re: I don't know what to do. I just want to end it

quote:

---

To clarify I don't drink or do drugs on a daily basis. Like I don't have a problem. I work my arse off during the week and don't touch anything and like to let loose on the weekend. 

---

I was a binge drinker/user, too. I had to come to grips with the fact that I did not drink and use like others. I would drink just to get drunk. Eventually, the buzz on alcohol was not enough and I turned to drugs. When splitting a six pack, my friends would drink one while I drank three.

It sounds like you may have the same problem. It's not unusual for alcoholics and addicts to have suicidal thoughts. It's one way the disease of addiction kills. Everything you're saying I've said to myself.

I suggest that you go to an AA mtg close by. Introduce yourself as being at your first mtg. Then sit back and listen and see if someone else tells your story. After the mtg, talk to someone about how you're feeling and that you're having suicidal thoughts. See what they suggest.

Next, go talk to a professional counselor. They can provide insight and help.

Moving or getting a new job or taking a vacation will not solve anything. Your problems will follow you. After all, wherever you go, there you are.