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re: Parents with prodigal children
Posted on 1/8/15 at 12:22 pm to Drury01
Posted on 1/8/15 at 12:22 pm to Drury01
I have two kids, and come from a large family (grand mother had 8 kids). You just have to realize some people are duds. My uncle is like your daughter. He is 60. Has been this way his entire life. He comes around to family functions every 2-3 years when he is trending normal. There's no amount of money that will get her straight. She is an adult, and it is past time to let her live her life the way she wants to.
0
Posted on 1/8/15 at 12:22 pm to Drury01
I'm just seeing this. First, thanks for posting and my agnostic-style prayers are with you.
If I were you, I'd cut bait. Invite her over for holidays and cheerfully take her calls.Let her know your love is unconditional. But cut her off financially and don't let her manipulate you emotionally WITH GREAT HASTE.
You owe this to yourself. The idea that you have to make your own life miserable for another person, even a family member (ESPECIALLY A FAMILY MEMBER) is incorrect and a recipe for a life filled with regret.
Make your peace with your efforts and your mistakes raising her. Forgive yourself for your errors. And cut her loose. Hopefully some day she will come back to you as a responsible person who cares about the feelings of others. But if not-THAT IS OKAY TOO. You have ONE life. There is no gold watch.
Good luck.
If I were you, I'd cut bait. Invite her over for holidays and cheerfully take her calls.Let her know your love is unconditional. But cut her off financially and don't let her manipulate you emotionally WITH GREAT HASTE.
You owe this to yourself. The idea that you have to make your own life miserable for another person, even a family member (ESPECIALLY A FAMILY MEMBER) is incorrect and a recipe for a life filled with regret.
Make your peace with your efforts and your mistakes raising her. Forgive yourself for your errors. And cut her loose. Hopefully some day she will come back to you as a responsible person who cares about the feelings of others. But if not-THAT IS OKAY TOO. You have ONE life. There is no gold watch.
Good luck.
Posted on 1/8/15 at 12:24 pm to Drury01
My parents would have cut me off at 14.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Posted on 1/8/15 at 12:26 pm to genro
quote:
genro
le master troll!!11!1
Posted on 1/8/15 at 12:37 pm to Drury01
I know my opinion is in the minority here, but I would continue to help the kid a little longer, at least until 21 or so. Keep trying to have her come around to visit, give her a place to crash or even let her stay with you guys for a while if she's willing. If some money helps keep her safe or off the streets, then give what you can. People's minds mature a lot during the late teens/early 20's and she may genuinely start to change for the better, but will definitely need help to do it. Don't be judgemental about her sexual orientation either...at least she doesn't have any kids! good luck!
Posted on 1/8/15 at 12:38 pm to genro
quote:
Sorry some of us know how to take initiative
This country has benefited from the legalization of abortion in a big fricking way.
Posted on 1/8/15 at 12:48 pm to GreatLakesTiger24
quote:Sometimes I impregnate homeless crackwhores just so I can abort the baby. We all have to do our part
This country has benefited from the legalization of abortion in a big fricking way.
This post was edited on 1/8/15 at 12:49 pm
Posted on 1/8/15 at 12:51 pm to Drury01
We just went through this with our 17 year old daughter. She became angry with her Mom over being grounded for failing grades, so she walked into the school counselors office the next morning and claimed physical abuse.
Within hours DSS had taken our two boys (younger) out of school to be interviewed and by that afternoon DSS was at our house going through it.
Long story short, DSS closed the case within 48 hours. Our daughter began moving between 2 or 3 family friends in town. We took all of her clothes, computer, shoes, pictures and boxed it all up. We left a bed in her room, nothing else.
We then told her that if she wanted to come home she would need to apologize to her family for lying about her Mother. She would also be grounded for a period of time and that she would be able to work her way back to having her things back.
For several weeks she refused the deal and continued living with friends. Just prior to Thanksgiving she returned home. So far, so good. It was tough taking this stance with her. However, we felt it was the best way to deal with the situation.
Within hours DSS had taken our two boys (younger) out of school to be interviewed and by that afternoon DSS was at our house going through it.
Long story short, DSS closed the case within 48 hours. Our daughter began moving between 2 or 3 family friends in town. We took all of her clothes, computer, shoes, pictures and boxed it all up. We left a bed in her room, nothing else.
We then told her that if she wanted to come home she would need to apologize to her family for lying about her Mother. She would also be grounded for a period of time and that she would be able to work her way back to having her things back.
For several weeks she refused the deal and continued living with friends. Just prior to Thanksgiving she returned home. So far, so good. It was tough taking this stance with her. However, we felt it was the best way to deal with the situation.
Posted on 1/8/15 at 12:51 pm to Epic Cajun
quote:
When I read the title I was thinking you were referring to a child prodigy... I guess this would be the exact opposite of that.
Same here.
OP has she ever voiced any emotionally that you can do?
Posted on 1/8/15 at 1:08 pm to geauxbrown
quote:
We just went through this with our 17 year old daughter. She became angry with her Mom over being grounded for failing grades, so she walked into the school counselors office the next morning and claimed physical abuse.
Within hours DSS had taken our two boys (younger) out of school to be interviewed and by that afternoon DSS was at our house going through it.
Long story short, DSS closed the case within 48 hours. Our daughter began moving between 2 or 3 family friends in town. We took all of her clothes, computer, shoes, pictures and boxed it all up. We left a bed in her room, nothing else.
We then told her that if she wanted to come home she would need to apologize to her family for lying about her Mother. She would also be grounded for a period of time and that she would be able to work her way back to having her things back.
For several weeks she refused the deal and continued living with friends. Just prior to Thanksgiving she returned home. So far, so good. It was tough taking this stance with her. However, we felt it was the best way to deal with the situation.
If any piece of shite scumbag kid of mine ever pulls something of this sort, they're going to become a slave if they want to live in my home again.
Posted on 1/8/15 at 1:25 pm to Drury01
Send her to Baylor. Nice girls to hang out with.
Posted on 1/8/15 at 1:27 pm to Drury01
(no message)
This post was edited on 1/13/21 at 8:51 am
Posted on 1/8/15 at 1:31 pm to geauxbrown
quote:
We just went through this with our 17 year old daughter. She became angry with her Mom over being grounded for failing grades, so she walked into the school counselors office the next morning and claimed physical abuse.
Within hours DSS had taken our two boys (younger) out of school to be interviewed and by that afternoon DSS was at our house going through it.
Long story short, DSS closed the case within 48 hours. Our daughter began moving between 2 or 3 family friends in town. We took all of her clothes, computer, shoes, pictures and boxed it all up. We left a bed in her room, nothing else.
We then told her that if she wanted to come home she would need to apologize to her family for lying about her Mother. She would also be grounded for a period of time and that she would be able to work her way back to having her things back.
For several weeks she refused the deal and continued living with friends. Just prior to Thanksgiving she returned home. So far, so good. It was tough taking this stance with her. However, we felt it was the best way to deal with the situation.
I am not a parent, but it seems like you guy handled this as well as possible. Good birth control, this post is.
Posted on 1/8/15 at 1:32 pm to geauxbrown
quote:
We just went through this with our 17 year old daughter. She became angry with her Mom over being grounded for failing grades, so she walked into the school counselors office the next morning and claimed physical abuse.
Within hours DSS had taken our two boys (younger) out of school to be interviewed and by that afternoon DSS was at our house going through it.
Long story short, DSS closed the case within 48 hours. Our daughter began moving between 2 or 3 family friends in town. We took all of her clothes, computer, shoes, pictures and boxed it all up. We left a bed in her room, nothing else.
We then told her that if she wanted to come home she would need to apologize to her family for lying about her Mother. She would also be grounded for a period of time and that she would be able to work her way back to having her things back.
For several weeks she refused the deal and continued living with friends. Just prior to Thanksgiving she returned home. So far, so good. It was tough taking this stance with her. However, we felt it was the best way to deal with the situation.
She is lucky to have you as a father and not me
Posted on 1/8/15 at 2:12 pm to Drury01
(no message)
This post was edited on 5/29/22 at 3:37 pm
Posted on 1/8/15 at 2:20 pm to Drury01
quote:
she is also a lesbian
What kind of lesbian? The pretty kind or bull dike kind?
Pics?
Is this her?
Posted on 1/8/15 at 3:09 pm to Drury01
As a physician who deals with substance abuse families and patients, I have a lot of sympathy for you. One recommendation I would make is getting involved with Al-anon or another support groups for those with family members with abuse issues. Read up and learn about co-dependency so that you can set boundaries in your relationship with your daughter and yet not get hurt emotionally or financially. Good luck and God bless.
Posted on 1/8/15 at 3:18 pm to Drury01
having raised to relatively sane children who are both productive adults, it's easy for me to say "tough love." In theory, you know you can't prop them up forever. in reality, it's got to be hard to find that line in the sand.
you need a good strong counselor to tell you what you know to be true...you can't help someone who won't help herself. all you do is give her train wreck some fuel.
you need a good strong counselor to tell you what you know to be true...you can't help someone who won't help herself. all you do is give her train wreck some fuel.
Posted on 1/8/15 at 3:50 pm to piratedude
Buy her a softball and a bat, or teach her to play basketball.
Then she can have fun and be around her type.
Then she can have fun and be around her type.
Posted on 1/9/15 at 8:17 am to GreatLakesTiger24
quote:
This country has benefited from the legalization of abortion in a big fricking way.
I'm sorry ... how is a birth parent to know how said child will end up? (Pro-life lady right here.)
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