of an accident?
Did he leave behind children?
so sad, life makes no sense sometimes....parents worst nightmare
what happened to him, why did you pass? Was he sick or in some kind of an accident?
Did he leave behind children?
so sad, life makes no sense sometimes....parents worst nightmare
1
Posted on 10/23/17 at 11:14 pm to Finch
quote:
His wife going forward with her life is understandable but having complete disregard for the remains of someone you loved is not.
I agree but I’m not going to pretend to understand the widow’s perspective. The reasonable thing would have been to call her former in laws and ask if they’d like them. But I’m sure that wouldn’t be easy either.
This post was edited on 10/23/17 at 11:16 pm
Posted on 10/23/17 at 11:15 pm to djangochained
(no message)
This post was edited on 10/23/17 at 11:24 pm
Posted on 10/23/17 at 11:17 pm to cusoonkpd
I'm very sorry this happened to you and hope your family can find peace during this troubling time. I'm the same age as your son and just finished my chem program. I hope that young men like myself are able to help you understand what it meant to him to have family support while getting their advanced degree. Don't think I could have done it without all the phone calls to mom, dad or siblings over the course of my studies. If you need anything on here or need to talk, please don't hesitate to find me 
This post was edited on 10/25/17 at 9:20 am
Posted on 10/23/17 at 11:18 pm to ApexTiger
quote:
what happened to him
From earlier in the thread:
quote:
Drank one night and took a sleeping pill. Aspirated in his sleep.
Posted on 10/23/17 at 11:29 pm to cusoonkpd
what exactly spurned the phone call after 3 years?
Posted on 10/23/17 at 11:31 pm to cusoonkpd
I am sorry you had to lose your son at an such an early age. I can't imagine what that feels like, but I'd like to play the devil's advocate of sorts.
I have two grandparents that were cremated and buried. I have not visited these grandparents graves since they were buried and I loved them more than anything. Another grandfather was cremated with his ashes spread over the ocean from a P-51 mustang (he was in the CAF and loved WWII planes). There was a waiting period of several months before his ashes were able to be spread and in the meantime, his ashes were in my grandmothers closet. We even joked around about grandpop up in the closet. He would have thought it was funny and also, our memories of him were in our hearts, not in that bag in the closet.
I understand that your situation is a little different because you were not told that he was no longer with your daughter-in-law and that isn't right, but is it possible that she and her family are similar to mine where they hold the memories at a higher importance than the remains. As I said, them not telling you was wrong, but it might not necessarily make them bad people.
I have two grandparents that were cremated and buried. I have not visited these grandparents graves since they were buried and I loved them more than anything. Another grandfather was cremated with his ashes spread over the ocean from a P-51 mustang (he was in the CAF and loved WWII planes). There was a waiting period of several months before his ashes were able to be spread and in the meantime, his ashes were in my grandmothers closet. We even joked around about grandpop up in the closet. He would have thought it was funny and also, our memories of him were in our hearts, not in that bag in the closet.
I understand that your situation is a little different because you were not told that he was no longer with your daughter-in-law and that isn't right, but is it possible that she and her family are similar to mine where they hold the memories at a higher importance than the remains. As I said, them not telling you was wrong, but it might not necessarily make them bad people.
Posted on 10/23/17 at 11:33 pm to cusoonkpd
I'm so sorry for your loss. You seem to be very strong especially for your wife. Continue taking one day at a time.
I've watched my in-laws suffer for 31 years since they lost their youngest son at 23. The first 10 years were awful.
Praying for you and your wife during this difficult time.
I've watched my in-laws suffer for 31 years since they lost their youngest son at 23. The first 10 years were awful.
Praying for you and your wife during this difficult time.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 6:42 am to cusoonkpd
I lost my sister suddenly when she was 18 and in college. It was an awfully surreal experience to watch what it did to our family as I was 13 at the time. That 2am phone call and the chaos thereafter. Then all the sympathy. Then they all left and silence with my mother bedridden. She left shortly after for a “stress clinic” at Ocshner.
I say this to let you know how some very sorry I am for you. I was a teen and to this day can not fathom the pain they and you all went/are going through. I have three little boys now and I am mother hen. I hug them all the time. Here’s a hug your way.....
I say this to let you know how some very sorry I am for you. I was a teen and to this day can not fathom the pain they and you all went/are going through. I have three little boys now and I am mother hen. I hug them all the time. Here’s a hug your way.....
Posted on 10/24/17 at 7:22 am to cusoonkpd
quote:
his wife sent the remains (her)home to Mandeville when she decided to carry on with her life. Remains havd been in a box in a garage in her parents home in Mandeville for 2 frickin years!
I'd write that bitch a nice long letter explaining the absolute lack of worth that every cell in the organism that makes up her per adds up to. I'd finish it up with a genuine wish that she experiences nothing but a horrible remainder to her life.
Did you even ask for an explanation?
Posted on 10/24/17 at 7:30 am to cusoonkpd
quote:
wife gets a phone call and it is revealed that his wife sent the remains (her)home to Mandeville when she decided to carry on with her life. Remains havd been in a box in a garage in her parents home in Mandeville for 2 frickin years!
I will be in that area this evening. Give me the address. She will get a flaming bag of dog poo on the front door as gesture of our support and condemnation of her awful disrespect and neglect.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 7:43 am to Golfer
quote:
I agree but I’m not going to pretend to understand the widow’s perspective.
Agree. People cope in very different ways, some strange to us.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 7:51 am to cusoonkpd
Prayers your way
Posted on 10/24/17 at 8:00 am to cusoonkpd
I just wonder if she might have asked her parents to keep his remains safe while she tries to move on. Maybe wanted him to be where it would be easy to bring him back with her if she wanted to.
In the meantime, her mother decided she wouldn't be comfortable with his remains in her house, so she puts them where you found out they were. Your DIL may not have been aware, or couldn't control where her mother, being the kind of person she is, put them. Thus, it's her mom's fault, not your DIL.
Whatever happened, I am so very sorry you and your wife have been dealt this horrible loss. As a mom of a grown son, I feel so for your wife. I don't know how I could cope. Give her a warm hug from me please. I'm in tears for her.
eta...Going back to your OP, there is nothing her parents could say or do that would make me understand their reason for what they did.
In the meantime, her mother decided she wouldn't be comfortable with his remains in her house, so she puts them where you found out they were. Your DIL may not have been aware, or couldn't control where her mother, being the kind of person she is, put them. Thus, it's her mom's fault, not your DIL.
Whatever happened, I am so very sorry you and your wife have been dealt this horrible loss. As a mom of a grown son, I feel so for your wife. I don't know how I could cope. Give her a warm hug from me please. I'm in tears for her.
eta...Going back to your OP, there is nothing her parents could say or do that would make me understand their reason for what they did.
This post was edited on 10/24/17 at 8:04 am
Posted on 10/24/17 at 8:07 am to cusoonkpd
It sucks that your wife has to be put through this all over again. Time will heal just be strong for her in the moment. Anger and bitterness won't do any good.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 8:11 am to cusoonkpd
jeezuz baw that is awful
Posted on 10/24/17 at 8:23 am to cusoonkpd
Prayers my friend..
Posted on 10/24/17 at 8:34 am to cusoonkpd
as a father myself, I cant even fathom what y'all have been dealing with for years now. Sorry to hear and wish y'all the best.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 9:02 am to cusoonkpd
Terribly sorry to hear. As I’m sure you know all too well, you never truly get over that kind of loss. Instead you learn over time to cope and move on as best you can. It gets better, and the most painful days get less frequent.
As for your son’s wife’s actions, we all grieve differently and often the actions of others make no sense to us. However, it’s easy to understand your wife’s response to this news. And unexpected reminders like that tend to take us off guard and bring on the emotions.
You are right to focus on the positive, and you are right to be the rock for your wife to lean on. The most important thing that you can continue to do for your son is to take care of his mom in times like these. Wishing you, your wife, and your family the best.
As for your son’s wife’s actions, we all grieve differently and often the actions of others make no sense to us. However, it’s easy to understand your wife’s response to this news. And unexpected reminders like that tend to take us off guard and bring on the emotions.
You are right to focus on the positive, and you are right to be the rock for your wife to lean on. The most important thing that you can continue to do for your son is to take care of his mom in times like these. Wishing you, your wife, and your family the best.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 9:08 am to cusoonkpd
Should have sent them to you.
I'm sorry bud. Stay strong.
I'm sorry bud. Stay strong.
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