re: Wife is mad because I won't go to in laws twice in three weeks

I think you are NOT the ahole. She wants to do these things and feels like if you don't go she will feel embarrassed when they ask where you are. You even offered to do one or the other as a compromise but she wants it all. Just stand your ground if you really don't want to go. She's doing the emotional woman stance... manipulating etc. She's right in her head that you have to do everything she wants to do and can't see it from your perspective.

I suggest trying to explain how it feels from your perspective to her. Tell her you need some down time on the weekend after working all week. If she gets even madder.. perhaps time pay attention for other signs she's being weird. hahahaha. Divorce is fairly common these days.