re: No-win family situations

If you don't respect your mother, there's no way you can respect your wife. A good wife knows not to provoke mother.

-unless mom is an alcoholic or drug addict

You need a third party opinion. Ask your side piece

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My grandma told my mother I should be aborted because they needed a new car more than another kid.

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Grandma clearly knew best.

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But you have to side with your wife it seems

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These posters advising the OP to side with the mother must not be married.

Why don't people ever hear about son/father-in-law issues?

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rules of ethics.

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there you go with the attorney oxymorons again

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But you have to side with your wife it seems

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Of course you do. It is called being a man.

If you don't side with your mother your wife won't respect you. It shows you don't care about family

My mom is pretty involved with our family. She keeps the kids often and is at our house on a regular basis. She's also very normal and extremely awesome.

My wife is thankful for her help. However, as with any relationship there are times when my mom gets on my wife's nerves or does something my wife doesn't agree with.

When she brings these matters up to me my standard response is

"I don't want to pick sides between the two women I love most, so you should address this issue with her and leave me out of it."

It's always worked well, they're pretty open and have a great relationship. I wouldn't have married my wife if I thought she would have problems with my family. Both my wife and mom are extremely cool, loving, normal people.

I'm trying to keep my wife and her family speaking to each other. Full of drama all the time.

what is the conflict?

let the OT decide who is wrong.