Was It Rape? Or Was It Regrettable Drunk Sex?

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My self-worth was stolen from me by someone I previously trusted. In hindsight, it’s painfully obvious that he did me wrong. He violated me. He is to blame.

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It’s first semester sophomore year. A friend and classmate asks me to be his date to his team’s fall formal, held at a final club. My first date event! How could I say no to dressing up and getting free booze with Harvard athletes?

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That night, we get to the final club, and we’re each handed a bottle of Rosé. I look around and don't recognize any of the girls. Take a sip from the bottle. I have a handful of friends on the team, but they’re lost in the sea of made-up girls and rowdy guys. Take a sip from the bottle. I stay by his side. We mingle with other couples, take a sip. The guys start singing a repetitive chant, I don’t know what to do. Smile and nod with the beat, I guess. Take a sip. The bottle is gone. I’m 5’3”, 115 pounds. I don’t remember leaving the final club.

I also have no memory of the walk to his House, or the walk up the stairs, or the walk to his room. Next thing I do remember, I’m naked in his bed. I see his face—he’s on top of me, he’s inside of me, he’s sweaty. I vaguely realize what’s happening, and I explicitly realize that I don’t want to be where I currently am. Despite my confused state, I have an overwhelming instinct to leave. I get him off of me, and look for a way out. I walk into his roommate’s single, still naked. Wrong place. I walk through the common room, still naked, out the front door and into the hallway. I walk down the hall. I sit down and lean on a wall, maybe someone’s door. I black out again.

The next morning, I wake up alone in a foreign common room in a t-shirt that isn’t mine. I have bruises staining my sore legs, evidence of a nasty fall or two—evidence to anyone I was with that I was too drunk to consent. Still drunk, head pounding, throat dry, I quickly remember, in blurred bits and pieces, what happened. I’m confused, I don’t have any of my belongings, and I want to go home. So I do.

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Alcohol is an integral part of the college experience and the society we live in, for better or for worse. Alcohol also makes people more vulnerable. But everyone has the right to get as drunk as they want to without the threat of being raped. It’s easy to understand, but not so easy immediately after you’ve experienced an assault: Victims are not guilty for being drunk. Victims did not “put themselves in that situation” as a result of having been drunk. Victims should not ever feel ashamed of having been drunk.

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