re: Opinion: My married longtime ex is texting me A LOT

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She didn’t meet and marry the guy in 15 months. She was hooking up with him behind your back just like she’s trying to do behind his back with you.

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These are facts. Let’s summarize:

1. You dated her for 9 years. Clearly you don’t make rash decisions. Also, if you (the guy) don’t remember why you broke up - then you broke up because she wanted to break up.
2. She dated you for 9 years. Clearly, she was not immediately looking for a wedding ring. However, she somehow fell so much in love that she was willing to get married in just over 1 year after ending the most important relationship in her life. While claiming “I don’t understand why it ended”.

Look OP. Here is info to chew on and understand:

1. Women like her are not stupid. They are calculating and cunning.
2. She was happy with you until she met him.
3. She weighed the options and found him to be much better in bed or a much better breadwinner.
4. She made her choice and left you on the corner (even if you think the breakup was mutual).
5. Now, she is questioning her choice and wants validation that she can have a “do-over”.
6. She wants you to agree to an affair and then she gets to make a decision at that point.
7. Her ego is now sky high and she feels beautiful again.
8. But here is the final answer. If she would not choose you over him back then - why would she choose you over him (and the children she has with him) now???

You got the silver medal once. Don’t accept a second one. This girl you are with may consider you the gold medal.

I see this

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married longtime ex is texting me A LOT

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And then I see this

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LSUJD_04

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I conclude that you are a lawyer and, as an older woman who can rely less on her looks with each passing year, she is looking for more security than she currently can claim.

Don't be stupid.

I assume most stories like this on the OT are BS and read this board like I'm reading The Onion. But if this story is true (a big "if") nothing says "I have no self-esteem" than someone who cheats or who is willing to cheat on their relationship and I firmly believe that. People with self respect do not cheat or hook up with those willing to stray. That is the definition of lacking character.

Did she get fat?

If so, there’s your answer.

Having been in a similar situation I advise you to cutoff all communication with the ex and never mention a word of this to your current gf. Stop asking the “what ifs” of life. Be in the moment and find where to put your next step. Here’s a hint, it’s not backwards. She’s married. That ship sailed. Don’t frick up a second relationship dreaming about a previous one. As long as ex is married no matter what she’s willing to do, you gotta be the gentleman and back away. Take a cold shower. Move on.

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I respect the sanctity of marriage

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Really?

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We dated for 9 years and even got engaged but we were dumb kids back then and had a huge fight that ended it all and we never talked for a couple years. She met and married a guy in about 15 months time which was fine with me. Now however she’s blowing me up asking those awkward questions like why didn’t we stay together like everyone thought we would and do I think it would work now, etc. I’m with a great girl who I love but at the same time this other girl is the standard by which I’ve always compared other girls. Even though she’s married and I never texted or spoke to her once I would still take a bullet for this girl without even a thought so I’m extremely conflicted. I respect the sanctity of marriage even though I don’t know this guy and I live 1000 miles away but this is that one girl that every guy has that changes everything.

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She is now the wife of another man. Though I know you still have feelings for her, don’t go down the road of adultery. It’s not good for you or for her and her family. It is a temptation to destroy what you currently have and her family. Your decision can affect many lives. That would be my counsel. Praying you make the right choice.

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But here is the final answer. If she would not choose you over him back then - why would she choose you over him (and the children she has with him) now???

You got the silver medal once. Don’t accept a second one. This girl you are with may consider you the gold medal.

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/thread

You guys had sex for 9 years. Her husband probably doesn't care if you get another round or two in.