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Started By
Message
re: Any Mitch Hedberg Fans?
Posted on 1/22/15 at 8:06 am to Covingtiger
Posted on 1/22/15 at 8:06 am to Covingtiger
The escalator is my favorite.
I also like the UPS one.
"I love my UPS man, because he's my drug dealer...and he don't even know it"
I also like the UPS one.
"I love my UPS man, because he's my drug dealer...and he don't even know it"
0
Posted on 1/22/15 at 8:35 am to batonrougebuck
quote:
“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".'”
Guy was fricking hilarious. One of my favorites.....Much funnier when you hear him say it.....
Posted on 1/22/15 at 8:40 am to batonrougebuck
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow, that would suck. An arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. “Look at that dead guy… Let’s go that way.”
Posted on 1/22/15 at 8:47 am to Boondock Saint
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say, "Just press two for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough."
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shite into a truck.
I dressed up for the CD
One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,"Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." "You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... what's it look like? "
My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the frick’s really goin on down there? Who is the real hero?
I think Pizza Hut is the cockiest pizza chain on the planet, because Pizza Hut will accept all competitors' coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place. "Mitch's Pizzaria... this week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free."
I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say, "Just press two for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough."
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shite into a truck.
I dressed up for the CD
One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,"Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." "You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... what's it look like? "
My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the frick’s really goin on down there? Who is the real hero?
I think Pizza Hut is the cockiest pizza chain on the planet, because Pizza Hut will accept all competitors' coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place. "Mitch's Pizzaria... this week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free."
Posted on 1/22/15 at 9:12 am to batonrougebuck
quote:I don't dislike Mitch Hedberg, but I really don't get what all the fuss is about. He's just meh.
Any Mitch Hedberg Fans?
Patton Oswalt makes me roll on the floor, though.
Posted on 1/22/15 at 9:24 am to The Sad Banana
quote:
I don't dislike Mitch Hedberg, but I really don't get what all the fuss is about. He's just meh.
Patton Oswalt makes me roll on the floor, though.
Self-explanatory.
Everybody has different tastes.
Mitch is a bunch of one-liners with a dry, calculated delivery. I think his delivery is one of the best ever.
FWIW, I think Louis C.K. is the greatest stand-up comedian I've ever seen/watched/heard. That dude is the man.
Louis C.K.
Pryor
Carlin
My top 3.
Don Rickles, Mitch, Eddie Murphy, Chappelle are all up there too for me.
This post was edited on 1/22/15 at 9:25 am
Posted on 1/22/15 at 10:15 am to TheCaterpillar
quote:
Mitch is a bunch of one-liners with a dry, calculated delivery. I think his delivery is one of the best ever.
Steven Wright is another great one that falls into this genre. He is overlooked and very underrated.
quote:
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
quote:
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
quote:
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
quote:
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
quote:
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Posted on 1/22/15 at 10:45 am to TheCaterpillar
I used to lay in my twin-size bed and wondered where my brother was.
Posted on 1/22/15 at 10:58 am to batonrougebuck
A friend of mine asked me if I wanted a frozen banana...I said no, but I want a regular banana later...so yeah 
Posted on 1/22/15 at 11:02 am to SG_Geaux
quote:
Dude wasn't that funny until he died then it was cool to love him.
Have another downvote.
Posted on 1/22/15 at 11:12 am to aaronb023
quote:
Dane cook > NOBODY
Fixed.
Posted on 1/22/15 at 11:17 am to Sid in Lakeshore
I like baked potatoes. I don't have a microwave oven, and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows?
Posted on 1/22/15 at 11:18 am to The Sad Banana
quote:
Patton Oswalt makes me roll on the floor, though.
That is sad.
Posted on 1/22/15 at 11:34 am to batonrougebuck
Last weekend, I helped my friend stay put. It's easier than helping him move.
I just went over and made sure he didn't start loading shite in a truck.
I just went over and made sure he didn't start loading shite in a truck.
Posted on 1/22/15 at 11:43 am to batonrougebuck
mitch 
unfortunately didn't discover him until after he passed
unfortunately didn't discover him until after he passed
Posted on 1/22/15 at 12:05 pm to Sid in Lakeshore
quote:
Dane cook > NOBODY
Couldn't agree more. Dude is terrible.
Posted on 1/22/15 at 3:57 pm to TheCaterpillar
I saw Louis CK a couple of weeks ago live at Madison Square Gardens. He was incredibly good. I love his show and his standup. His insights and delivery are fantastic. For sure, one of the GOAT comedians.
Posted on 1/22/15 at 8:25 pm to When in Rome
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read.
Posted on 1/22/15 at 9:20 pm to Tiger4Life
I'm like turkey...just be yourself.
Posted on 1/22/15 at 9:43 pm to jmarto1
GOAT
His delivery made the jokes. Rip
Saw him 5 times live. Nothing like it
His delivery made the jokes. Rip
Saw him 5 times live. Nothing like it
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