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Message
re: Couples who stay together "for the kids"
Posted on 12/24/15 at 12:11 pm to Bullfrog
Posted on 12/24/15 at 12:11 pm to Bullfrog
quote:
11? That a tough age. I was 16. Little brother was 11. He's never been the same.
I was 8. Was fricked for years. Had to go through counseling for 5-6 years.
Obviously some kids/families deal with it better but I still wouldn't wish it on anyone.
The custody battle was probably the worst part. We went back and forth 3 times before finally living with my mom. It's just something no kid should ever have to go through. As a parent, it's your obligation to try every possible way to save a marriage before you subject your children to that.
This post was edited on 12/24/15 at 12:15 pm
Posted on 12/24/15 at 12:12 pm to RedRifle
My dad decided to stay with my mom for 12 years until I left for college. He did it because he couldn't bear the thought that someone else might raise me. He wanted to stay for me. He had to go to counseling and take antidepressants, and he suffered through shame and indignity, but he stayed.
I didn't learn that until I was 30.
When other people have said that their mom or their dad is their "hero", I always thought about my parents and realized I didn't think of them like that. I wanted to see them that way, but I just never did.
But now I can say my dad is my hero. He made a huge sacrifice for me and I never knew it. He never said a bad word to me about my mother.
I didn't learn that until I was 30.
When other people have said that their mom or their dad is their "hero", I always thought about my parents and realized I didn't think of them like that. I wanted to see them that way, but I just never did.
But now I can say my dad is my hero. He made a huge sacrifice for me and I never knew it. He never said a bad word to me about my mother.
This post was edited on 12/24/15 at 12:15 pm
Posted on 12/24/15 at 12:13 pm to AjaxFury
Home is supposed to be a kids safe haven, his stability.
School and football are supposed to toughen kids up for the real world.
School and football are supposed to toughen kids up for the real world.
Posted on 12/24/15 at 12:27 pm to MoreOrLes
quote:
Also the divorce laws are not fair to the income producer.
fricking this X 1000!
Yet another law the politicians have fricked up. My ex never worked, yet spent money like we had a money tree in the backyard. When I shut her spending down, she got revenge by having an affair. We subsequently divorced and she tried to take all my shite, most of what I had before marriage and the rest I acquired without any contribution on her part. She did this by getting other people such as her mom, and then her new boyfriend, to pay her attorney fees. After providing her a house, vehicle, and monthly stipend for a year, I managed to hang onto everything, including the kids, but it cost me over 100K.
frick politicians, frick lawyers, and frick vindictive ex wives!
Posted on 12/24/15 at 12:32 pm to bird35
Been (mostly) happily married for 20 years and I don't pretend to know what makes some marriages last and some end.
The only thing I can say for sure that all the successful, long marriages I know personally have in common is, at their core, the husband and wife are best friends.
Lust fades. Infatuation fades. Screaming babies and late bills and shitty jobs wear down the honeymoon phase of all marriages. If you don't enjoy your spouses company, you will never make it through the shitty realities of being grown ups together.
I have wonderful girlfriends but when I get good or bad news, read something funny on the internet, watch an awesome TV show, get a great haircut, or have a bad day, the first person I want to tell about those things is my husband.
No, we don't bang like rabbits all the time any longer and we see each other at our worst sometimes but he's my best friend and I can't imagine my day to day life without him.
We are both older, more grey hair, a little fatter, wrinkles around our eyes......but I still see the 19 year old college boy I fell in love with and told friends I would marry one day after our third date.
TL;DR - Make sure the person you marry is someone you LIKE not just someone you "love" and want to have sex with.
The only thing I can say for sure that all the successful, long marriages I know personally have in common is, at their core, the husband and wife are best friends.
Lust fades. Infatuation fades. Screaming babies and late bills and shitty jobs wear down the honeymoon phase of all marriages. If you don't enjoy your spouses company, you will never make it through the shitty realities of being grown ups together.
I have wonderful girlfriends but when I get good or bad news, read something funny on the internet, watch an awesome TV show, get a great haircut, or have a bad day, the first person I want to tell about those things is my husband.
No, we don't bang like rabbits all the time any longer and we see each other at our worst sometimes but he's my best friend and I can't imagine my day to day life without him.
We are both older, more grey hair, a little fatter, wrinkles around our eyes......but I still see the 19 year old college boy I fell in love with and told friends I would marry one day after our third date.
TL;DR - Make sure the person you marry is someone you LIKE not just someone you "love" and want to have sex with.
Posted on 12/24/15 at 12:45 pm to bird35
quote:
School and football are supposed to toughen kids up for the real world.
Nothing toughens up a doughboy 10 year old like a good old fashioned concussion
Posted on 12/24/15 at 1:00 pm to AUCE05
quote:
Marriage is outdated, and something we made up. Biology and evolution could careless about that piece of paper that ties people together
What's the preferred superior modern way to procreate and raise healthy well-adjusted offspring, pray tell?
Posted on 12/24/15 at 1:03 pm to RedRifle
My parents separated when I was 15 and divorced when I was 16.
It was best for both parties. Kids aren't stupid. They weren't fighting a lot but I could tell neither was happy anymore. I looked at it maturely and handled it like a man.
It was best for both parties. Kids aren't stupid. They weren't fighting a lot but I could tell neither was happy anymore. I looked at it maturely and handled it like a man.
Posted on 12/24/15 at 1:06 pm to BamaChick
quote:
Couples who stay together "for the kids" by BamaChick
Been (mostly) happily married for 20 years and I don't pretend to know what makes some marriages last and some end.
The only thing I can say for sure that all the successful, long marriages I know personally have in common is, at their core, the husband and wife are best friends.
Lust fades. Infatuation fades. Screaming babies and late bills and shitty jobs wear down the honeymoon phase of all marriages. If you don't enjoy your spouses company, you will never make it through the shitty realities of being grown ups together.
I have wonderful girlfriends but when I get good or bad news, read something funny on the internet, watch an awesome TV show, get a great haircut, or have a bad day, the first person I want to tell about those things is my husband.
No, we don't bang like rabbits all the time any longer and we see each other at our worst sometimes but he's my best friend and I can't imagine my day to day life without him.
We are both older, more grey hair, a little fatter, wrinkles around our eyes......but I still see the 19 year old college boy I fell in love with and told friends I would marry one day after our third date.
TL;DR - Make sure the person you marry is someone you LIKE not just someone you "love" and want to have sex with.
Fantastic post.
Posted on 12/24/15 at 1:06 pm to BamaChick
quote:
Make sure the person you marry is someone you LIKE not just someone you "love" and want to have sex with.
I don't agree with the "best friend" aspect of your post, but this statement is absolutely on point.
Posted on 12/24/15 at 1:08 pm to Y.A. Tittle
Given our social nature as a species and long childhood there are some pretty easily identifiable reasons for marriage from a biological and evolutionary perspective.
Posted on 12/24/15 at 1:10 pm to Peazey
Of course there are. People who think they look enlightened by declaring age old human institutions "outdated" more often than not look like fools, in reality.
Posted on 12/24/15 at 1:15 pm to RedRifle
As a teacher I have seen a lot of interesting family situations.
It is my opinion that it is better to divorce, be cordial, and put the child first. People who think staying together while being "miserable" is best for the kids are lying to themselves.
Kids aren't niave and pick up on everything. It messes with them plenty.
Nothing like explaining to your friends why your married parents don't sit next to each other at your games.
Kids need stability and discipline. This can be achieved by divorce parents if they can act like adults.
It is my opinion that it is better to divorce, be cordial, and put the child first. People who think staying together while being "miserable" is best for the kids are lying to themselves.
Kids aren't niave and pick up on everything. It messes with them plenty.
Nothing like explaining to your friends why your married parents don't sit next to each other at your games.
Kids need stability and discipline. This can be achieved by divorce parents if they can act like adults.
Posted on 12/24/15 at 1:17 pm to Mo Jeaux
So you don't think your spouse should be your best friend?
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