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Brother, God knows exactly what you're going through. He knows what's best for you and just because it doesn't seem like it, he's walking with you each step of your struggle. It just might be that in order to give you the blessing of what you're praying for you need to go through this to receive it. Whatever he has planned for your future, keep trusting that he is allowing this to happen. He might just be seeing if you truly have trust completely in him, that no fear can conquer our God. He will raise you up when it's your time! Someday someone is going to hear of your testimony, maybe your trials are to save another down the road. Keep your faith and know that this isn't rock bottom, your faith is what is keeping you from ever getting there. We serve a glorious father who works on his time for GOOD. When you're on the other side of this season you will find that the cross you had to bear wasn't as bad as it seemed! Good luck to you and God Bless you!