re: Married baws - how do y'all handle finances

We started off with a joint account when we got married, and it was fine. But as kids came along and our lives got more complicated and busy, we found ourselves using the debit card too much without the other knowing what was going on, and neither one of us were real good about checking online banking, so we were having problems, as well as arguments.

So a couple of years ago, we shifted gears.

We have three accounts - joint, mine and hers.

Most of my paycheck, except $400, goes in the joint account. This is used to pay bills - mortgage, utilities, student loans, insurance, kids dancing school bills, etc. We spend 5-10 minutes going over it on the 15th and last day of month, but pretty much everything in this account is auto-draft. We keep a buffer in this account, and usually the amount I deposit is enough to cover all the bills, plus maybe 100 or so.

All of her paycheck goes into her account. From here, the vast majority of purchases are made, so groceries, clothes, gas for her car, stuff for the kids, going out to eat, and fun money for her.

The rest of my paycheck goes into my account. This covers gas for my car, when I need to stop and buy a few groceries, and my fun money.

It works for us.

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using the debit card too much without the other knowing what was going on

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I handle the checking account but can see where there could be landmines with this so I just text my wife the balance about once a week. However, I try never to get to a point where day to day purchases would even phase our checking account. If it's a big purchase, then we discuss it together before pulling that trigger.

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So if y'all don't want kids and are going to keep everything separate, why even get married?

Serious question

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We aren't keeping everything separate. It's really just the finances. We've been living together since we got engaged and everything has gone really well. It's almost like don't fix it if it isn't broken. We're both very particular when it comes to managing money. I pay bills like electric, fiber tv and internet, and water. Just because I like paying bills. So she just sends me money once a money Venmo style. Then we agree to save certain amounts of money each month for travel and other things. With the way we handle things, I don't have to worry about how she spends money, and she doesn't worry about me. We have what we need for the things we've agreed on, and we can spend the rest as we see fit. I can go out and buy a car or do whatever and I don't have to say a word to her about it as long as it works within the confines of what we've agreed to budget. Same with her.

We're getting married because we have a good relationship and we're both happy together and we live together. When you get married, you're making a vow to the other person because you want that bond, irrespective of the prospect of children entering into the picture. At least that's my take on it. Children may very well happen at some point down the road, but she's been adamant about not having them, ever. And I'm pretty much indifferent. I can see the pros and cons. It's not at all practical with either of our careers right now. She's in an almost completely male dominated field that is extremely competitive and it's not the least bit practical for her to have a child. We both work a lot so it wouldn't be fair to have a child and not be there as much as we should be.

Separate Property Regime.

(Mic Dropped)

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While everything is combined under the same bank, I manage it all. But the way we do it, and I believe it will work out in the long run, is at least 3 accounts, one for all the money to go into and pay bills out of, and then we each have a separate checking account where we effectively get an allowance to spend on whatever we want. That way if I buy something stupid, or she does, there's no argument over it.

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We also do this.

The only thing you have to watch is there are sometimes disagreements about what should could out of joint or personal. For example, wife wants to buy drapes for house. Joint or personal? Shoes? Make up? What about me buying food and beers when it's just me and bros? It gets hairy but we have worked it out

I make the money she pays the bills and keeps the house clean. We talk about purchases and whatnot.

I work wife spends it all.

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That's actually not a bad idea. I like the idea of each person having some money to spend and not having to account for it. It also makes it easier to buy gifts for b-days, valentine, mothers day, etc without them knowing about it.

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This is what me and my wife have done since we got married 9 years ago.

We have:
Joint Checking - All money initially goes into this, all bills, house hold purchases, and big purchases come from this.
Joint Savings - Self explanatory
His/Her Checking - this is just a small amount of money each paycheck that we are not accountable to the other for. Great for buying gifts without the other knowing or small purchases just because.

We each have complete access to all of these accounts. This has worked extremely well for us.

Combined. Everything is in joint accounts. She handles the bills, I handle the investments/retirement, and everything is transparent. It's worked for us for 16+ years so far.