re: Wife is mad because I won't go to in laws twice in three weeks

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No, this is some of the problem.

She has a very tight knit family, I don't.

She says things like, "I would do it for you" but I wouldn't do this type of thing even for my own family.

Plus, I don't mind doing my family stuff alone, she wants me at all of hers.

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So the “I would do it for you” is pretty manipulative given the time you’re being expected to travel. We just did Asheville which is about 5 1/2 each way and while I loved the trip I’d want no part of doing that multiple weekends in a row for a month.

At this point I think it’s worth sitting down and realistically having a conversation about what she’s asking for you to do. And I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say no to some of it.