re: Stewart Smith appreciation thread!

Stewie is hard pressed to get his dick skinners free from a cigarette and styrofoam of gin to touch a light switch.

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He also shops in the husky department at Dillard's.

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Goddamn that FB bio is epic.

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He also shops in the husky department at Dillard's.

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I see you're a FB friend of Stewie.

Might as well post it

Oh yeah sware to god

About Stewart
I shop in the Husky Department at Dillards

I am an extremely dynamic person, for example I don't use light switches, lights just turn on automatically when I enter the room, even in buildings without any power. I once visited the coma ward at a hospital and all of them woke up. I spend most of my free time neutralizing champions of communism and building miniature port o johns for the vertically challenged. I also build tiny working models of port o johns for architecual models and visual aids. I speak fluent Japanese in Latin, I am also fluent in spanish with a hint Middle Eastern Mississippi accentation. I am a lover not a fighter... but I am a fighter so don't get any ideas. In social conversation, I am reffered to as "a big deal".

As of this weekend, there is not a single animal I have not wrestled or snake I havn't handled at the audubon zoo. I once declawed a 400lb black bear so my friends could wrestle it in a controlled enviroment. I have fought and died for my country in every war of the 20th century in my 5 former lives, I can't tell you how I know this but its true. I am an a accomplished builder, an excellent drinker, and a competition eater. I have few enemies, and all of them still list me as their emergency contact number on employment applications. I sleep with my door closed and both eyes open. I prefer hand to hand combat but do enjoy checkers as well. I can hold my breath for 9 minutes and I hate sand.

Occasionally, the police question me just cause they think I'm interesting. Top analysts at the history channel now beleive that Nostradamas predicted me, but he didn't know what I was going to do, just that I was important. I have been to Bill Gates house twice for dinner and once to troubleshoot his computer. The Queen of England once stated in a public press conference when asking a question about our relationship "I like the way that boy is put togther." My florist is also my tailor.

I am the 2009 and 2010 repeat Ovid Street Chilli Champion. I have been known to perspire from time to time but don't think its cause of you. At the age of 3, I successfully negotiated a later kerfew using visual aids and legal jargon. I once rode a bull until it passed out due to exhaustion without spilling my gin and tonic, which is my drink of choice if your buyin.

I build for a living, but my heart is still with the Circus. I wear glasses cause they make my visions of the future more clear. I am excellent with animals. Children love me, and Larry Alleman wants to be me. I dance, I live, I love, I play, and I shop in the husky department.

They don't call him Capt. fun for nothing.

Email me and tell me.