Does anyone have a good recipe for Squatch?

I don't know how big one would dress out, but I'm thinking there's gotta be 20lbs of backstrap there. Using everything I've learned, here's my recipe for butternut Squatch...

Fill a hot tub full of buttermilk and let soak overnight (make sure you scrape it down like a hog first) and don't turn on the bubbles. Butcher the Squatch like you would a Yeti, saving the toes for pickling (where they will reside in perpetuity in a jar on a counter of a gas station on the Natchitoches bypass). Put the cuts of meat on a hammock and cover with Tony's, shaking the hammock to remove the excess. Slow cook on a smoker made from a 500 gallon propane tank and a boat trailer. Make sure you spray it with apple juice from time to time and swab liberal amounts of butter on his testicles (hence the name of the recipe). You should keep it at about 275 for 12 hours. Be sure not to use hickory though as Squatch is more of a cherry or apple type of game. Let it rest 20 minutes before carving. Serve with a compounded pesto and unicorn butter.