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re: Question about teen daughter keeping computer in her room at night
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:10 am to Agforlife
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:10 am to Agforlife
quote:
There is a difference between protecting and sheltering your kids. It's up to you to decide which is which.
Great point. One thing we parents of kids today have to realize is our kids are growing up in a far different world than we did. And social media is going to be a huge part of both their private and professional life when they grow up. It's up to us to not shelter them from it but rather teach them about it. They need to know to how to use social media and they need to know its dangers including the possible negative consequences of its uses. Now I'm not saying give them a device and let them run wild. Rather give them a device, show them how to use it and let them know up front that as long as they're living under your roof, everything they do on social media and the Internet in general will be monitored by you.
This post was edited on 7/31/15 at 9:12 am
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Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:13 am to madmaxvol
quote:
ou also run into the fact that it is a distraction that can keep her up late (even if just chatting innocently online). At this age, the kids need sleep.
i learned how to deal with no sleep in high school, which allowed me to dominate college. all the protected kids who didn't learn how to budget their time lost their mind (i literally saw them have meltdowns at points in honors college). i get your overall point, but you have to remember that high school is used to allow kids to develop methods to study, live, make decisions, etc that will make their college career easier.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:19 am to SlowFlowPro
quote:
all the protected kids who didn't learn how to budget their time lost their mind
Exactly people who hadn't made any decisions on their own were screwed once they got to college. I mean how can they not be, for 18 years they had every decision made for them. It is important for kids to learn to choose to do the right thing on their own. It is even important for them to fail sometimes. However parents should minimize the adverse effects of that.
I know one guy that for the first year and a half of college his mom would drive 2 hours to be there every couple of days to cook for him, do his laundry and help him with his homework and even so much as to make flash cards for him.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:22 am to financetiger
My advice would be to be clear with her about why you have the rules you have and to give her an opportunity to voice her frustrations and complaints.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:23 am to patchesohoulihan_007
Is anyone else disturbed by the high number of posters making sexual pedo comments about the OPs daughter? Why are yall talking about a 14 year old having sex or doing inappropriate things on the internet? Sick.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:25 am to uway
quote:
My advice would be to be clear with her about why you have the rules you have and to give her an opportunity to voice her frustrations and complaints.
i think this is a sound strategy. also using it as an opportunity to discuss the exact reasons why you're fearful is great, imho. i just see these as good opportunities for teaching, even if you do ban the usage. ensuring the kids know exactly why it's being banned is the important part. most kids i knew who got into shite doing stupid shite online weren't told the risks (now it was a different time before parents even know what teh frick was going on, but still). this goes well beyond sexual stuff, too. the whole online social behavioral system can cause drama for people (not just kids).
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:27 am to patchesohoulihan_007
quote:
It is important for kids to learn to choose to do the right thing on their own.
So you provide no guidance or boundaries for them, and they will just choose to do the right thing on their own? Why do any kids make bad choices?
quote:
I know one guy that for the first year and a half of college his mom would drive 2 hours to be there every couple of days to cook for him, do his laundry and help him with his homework and even so much as to make flash cards for him.
I know one guy who was a latch-key kid that is currently in prison for making meth.
See...there are extreme statements you can make for both sides. Setting boundaries for electronics for 14 year old kids does not equate to integrating yourself into you college student's daily routines.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:32 am to madmaxvol
Two things parents of teens need to remember about their kids.
1. Teens in general lack the ability to fully comprehend the long-term consequences of their actions. In other words, they think they're invincible.
2. Teens in general do not have a fully developed impulse control.
These two things are what lead so many teens to do some many stupid things.
1. Teens in general lack the ability to fully comprehend the long-term consequences of their actions. In other words, they think they're invincible.
2. Teens in general do not have a fully developed impulse control.
These two things are what lead so many teens to do some many stupid things.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:33 am to PBnJ
quote:
Is anyone else disturbed by the high number of posters making sexual pedo comments about the OPs daughter? Why are yall talking about a 14 year old having sex or doing inappropriate things on the internet? Sick.
Well, in 4 years, she's going to be a freshman in college, and everyone knew the people who had parents that were over protective over their children, and then they just go nuts with booze, drugs, and sex. He's putting his daughter on that path.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:35 am to OMLandshark
quote:
Well, in 4 years, she's going to be a freshman in college, and everyone knew the people who had parents that were over protective over their children, and then they just go nuts with booze, drugs, and sex. He's putting his daughter on that path.
by not allowing a computer in her room at night? y'all are ridiculous
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:37 am to madmaxvol
quote:
So you provide no guidance or boundaries for them, and they will just choose to do the right thing on their own? Why do any kids make bad choices?
Absolutely not. That is why 2 posts before that one I said its important for parents to minimize the risk.
So you think a kid should have every thing decided for them and when the time comes they should magically have the skills to make the right decisions on their own?
Also I understand completely that extreme cases exist in both circumstances. Again That is why again 2 posts earlier I said chances are with love and guidance, no matter what kind, your kid will probably be fine.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:42 am to OMLandshark
That's just ignorant. Having your kid get off computers, phones, etc. at bedtime isn't going to turn a kid into an immoral out of control young adult. I knew plenty of kids in high school with "cool" parents who were total screw-ups in college. Your generalization just doesn't hold true.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:42 am to OMLandshark
quote:
Well, in 4 years, she's going to be a freshman in college, and everyone knew the people who had parents that were over protective over their children, and then they just go nuts with booze, drugs, and sex. He's putting his daughter on that path.
I don't think limiting his daughter's access and time on the internet, including not allowing her to have it in bed with her at night, is going to put her on a path to becoming a strung-out drunken whore in college.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:43 am to Salmon
quote:
by not allowing a computer in her room at night? y'all are ridiculous
I am not saying she will go to that extreme just from this (however I know some are). If his rules are this strict on having technology what do you think his rules on her hanging out with friends on the weekend?
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:44 am to patchesohoulihan_007
quote:
If his rules are this strict on having technology what do you think his rules on her hanging out with friends on the weekend?
I don't think not having a computer in her room at night is that unreasonable
Our computer stayed downstairs in the computer room at night when I was growing up and my parents let me go out plenty as a teenager
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:46 am to Salmon
quote:
I don't think not having a computer in her room at night is that unreasonable
Our computer stayed downstairs in the computer room at night when I was growing up and my parents let me go out plenty as a teenager
I don't think it is either, just not the way I would do it. Its not right or wrong just offering a different perspective.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:47 am to financetiger
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:51 am to financetiger
I think that's a good idea if it's a school night. Kids need sleep.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:54 am to LSU8654722
quote:
I think that's a good idea if it's a school night. Kids need sleep.
This is especially true for teens
quote:
Teens are so full of potential, so full of life, so...sleepy. Research shows that most teens do not get the sleep that they need on a daily basis. Each person has their own need for sleep. This need may vary from one person to another. Teens are at an important stage of their growth and development. Because of this, they need more sleep than adults. The average teen needs about nine hours of sleep each night to feel alert and well rested.
Posted on 7/31/15 at 9:56 am to OMLandshark
quote:
Well, in 4 years, she's going to be a freshman in college, and everyone knew the people who had parents that were over protective over their children, and then they just go nuts with booze, drugs, and sex. He's putting his daughter on that path.
This type of bullshite is being vastly overstated in this thread. Girls with good parents and strong father figures are way less likely to whore it up in college. Some of yall are just trying to create some "good girl gone bad" fantasy.
ETA: If you do it right, your daughter will already see how bad some of her classmates have fricked up their lives before she even finishes high school.
This post was edited on 7/31/15 at 10:18 am
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