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re: Parent Problems looking for advice
Posted on 3/8/18 at 5:08 pm to SwampBandit
Posted on 3/8/18 at 5:08 pm to SwampBandit
quote:
im fricken 26 and have chest pains from dealing with this man...
This isn't a healthy relationship for you and if it's not healthy for you, it's not healthy for your family. If it affects your relationship with your wife and your own mental health, it's time to cut all ties. Sometimes, these things happen. They're hard decisions when you love the person, but don't like them. If you cut ties with him, you are only guilty of keeping yourself and your family safe, happy and without unnecessary unhealthy stress.
If you have guilt in making a decision to cut him off, see a counselor to help you with that. I guarantee based on what little you've shared here, a counselor will support your decision and work with you to move on.
I really wish you good luck and hope you can get to a less stressful place soon.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 5:09 pm to SwampBandit
Tell him straight up that because of his past actions he is no longer welcome. If he changes with time (he won't) let see the kid but until that happens no dice. Don't fall for the sob story bullshite and understand you don't control him and he doesn't control you. If that doesn't work then you may just have to whip him and hope for the best.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 5:33 pm to SwampBandit
quote:From that moment on, he would’ve been dead to me and my family.
Prior to my child being born he got in a fight with me in front of my mom and Fiance at the time and said he was going to kill me, he has wished me and my wife would get in wreck with our unborn child, the list goes on..
Posted on 3/8/18 at 5:40 pm to SwampBandit
Yeah frick that guy. Just because he managed to produce an apparently functioning human being who then reproduced doesn't give him the right to see the child.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 5:47 pm to SwampBandit
quote:
i have asked him to go see someone and he wont because he doesnt think anyone is wrong and it would kill him to find out he really is bi-polar, im fricken 26 and have chest pains from dealing with this man
Speaking from experience, the craziest thing about a mental disorder is that the affected people think their behavior is normal. I know it's easy to say bipolar but there could be other issues.
Maybe it takes a restraining order to keep him away to understand he does have a problem. Verbal threats of death should be taken very serious.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 5:49 pm to SwampBandit
You aren’t wrong. He sounds like a POS. Scruffy supports your decision to avoid him.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 5:50 pm to SwampBandit
It is called a restraining order. I am sorry that you have had to deal with this ignorance. Ended so your wife and child won't be subjected to it.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 6:02 pm to rickyh
Thank y'all again, I know I have posted some dumb stuff in the past but I appreciate all the serious talk and advice
Posted on 3/8/18 at 6:05 pm to SwampBandit
There’s no need to have shitty people in your life. That includes family
Posted on 3/8/18 at 6:08 pm to SwampBandit
quote:
In these last few months i have noticed myself in a better mood because he im not letting him stress me out about time with my daughter...With all the things he has done from my childhood till recently he doesnt deserve to see me or my daughter in my eyes but am i wrong for that?
My advice. You're an adult. You don't have to put up with his shite anymore. If it's detrimental move the frick on.
You're the head of your household. He had his shot to run his and fricked it all up.
Don't you do the same shite. He's a cancer. Cancers destroy everything in reach.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 6:32 pm to SwampBandit
Piss on him. Do what is best for your child.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 6:32 pm to SwampBandit
Keep toxic people out of your life and especially away from your children, and even more especially abusive people.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 6:38 pm to SwampBandit
quote:
Sorry for the long story but i know somebody on here has to have went through similar problems
The solution is to confront him about his issues, tell him you want him to have a relationship with your daughter, but that he needs to get help.
Explain to him that, because of his issues, that's impossible right now. But, if he seriously tries to get help for his issues, you are open to changing your mind.
Perhaps your daughter is what he needs to finally address his issues. If he's unwilling, then you aren't wrong to protect your child, your wife, and yourself.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 6:45 pm to moneyg
quote:
solution is to confront him about his issues, tell him you want him to have a relationship with your daughter, but that he needs to get help.
OP needs to realize that his dad doesn’t deserve that. If he grants him that? So be it. It’s a privilege. His dad deserves a second chance at life. Not necessarily with the OP.
My wife (no pics) is in a very similar situation. Her dad has learned ZERO in his 70+ years on earth. He can bring NOTHING positive into our lives. Our son is 8. I’ve only dealt with the man at a funeral or two. He’s always cordial. I left the decision with my wife as she has to live with it. But I let her know she is the better person.
People who want to blame, or say things like “I’m the grandfather” just don’t get it.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 6:48 pm to SwampBandit
This story is why I’m convinced that justified murder is a thing.
Honestly OP, getting rid of him in every single way is the best solution. Not an easy one, but the right one for your family.
Honestly OP, getting rid of him in every single way is the best solution. Not an easy one, but the right one for your family.
This post was edited on 3/8/18 at 6:49 pm
Posted on 3/8/18 at 6:52 pm to SwampBandit
I think you made the right decision. I would keep my daughter away from him if he were my father.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 6:57 pm to SwampBandit
From my experience, when someone does what your father has done, they no longer have any right to have contact with you and your family.
People like that think that they are immune to consequences. It's time your father is shown that he isn't in control.
People like that think that they are immune to consequences. It's time your father is shown that he isn't in control.
This post was edited on 3/8/18 at 7:00 pm
Posted on 3/8/18 at 7:03 pm to SwampBandit
My mother's sperm donor was also a real POS. He was an alcoholic with a temper, as were a lot of Cajuns back then. He also molested my sister, which didn't come out until much later in life. I'm older than you, but nearly the same situation when I was about your age. About this time we learned about the molestation and I flat cut him out of my life. He's never met my children or my wife. In fact, I haven't seen him in nearly 20 years.
If you, as a parent, deem it unaccecptable for him to be in your child's life - so be it. He'll try to guilt you, but he's caused his own demise. Remember that.
Good luck!
If you, as a parent, deem it unaccecptable for him to be in your child's life - so be it. He'll try to guilt you, but he's caused his own demise. Remember that.
Good luck!
Posted on 3/8/18 at 7:07 pm to SwampBandit
Whatever you decide in regards to a relationship with your father, sounds like you could seriously benefit with finding a counselor/therapist to talk to about this.
Here is my story:
I've been dealing with my mentally ill father(severe anxiety mostly) for several months. It has been emotionally draining and very stressful. While he can at least see he has mental issues and needs medication, he refuses therapy ("talking ain't gonna help shite")and is oblivious to how his actions severely stress myself and my family out. He is very attention seeking and wants everyone to pity him. He totally takes advantage of my compassionate nature and inclination to do whatever I can to help him out. I'll get so angry and frustrated with him that I'll end up yelling at him and then feel like a shitty daughter afterwards and apologize and just further enable his need for attention/sympathy even more.
Because of how stressed out he has made me...I've started seeing a therapist to help me properly deal with my father. He's helping me to set healthy boundaries with my dad and still be there when my dad really needs me, but also be firm in making it clear that I'm entitled to my own life as well. Only been a handful of sessions but already it has helped me out so much.
Obviously my situation is vastly different than yours...but has the same theme.....we are both stressed out emotionally over our fathers.
Hope things get better.
Here is my story:
I've been dealing with my mentally ill father(severe anxiety mostly) for several months. It has been emotionally draining and very stressful. While he can at least see he has mental issues and needs medication, he refuses therapy ("talking ain't gonna help shite")and is oblivious to how his actions severely stress myself and my family out. He is very attention seeking and wants everyone to pity him. He totally takes advantage of my compassionate nature and inclination to do whatever I can to help him out. I'll get so angry and frustrated with him that I'll end up yelling at him and then feel like a shitty daughter afterwards and apologize and just further enable his need for attention/sympathy even more.
Because of how stressed out he has made me...I've started seeing a therapist to help me properly deal with my father. He's helping me to set healthy boundaries with my dad and still be there when my dad really needs me, but also be firm in making it clear that I'm entitled to my own life as well. Only been a handful of sessions but already it has helped me out so much.
Obviously my situation is vastly different than yours...but has the same theme.....we are both stressed out emotionally over our fathers.
Hope things get better.
This post was edited on 3/8/18 at 7:11 pm
Posted on 3/8/18 at 7:09 pm to Cdawg
quote:
Speaking from experience, the craziest thing about a mental disorder is that the affected people think their behavior is normal. I know it's easy to say bipolar but there could be other issues.
THIS
quote:
Maybe it takes a restraining order to keep him away to understand he does have a problem. Verbal threats of death should be taken very serious.
No maybe about it. You need to get one ASAP.
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