re: Parent Problems looking for advice

Tough situation. There has to come a time when you cut ties. Blind loyalty to anything just because they are your parent, sibling, spouse, etc. is stupid. If he would change (which I don't believe will happen) maybe give another chance.

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..With all the things he has done from my childhood till recently he doesnt deserve to see me or my daughter in my eyes but am i wrong for that?

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Not wrong at all. My grandfather on my dad's side was a huge POS that treated all of his kids and his wife (my grandma) like garbage. My dad kept me away from him and I never had a relationship with him nor went to his funeral. Based off of the stories I've heard about him from my family, I'm glad I never knew him.

You certainly need to forgive him for the past. However, that doesn't mean he has to be a part of your life or your kid's life.

I wouldn't cut him out completely. I wouldn't let him see my wife or child. You could meet with him in public if you feel safe as an act of mercy.

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You certainly need to forgive him for the past.

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No, he doesn't.

My brother doesn't understand why I don't have a relationship with my mom and visit her infrequently. He's younger and doesn't remember some of the things she said or did when we were growing up. Some things you don't forgive.

You're not wrong for that at all. I think your instincts are dead on about this situations and the fact that you are in a better mood confirms it...your body and mind are more at ease. The only person in this situation you owe something to is your daughter...you owe her safety and happiness. You don't owe this man shite.

You are making the right decision.

If you think there is any chance for reconciliation, you need to reconcile with him well before your daughter or wife get involved.

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I am a married man in my upper 20's with a 3 year old daughter. I grew up in a very abusive household with a mentally and physically abusive father. My parent divorced when i was 10 however my dad stayed controlling my mom and I and he still does. After the divorce he never moved on which leaves me, my wife, and my kid the only people he has which leads to him bugging us all the time. When my child was first born he would see her once a week however he would still complain that it wasnt enough time. Prior to my child being born he got in a fight with me in front of my mom and Fiance at the time and said he was going to kill me, he has wished me and my wife would get in wreck with our unborn child, the list goes on... Our previous incident caused me and my wife to push him out pretty much and not let him around however he says we are crazy and that it is wrong that he is my daughters grandfather.... In these last few months i have noticed myself in a better mood because he im not letting him stress me out about time with my daughter...With all the things he has done from my childhood till recently he doesnt deserve to see me or my daughter in my eyes but am i wrong for that?

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Your dad is fricking batshit crazy with legit disorders.
Get your wife and kid the frick away from that shite. End of story.

One of my parents has a similar story.
It's up to you, and I'd watch the interactions carefully.... But....

You'll be amazed at what the love of the grandchild will do to change a person.

Here's the fact of the situation. You hold ALL the cards!!
You've got the kid, and you can pull the plug at any point.
IMO, as long as the interactions with your daughter are positive and happy. It truly benefits both of them.

You should have a conversation with him about expectations and YOUR rules. And if he can't live with those rules, the consequences are no granddaughter time. He may huff and puff, but soon enough, he'll conform. That grand baby is too important to him. And as soon as it gets less than positive, ask him to leave... give him his warning.... or cut him off. whatever.
He may not have earned the right to build a relationship with your daughter. But your daughter surely hasn't forfeited hers.

Now, he may never change towards you. Or your mom/wife. But there's not much you can do about that. and at this point, I'm sure that you've come to terms with that part of your life. And I'm sorry that you've been dealt that hand. Truly!
I'd focus on making sure you provide the best terms/situation for your little girl to have an opportunity to spend time with the idealized version of your dad on his absolute best behavior.
He can be an a-hole on his own time, but when he's around her, he better be mary fricking poppins.

It's a tough decision. You never know what is the right thing to do. I can just say, that I've seen this system work. And the love of a grandchild can melt even the most cold of hearts.
Good Luck! I hope it works out for you!

My wife's stepfather is currently not allowed to be anywhere near our daughter due to the combo of him being bi-polar and not correctly taking his meds. Some may remember I posted that he got physically violent with my BIL at a Christmas party. Since then, he hasn't been allowed to be in the same building as our daughter.

Your child's well being comes before everything. It has made our relationship with my MIL a pain in the arse, but I'll be damned if I will knowingly put my daughter in harm's way. You're absolutely not wrong.