re: What happened to the cheating wife thread?

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one thing i never understood is the spouses that are unwilling to work on the way they treat their spouse but will go out and have an affair, essentially putting same effort it would have taken into someone new.

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These are usually the Cluster B personalities (NPD, BPD, etc) that do this. People are objects to them and only idealized images in their mind. Once the personality disorder is offended, they have trouble keeping the idealized version in tact. The offender is then all bad. They see things in black and white.

They are also paranoid and are so insecure that they need to find someone else to run their game on. They usually feel that their partner has figured them out once they are offended so they go ahead and look for their replacement.

Like another poster mentioned, it’s all about fresh new adoration and attention. The Cluster B’s are not only incapable of giving actual unconditional love but are unable to receive it. It’s all about people mirroring back to them what they need to regulate their emotions.