re: My lawn from hell. How do I fix this?

It's still too early to fertilize unless you are using an organic fertilizer. Synthetic fertilizers can be applied after the second week of April. The spring flush with the turf is driven by nutrient storage in the roots. Grass is going through spring root decline, adding foliage growth while depleting the root system. The grass is very suceptible to damage during this period because it doesn't have an extensive root system for regrowth. Stay off the grass with heavy equipment/vehicles during this time. Make sure to water in any synthetic fertlizers when you do put them down to make sure you don't burn your lawn.