re: Does the surviving spouse get their spouse's VA disability benefits when they die?

When the veteran dies the VA kills the surviving spouse and buries them in the same grave as the service member free of charge.

But seriously, best advice is to find and seek the assistance of a local VA service officer (experiences may vary), veteran who has used extensive VA benefits, or visit a “vet center” and see if they have help. Local congressmen are usually pretty helpful for issues as well because it’s an easy PR stunt for them.

The VA can and does provide some fantastic and generous benefits but navigating the process is the hard part. Best of luck helping your parents or whoever.

ETA:
I’m also fairly convinced that anything is possible with the VA depending on how persistent and compelling the claimant can be. I hate the massive fraud that some veterans are committing for benefits but for legitimate cases I’d recommend asking for whatever you think you can make a compelling argument for. Then when they deny it, be a big enough pain in the arse to get someone in the bureaucratic leviathan to make it happen.