re: Budgets - Some questions

You say prioritize, and she is: she's spending money to enjoy being with people....not buying stuff. Sounds good to me. By your own admission, you've been OOT for four of her five trips...is she supposed to sit at home and darn your socks while you're gone? I'm assuming that not all of your trips were work related, as you mention one costing you $100.

Plus, If retirement is just around the corner and she still has living parents to visit, she's lucky as hell. I say go see em. And if you want her to make travel plans with you, you need to have a free weekend yourself.

Consider your own discretionary spending...boat, golf, expensive hobby? You may be spending on "stuff" while she spends on experiences.

The bigger question for me would be this: why stop working so young if you're gonna have to live without the things you enjoy most? (Such as travel.). I'd rather keep working part time to afford more travel. Have you discussed how you plan to spend your time during what might easily be FOUR decades of retirement? That's a helluva lotta staying home....and togetherness. She might prefer working full time into her late 50s or beyond, and traveling 2-3 weekends a month, with or without you.

Or, if she doesn't presently work, she might consider getting a job to fund the activities you deem as budget irresponsibility. I know a fair number of society ladies whose husbands early retirement drove them into late real estate careers, high end boutique sales, etc.

Micromanaging always killed me.

Rather than worry about every little thing, I use an App on the iPhone called Acebudget.

I broke down my budget and allocated a certain number of expected expenses. Rent, vacation fund, gas, electricity, etc.

That's set aside and I don't worry about it anymore.

Then I give myself a daily allowance to pay for off budget expenses...food clothes entertainment, etc.

What I don't spend one day rolls to the next.

Personal capital is great but if you thought Mint was too detailed, it would likely be the same issue for you.

One thing I do is I have different credit cards for different types of expenses (Groceries, Gas, entertaining/eating out, utilities). This makes it very easy to keep up with our basic categories.

If you want to go old school to keep things simple just go cash. Have an envelope of cash for each category on your budget. only fill the envelopes at the 1st of each month.

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The bigger question for me would be this: why stop working so young if you're gonna have to live without the things you enjoy most?

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But we aren't doing that. While I think she spends an outsize portion of our budget on personal travel, I do not think we need to reduce overall spending. I do think if she were to forced to choose between 3-4 girlfriend weekends a year, or 2 girlfriend weekends, and 2 weekend getaways for us. she would choose the 2 and 2. But right now, its not a decision point for her. She just says yes to the girlfriend weekends as they are usually planned months in advance. And we skip or skimp on our travel.

She does whatever the frick she wants when it comes to personal travel/shopping/salons/gyms/eating out. I don't see how be conscious of what you are spending is a bad idea. I am not suggesting that she stop going on girls weekends, or visiting her parents. I just want her to go - I have X amount of money, how do I want to spend it. As opposed to just doing everything and worrying about it afterwards.

I am flabbergasted anyone on the board would have a problem with this concept.

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I'd rather keep working part time to afford more travel. Have you discussed how you plan to spend your time during what might easily be FOUR decades of retirement? That's a helluva lotta staying home....and togetherness. She might prefer working full time into her late 50s or beyond, and traveling 2-3 weekends a month, with or without you.

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We fully intend to travel quite a bit, and will have plenty of budget to do so. I doubt there will be much sitting at home in retirement. And I suspect we will also have part time jobs from time to time in retirement to supplement income.

My wife also has a job problem. She loathes working, and job hops every 2-3 years, if not more frequently. She also has a propensity to just up and quit jobs. She also has tried being a housewife, but she ended up driving me nuts. She really would like to retire early. In fact, she really likes the idea of us retiring now, and just living on less. I just don't think we could actually do it.

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If I remember correctly from previous post, your combined income is >200k or so right? If she spends $5k on trips this year, but spends little in other areas such as shopping, I'd saying she's being perfectly reasonable. Her spending 2-3% of discretionary income is nothing you should even bat an eye at.

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And I really think budgeting is the solution to this. if she has a pool of money that is 100% hers to do with whatever she wants, then she can spend it on trips or salons or shopping and I really have no right to complain. But now, its not that. its just one pile of money.

She is going to win in this scenario as she will be able to spend her money without me having any say on the matter. And I win, b.c I am going to put boundaries on that spending. While I see a few epic level meltdowns at first when forced to decide on what to do, I think she will eventually like the concept as it will reduce friction.

Ygm

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It's easy to do. Having that joint acct makes life simple since we can both see where our money is going and both be on the same page while the separate checking accounts still allow us freedom to spend as we wish. It's a good system and I recommend it.

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You and I are on the same page. It's a "mine, yours, and ours" division of resources. If I decide to take my niece to NYC for a weekend, why not? If he's working & unable to go with us, I'm not going to "bank of husband" for permission to withdraw funds. I've got a side stash that doesn't impact our overall financial picture. Ditto for him: when his family, volunteer or club activities take him out of town, I'm not asking for an itemized expense report or badgering him to stay at Motel 6 instead of Hilton Garden Inn, LOL.

Life is way too short to fight about money.

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and this is what I want to move to.

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Sell it to her as full control over her portion of the funds. You won't ask about how she spends it, but it's a finite resource until the next pay/drawdown period.

Basically if wife doesn't want to be a part of the finances just tell her you are on bare bones whenever she asks how much money there is to spend. Whenever I get this question, I say things are tight and rattle off random expenses she has no idea if they are for that month or not. Then I remind her she is free to login on her own to check the balances. Pay yourself first and then stick to a monthly budget. Sometimes at the end of the month, I "force" us into bare bones mode even though we have saved 401k, IRA, 529, and money market. I have no issues going spaghetti and meat sauce last few days of the month if it means meeting my predetermined savings goals. I'm not working till age 60 or whatever so if I have to have some self control last few days of the month to hopefully do that so be it.

LSUengineer

Could you shoot that spreadsheet my way. Danthemancooper19@gmail.com