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Message
re: Divorce Experience
Posted on 1/14/23 at 1:17 pm to Alimoneydave
Posted on 1/14/23 at 1:17 pm to Alimoneydave
0
Posted on 1/14/23 at 1:25 pm to El Segundo Guy
quote:
When it all ended in 2014, I was "rich".
My attorney laid down the scary part like this: “You’re going to give her 750k of your 401k + 1500/month spousal support + 1882/month child support. Are you certain that you want me to file this?”
Me- Do it. I don’t give a shite about money. I want 50/50 access to my kids.
My attorney let out an audible “dayum”.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 3:01 pm to Alimoneydave
Is she good with just getting a "mediator" and splitting everything down the middle? If not just be prepared to pay a couple lawyers a boat load of money. Then everytime you get a raise at work...or she thinks you did...she will have you back in court wanting more child support. Again, paying a couple lawyers yearly.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 3:07 pm to Alimoneydave
Avoid attorneys. Try to get mediator. Attorneys are (rightly) incentivized to be adversarial. Mediators try to find equitable solution. Divorce is too sensitive a process for adversarial incentives.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 3:12 pm to HueyLongJr
Reading these threads
A) makes me really appreciate my wife
B) makes me think if it ever goes south, I'm faking my own death
I was a guardian at litem or whatever it's termed for an associate during their divorce. Essentially, I was at the house when they divided up their shiat. It was ridiculous. People that once loved each other were arguing over spoons and forks. I had to step in and remind them that Walmart sells this shite, the longer you take to make decisions, the longer you have to be in each other's presence.
Each one of them was hiding stuff from the other, and when it was found... holy moly...
A) makes me really appreciate my wife
B) makes me think if it ever goes south, I'm faking my own death
I was a guardian at litem or whatever it's termed for an associate during their divorce. Essentially, I was at the house when they divided up their shiat. It was ridiculous. People that once loved each other were arguing over spoons and forks. I had to step in and remind them that Walmart sells this shite, the longer you take to make decisions, the longer you have to be in each other's presence.
Each one of them was hiding stuff from the other, and when it was found... holy moly...
Posted on 1/14/23 at 3:16 pm to BabyTac
quote:
Honestly, in your situation, you’re better off just going to jail until your kids are 18.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 3:32 pm to BobABooey
(no message)
This post was edited on 9/13/23 at 1:02 pm
Posted on 1/14/23 at 4:07 pm to Alimoneydave
Let this be a lesson. Never marry without a prenup. Never expose assets. My buddies wife went to a lawyer to see about divorce. No spouse support, no money from investments or savings. Just her car and goodbye. Now he’s running through them and enjoying life again.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 4:16 pm to Sneauxghost
quote:
Let this be a lesson. Never marry without a prenup.
When we got married, neither my wife nor I had anything but debt to our names.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 4:20 pm to Alimoneydave
End it as amiable as possible. You'll thank yourself later.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 4:21 pm to Displaced
quote:
When we got married, neither my wife nor I had anything but debt to our names.
About the same. I had a little bit of money in a retirement account but not enough to worry about. We didn't have shite otherwise other than 2 old vehicles
Posted on 1/14/23 at 4:24 pm to HueyLongJr
quote:
Avoid attorneys. Try to get mediator. Attorneys are (rightly) incentivized to be adversarial
I agree.
If you have kids, do whats right and remain adults in dealing with each other. Try to make it as non adversarial as possible, you're both still adults and still raising that child.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 5:40 pm to mikelbr
quote:
That should tell you what's in store for you.
Haha, I've been married 30 years and my youngest is 16, I ain't getting a divorce.
My wife is one of those, "I might be a widow, but I'll never be an ex" type woman.
Anyway, divorce is for either the poor or the super-rich. If you are in that $1-2mil of combined net worth, which is probably a lot of us, it's cheaper to keep her.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 5:47 pm to Alimoneydave
Find her a new boyfriend with money, he pays for the divorce and in the exchange, you get custody...yes.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 6:01 pm to thegambler
quote:
Do not bad mouth their mother. When they get older, they will respect you for that
Yup. Also, your kid's identity is 50% of the mom. Badmouth mom and they internalize it as badmouthing them.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 6:43 pm to Alimoneydave
Please try marriage counseling first. I wish I would have fought harder, insisted, forced it, many years ago... I don't know if it would have worked but now I will always wonder.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 6:45 pm to Alimoneydave
I probably came out better than any man in a divorce, other than Brittany’s husband. We split everything 50/50. She didn’t touch my retirement and I didnt touch hers. She was making more money than me at the time so I got child support since we had 50/50 custody. And to top it off, I’d still hit it every so often.
Had a few guys tell me I was their hero and the girls I work with get really disgusted and pissed about the situation when we talk about it. I do have the kids way more than her because I’m the better parent. But Ive been making more money than her the last few years and still get that check.
Funny thing is, she hired an attorney and I didn’t. Went in and we sat down and worked it all out. Think she spent 5k on the attorney.
The attorneys will only fight as hard as she wants. If she doesn’t give a shite about things and doesn’t fight hard to get stuff, it can end quickly and amicably. If she’s kissed you left her and is mad about the divorce, you will be in for some pain.
Had a few guys tell me I was their hero and the girls I work with get really disgusted and pissed about the situation when we talk about it. I do have the kids way more than her because I’m the better parent. But Ive been making more money than her the last few years and still get that check.
Funny thing is, she hired an attorney and I didn’t. Went in and we sat down and worked it all out. Think she spent 5k on the attorney.
The attorneys will only fight as hard as she wants. If she doesn’t give a shite about things and doesn’t fight hard to get stuff, it can end quickly and amicably. If she’s kissed you left her and is mad about the divorce, you will be in for some pain.
This post was edited on 1/14/23 at 7:11 pm
Posted on 1/14/23 at 8:32 pm to Alimoneydave
If you and your wife truly love the kids, then think of them in every decision that you make. Divorce is very, very hard on minor kids (I know). IF you haven't been abusive or a bad father, then it should be easy to get visitation rights, where they stay with you every other weekend. Child support is a set calculation, and you won't be able to do anything about that. Alimony is a whole other animal.
My most important advice is the hardest to do; never talk bad about you ex in front of the kids. This is really hard.
My kids are now 20 and 22, and they respect and love me more than their Mom. Taking the high road for all those years and not talking bad about my ex was a big reason for this.
My most important advice is the hardest to do; never talk bad about you ex in front of the kids. This is really hard.
My kids are now 20 and 22, and they respect and love me more than their Mom. Taking the high road for all those years and not talking bad about my ex was a big reason for this.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 8:37 pm to Alimoneydave
quote:
Alimoneydave
How about remember your vows, let your wife be a SAHM and do her job as a mother and raise your child?
You have an 8 year old whose world is about to go burning down to the ground, you sound way too callous about this.
You took a vow and brought life into this world. Your duty is to do whatever is necessary to make sure your child grows up to be a good person and well adjusted. You are throwing your kids chances of doing that out the window.
Posted on 1/14/23 at 9:32 pm to Townedrunkard
quote:
Think she spent 5k on the attorney.
I've spent 17k so far in legal fees and still going...
The ex and I agree on most things these days but EVERYTHING that changes must go to court. I'm still paying child support on my 19 year old son who lives with me. My 16 year old daughters refuse to go back to their mom's house and I'm still paying for that. According to my attorney, the ONLY way to get child support reduced or visitation modified is to go before a judge. I guarantee you that I could broker a fair deal with my ex and we'd both be satisfied, but someone has to profit from people's pain...
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