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re: Kids in their 20's, what is the biggest mistake your parents made with you

Posted on 5/19/14 at 9:49 pm to
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
140462 posts
Posted on 5/19/14 at 9:49 pm to
Don't sit and pee
Don't be a beta
Don't get trashy tats
Slay dimes
Be an engineer
....
...
..
Etc.
Posted by josh336
baton rouge
Member since Jan 2007
77388 posts
Posted on 5/19/14 at 9:54 pm to
Yeah, thats what i thought, a bunch of nonsense
Posted by Bullfrog
Institutionalized but Unevaluated
Member since Jul 2010
56228 posts
Posted on 5/19/14 at 9:58 pm to
quote:

"teach their son to be a man" .........what exactly does that mean?
Sounds like a pretty good thread topic.
Posted by glassman
Next to the beer taps at Finn's
Member since Oct 2008
116109 posts
Posted on 5/19/14 at 10:05 pm to
quote:

Be an engineer


quote:

Slay dimes


Posted by sevenpercent
Member since Apr 2014
86 posts
Posted on 5/19/14 at 10:05 pm to
This has been said several times but imo personal finances/properly managing credit.
Posted by wallowinit
Louisiana
Member since Dec 2006
14978 posts
Posted on 5/19/14 at 10:23 pm to
The biggest mistake my parents made with me was to never acknowledge my successes but to surely never miss an opportunity to point out my failures.

Start RIGHT NOW doing every thing you can to catch your kids doing something - anything - right and compliment them for it. Don't wait for a response from them. Move on leaving them to ponder what just happened.

Do that every chance you get. Do not preach to them what they should have done about a situation they may have screwed up. Tell them you are open to giving advice if they ever need it and stick to that. If they ask for advice tell them what you did or didn't do in the same situation and how it turned out for you. Never tell them what they should have done. They will figure that out.
Allow them to fail and sympathize with them. Tell them you love them - because you do don't you?

But by all means catch them doing things right and acknowledge it sincerely. Physically pat them on the back or squeeze their arm or hand when you tell them. Occasionally reward them with a 'treat' for it. By 'treat' I mean something they want or like but don't do that every time.

Positive reinforcement, done sincerely with love, works much better than negative reinforcement.

That's all I got.

I tried my damnedest to do that and succeeded much of the time. I had to do exactly the opposite of how I was treated. It wasn't reflexive at all for me but I was determined that the insanity stop with ME. If only my wife had the same attitude but with her it's as if she's taking her pound of flesh for the way she was treated as a kid. Drives me nuts but I think my son at least understands what's going on and deals with it really well but it's difficult for him.
Posted by cas4t
Member since Jan 2010
70903 posts
Posted on 5/19/14 at 10:35 pm to
My mom was a drug addict for nearly 15 years, so don't do that. That really sucks for the kids.
Posted by SoFresh
New Orleans
Member since May 2010
3068 posts
Posted on 5/19/14 at 10:43 pm to
Mom was (and still is) an alcoholic. Very selfish, but proclaimed that she was never in the wrong and always the victim. Thank goodness my sister and I were mature enough to rarely take her seriously.

I think the best thing my father ever did was always keep his word. It gave my sister and I a person we could trust and therefore respect. With all of the admiration we had for dad, we rarely broke any household rules, even drinking (didn't have a drink until college).


I'd say the best thing a parent can do for their kids is be a great role model and never get caught up with the little things.
Posted by Mr Fusion
The American Dream City
Member since Dec 2010
7457 posts
Posted on 5/19/14 at 11:46 pm to
quote:

I see alot of posts in here advising parents to "teach their son to be a man" .........what exactly does that mean?



It means a lot of things. It means teaching him skills in life that will make him respect himself, and will make you and your own father proud. You want him to be a strong, honorable person who can take care of himself and people he cares about. So that means you should teach him true values that become part of his character, not just something he does occasionally. Your son should know how to be a friend to people. He should know how to love a woman and make her father proud that she chose him. My father taught me the most important part of being a man is the willingness to sacrifice your time and money to make sure that the people who matter to you are taken care of. My friends do dumb shite, and my girlfriend annoys me like no other, but I love them all and will drop anything to help them in times of need. I'd like to think that they would do the same for me.
On top of that, there are just some other skills a father should teach his son. He should teach him how to identify and solve a problem. This can be anything from fixing things around the house to figuring out a personal mistake and correcting the things you wronged. He should teach his son why hard work is necessary and the importance of taking pride in the work he does. A father should teach his son when to ask for help and when to figure out things on his own.
My dad wasn't perfect, and I still get very annoyed with him. But I honestly think that he did the best job he could, and he is proud of me. I can sleep at night and know that I will be OK because of how he raised me. This was confirmed this weekend by my girlfriends mother. We were at my brother's wedding, and afterwards she told me that sometimes her husband gets teased by his friends who say that his daughter is next, and that I'm going to steal her from him sooner than he wants. Her mother said that his response is that he is fine with that because he knows I will take care of her. And I think that is because of the things my father taught me about being a man.
Posted by ByteMe
Member since Sep 2003
22348 posts
Posted on 5/20/14 at 12:23 am to
quote:

what is the biggest mistake your parents made with you


When I was a teenager, I thought almost everything they did was a big mistake. I know now that I'm fortunate to have had such great parents. I hope that I'm doing the same with my Kids.

A great quote from Mark Twain...

quote:

When I was ten, I thought my parents knew everything. When I became twenty, I was convinced they knew nothing. Then, at thirty, I realized I was right when I was ten.


Posted by tigersownall
Thibodaux
Member since Sep 2011
15316 posts
Posted on 5/20/14 at 12:29 am to
Put that boy to work.
Posted by SG_Geaux
Beautiful St George
Member since Aug 2004
77964 posts
Posted on 5/20/14 at 12:31 am to
quote:

The biggest mistake my parents made with me was to never acknowledge my successes but to surely never miss an opportunity to point out my failures.



When I was in 7th grade, I brought home all A's and one B on a report card. My dad told me, that is good but next time let's see if we can get that last A.

I was crushed. That shite has stuck with me to this day
Posted by ByteMe
Member since Sep 2003
22348 posts
Posted on 5/20/14 at 12:41 am to
quote:

My mom was a drug addict for nearly 15 years, so don't do that. That really sucks for the kids.


I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. I can somewhat relate with that...My Niece had a drug problem and OD'd about 4 years ago. She left behind 3 kids, the oldest being 8 at the time.
Posted by ByteMe
Member since Sep 2003
22348 posts
Posted on 5/20/14 at 12:57 am to
quote:

When I was in 7th grade, I brought home all A's and one B on a report card. My dad told me, that is good but next time let's see if we can get that last A.

I was crushed. That shite has stuck with me to this day


I'm not judging, but I don't understand Parents like that. My Parents would have probably taken me out of school for a week and brought me to Disney World, If I would have brought home a report card like that.
Posted by Jones
Member since Oct 2005
90500 posts
Posted on 5/20/14 at 1:05 am to
Speaking of Disney world and parents.

Guy I knew when I was younger(like 12 years old) was playing in a tennis tournament. Long story short, he tried to have his dad removed from the facility during a match. Dad got pissed and dragged his arse off the court and made him forfeit. The family was going to Disney world from the tournament in baton rouge.

They drive all the way to Orlando. Walk to the gates and as the dad was about to pay for the family to get in, he looks at his son and says, nah you're an a-hole we're going home.

Drove all the way back to LA on the spot.



Random story i know
Posted by lsu480
Downtown Scottsdale
Member since Oct 2007
92876 posts
Posted on 5/20/14 at 1:07 am to
quote:

Speaking of Disney world and parents.

Guy I knew when I was younger(like 12 years old) was playing in a tennis tournament. Long story short, he tried to have his dad removed from the facility during a match. Dad got pissed and dragged his arse off the court and made him forfeit. The family was going to Disney world from the tournament in baton rouge.

They drive all the way to Orlando. Walk to the gates and as the dad was about to pay for the family to get in, he looks at his son and says, nah you're an a-hole we're going home.

Drove all the way back to LA on the spot.



Random story i know



I would have killed myself if I had a father like that!
Posted by Jones
Member since Oct 2005
90500 posts
Posted on 5/20/14 at 1:09 am to
All I could say was damn when I first heard the story
Posted by lsu480
Downtown Scottsdale
Member since Oct 2007
92876 posts
Posted on 5/20/14 at 1:10 am to
Thats SERIOUS psycho shite, especially since he made the entire family drive both ways!
Posted by Jones
Member since Oct 2005
90500 posts
Posted on 5/20/14 at 1:15 am to
And the daughter was along for the ride
Posted by VerlanderBEAST
Member since Dec 2011
18984 posts
Posted on 5/20/14 at 1:30 am to
The best thing a parent can be is loyal.

Your parent can be the biggest frick up but if at the end of the day they have your back before anybody and anything else then it will all work it self out
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