re: Divorce Experience

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Sorry to hear that Will.

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My parents got divorced after 14-15 years of marriage and 3 children.

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That's very tough. While children are resilient and can bounce back, unless it was an extremely violent or abusive situation, most children will say they want their mom and dad together.

Nonetheless, we all persevere and move forward, as best as we can. Some days are better than others. Time helps, but I don't know if time will ever heal.

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My best friend's parents got divorced a few years ago after 50 years together.

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Ouch. That has to be a stinger for your best friend. I'm not saying that after that long you should stay together --- especially if there is abuse or violence or infidelity (which is complete disrespect), but I couldn't imagine the pain of that.

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Do NOT EVER trust an attorney. Not even your own. Verify everything that say. All attorneys around Louisiana know each other very well and they’re drinking beer and bbqing when not in court.

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Ding. Ding. Ding. Winner, here. 100 % spot-on analysis.

I can remember when I went to mediation. The only people "laughing" and "joking" --- I could hear through the walls were my former's wife attorney, my attorney, and the mediator.

And any disagreement, whether it was my idea (not even intentional either) or my attorney's (or hers, or her attorney's) only added to the billable hours.

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If a divorce happens years later the man should have to fill the gap between what she can make and what she might have been able to make had she stayed in the workforce.

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I do admit that the court system is often slanted against men, especially when it comes to custody. Still, I tend to agree with the statement above. It is well known that choosing to stay home with the kids reduces a woman’s earning potential, often for the remainder of her career. It’s one of the reasons that I went back to work after all of my children. I didn’t want to pay a mommy tax for the remainder of my career. The problem is that it’s difficult for the courts to separate out the women who would have increased their earnings potential from the ones who would have wasted the additional time in the workforce.

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Make sure you have a good lawyer. It's an investment. I paid for a good lawyer and have saved a lot of money in the long run.

Be there for the kids and go to their event. They need to know you care about them.

Do not bad mouth their mother. When they get older, they will respect you for that.

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This is perhaps the best advice. Especially the first point. Don't just hire any attorney, find a good one and do some research.

Also, go to therapy. You will need to be prepared mentally for something that will frustrate you for the next few years or so. That plus concentrating on your kids will help with the third point.

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bullshite, the woman gets to make a decision and the man has to pay for it?

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I feel this way about the divorce process in general. Most of the time it is the woman who files but then she will typically want more than half of the assets, child support, and alimony to maintain her standard of living. Who pays for it? The man, of course, who will often be left with a much lower standard of living after getting fleeced by the divorce industrial complex.

I'd say it should be the party who initiates the divorce is automatically barred from receiving more than 50% of assets and/or alimony and would have the other party's legal costs taken from their share of property. That is unless there is a provable cause for filing (infidelity, abandonment, abuse, etc.). Somehow you have to remove these financial incentives for (usually) women to divorce their husbands and make a half-arsed attempt to work it out.

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My wife and I get along okay, but the sex has dried up and we're really more like roommates at this point. There's no way I'll file for a divorce though, because I know how it will end and I don't want to give her half of my money to only get to see my kids every other weekend.

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I've found it goes through waves. Married 22 years. It got better for me.

Good luck. My wife asked for a separation when the kids were six and four. We went through a long separation. She was reasonable with the alimony and child support. She essentially took an amount equal to Catholic school tuition. We had 50/50 custody and co-parented well. I did my best to not tick her off over the years. Kids were ok through it all. My career suffered a little but that we be my biggest complaint. Kids come first but remember that you also deserve a chance at happiness.

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Guy I know got cut off sexually by his wife. He works she's a stay at home mom. He got tired of no secs. Left. Filed divorce. She got it all. He's paying for her to live and do nothing. Which is why I totally support secret infidelity over divorce. Anyway good luck.

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Same thing here. Which is why I’ll never marry again.

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Jesus frick divorce sounds miserable.

Marriage isn’t easy. It takes works. There are ups and downs and certainly days where I’d love to throw Mrs. Brobocop off a cliff.

But it’s worth it. The family we’ve built together and life we’ve created is worth it. I’d go to counseling and work through hard times (sans infidelity) before ever considering divorce.

Divorce seems far, far harder

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This can't be said often and loud enough. Well after over 30 years, both me and Mr. Momma have each had grounds to cut bait and walk, but for whatever reason ( at the time, it seems like it was always "for the kids") we didn't. Looking back I KNOW without a doubt it was better for our now grown kids and honestly for us as well.

Bottom line, life is not always easy, ever. It's hard to stay and it's hard to quit on a marriage, but unless there is some sort of physical or emotional abuse going on, a family, as a whole as well as all the individuals, will fare better if they stay together.