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re: Kids in their 20's, what is the biggest mistake your parents made with you
Posted on 5/19/14 at 1:56 pm to TutHillTiger
Posted on 5/19/14 at 1:56 pm to TutHillTiger
The best thing I think my parents did was expose us to their problems at an early age.
They did not shelter us from real world adult situations like careers, family, financial situation, etc. Anything that adults discussed/argued really. We were involved early on.
Don't try and hide it from them. They'll find out one way or another and are a lot more observant to your situation than you may realize.
I found my brother and I were much more mature than our friends growing up for this very reason.
They did not shelter us from real world adult situations like careers, family, financial situation, etc. Anything that adults discussed/argued really. We were involved early on.
Don't try and hide it from them. They'll find out one way or another and are a lot more observant to your situation than you may realize.
I found my brother and I were much more mature than our friends growing up for this very reason.
1
Posted on 5/19/14 at 1:57 pm to SuperSaint
quote:
Buy a bunch of condoms.
Wasted money?
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:01 pm to TutHillTiger
I think my parents maybe sheltered me from too much. They never really kept me from doing much but the things they didnt want me exposed to I got basically zero exposure too. I understand why they did it and everything but it presented some challenges for me when I was put face to face with these things this past year of college. (my first)
I think they did a fantastic job raising me outside of that however.
I think they did a fantastic job raising me outside of that however.
This post was edited on 5/19/14 at 2:05 pm
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:08 pm to TutHillTiger
quote:
I am a parent with kids in their teens, and fighting the being too strict versus too lenient battle daily. I have a 15 year old boy that acts like he is 12 and a 12 year old girl that acts more mature than I often do. I know a lot of you on here on in your 20's low 30's and reflecting back where do your parents screw it up or get it right?
You care, which is 90% of parenting. Don't stress out too much.
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:12 pm to LAtiger777
quote:
The two biggest issues among kids my age are that some of them have never been told no and some don't know the value of hard work.
I am facing this with my oldest, my 15 yo son. Great kid. No problems. Plays football. Good grades. My wife babies him and basically if he wants it, it is his, within reason of course. I cut him alot of slack because of this.
However, I really want him to learn the value of hard work outside of him mowing my yard and taking out the trash. Would love for him to go around the hood and get a yard bizness going but with football camps during the Summer I am afraid I will be the poor dude out there cutting the grass. I guess I may be able to sway him when he wants to drive.
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:12 pm to TutHillTiger
No complaints about the way they raised me, other than my dad having a short temper, and the way my parents used to fight. Lots of screaming, door slamming, threats of divorce on more than one occasion, and sometimes my mom would get in the car and leave and not return for hours. They both had hot tempers and tended to overreact over things, and as a child it's hard to understand that those kinds of fights don't necessarily mean the end of their marriage.
I'm determined to never fight like that with my wife, and especially not having shouting matches in front of the kids over stuff they don't understand. Wasn't until I was older that I understood that the fighting was mostly stress-related. We were a blended family with one income. I had two half brothers on each side, total of 5 boys in the house to raise, lots of stress over finances, and drama over ex-spouses on both sides. My parents are actually still together (much happier with retirement and not having kids in the house).
I'm determined to never fight like that with my wife, and especially not having shouting matches in front of the kids over stuff they don't understand. Wasn't until I was older that I understood that the fighting was mostly stress-related. We were a blended family with one income. I had two half brothers on each side, total of 5 boys in the house to raise, lots of stress over finances, and drama over ex-spouses on both sides. My parents are actually still together (much happier with retirement and not having kids in the house).
This post was edited on 5/19/14 at 2:13 pm
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:13 pm to TutHillTiger
quote:
We all think we are going to be better parents that the idiots that raised us, but in actual practice it a hell of a lot harder than you expect.
My parents did a great job, if I can do as good as they did I'll be fine.
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:15 pm to yellowfin
quote:
I'm determined to never fight like that with my wife.
Good luck with that one. It's part of the species. I don't think you can avoid it.
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:16 pm to TutHillTiger
Biggest mistake I would say was not getting me comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:18 pm to ILikeLSUToo
Hot tempers, this is unfortunately a big flaw of mine.
I try to not "blow up" and have a much longer fuse than I used too but they constant fighting and bickering between the kids and lack of respect that they show their mother and defiant BS sends me over the top almost weekly.
This was never an issue until they got to pre-teens.
I am almost always the "bad guy" but I be damned as I am going to let a child say F U to my face.
I try to not "blow up" and have a much longer fuse than I used too but they constant fighting and bickering between the kids and lack of respect that they show their mother and defiant BS sends me over the top almost weekly.
This was never an issue until they got to pre-teens.
I am almost always the "bad guy" but I be damned as I am going to let a child say F U to my face.
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:19 pm to barry
quote:
You care, which is 90% of parenting. Don't stress out too much.
Yeah, I'd say this is prettymuch it. Even when my dad got a little hot headed and didn't do quite the right thing, he gave a frick.
I will add that I'm in the fairly rare position of watching my dad raise a much younger sibling. The only thing I'd say is keep some perspective. Don't yell at them over tedious shite, but come down hard if they actually frick up with the law or something like that.
This post was edited on 5/19/14 at 2:22 pm
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:21 pm to TutHillTiger
I should've gotten cut off after the first time I was scholastically dropped, and then been forced to either work much more or go into the military to grow up. I didn't really mature fully as a person until I was 25. Hard to pass classes when you're drunk at Freds every night.
Set consequences for school, and stick the frick to them
Eta: I have worked hard manual labor jobs my entire life. I just partied harder when I wasn't at work and blew through all of my money and didn't take care of other responsibilities
Set consequences for school, and stick the frick to them
Eta: I have worked hard manual labor jobs my entire life. I just partied harder when I wasn't at work and blew through all of my money and didn't take care of other responsibilities
This post was edited on 5/19/14 at 2:25 pm
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:21 pm to TutHillTiger
quote:
I am almost always the "bad guy" but I be damned as I am going to let a child say F U to my face.
Be the bad guy if that's what it takes. They will always love and forgive you. As far as the FU thing, I would wear that arse out!!!!!!!
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:24 pm to TutHillTiger
quote:
but I be damned as I am going to let a child say F U to my face
What's the context of the FU? Did you deserve it? Quit treating them like they are inferior to you. If you give respect you will get it. If you demand it they will demand it. If you fight they will fight.
It's a two way street once they get to that age. Too many parent's don't realize that, end up pushing their kids away.
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:24 pm to TutHillTiger
My parents were good.. I worked for my spending money.. They paid half of my first car the other half was mine.. I did not have a curfew but I had to let them know where I was going and around what time I would be home.. Drinking was fine at the house but no driving at all.. I honestly didn't drink much in high school anyway.. I had to make A&B honor roll or get my Eagle Scout to get my drivers license I got my Eagle Scout.. I was never allowed to quit a team in the middle of a season growing up.. Oh grounding is stupid.. Manual labor sends a stronger message
They are gonna get in trouble and have a run in or two with the cops.. I know I did.. Don't over react.. If it's driving and alcohol take the keys.. I hated when my parents got pissed about small trivial shite
They are gonna get in trouble and have a run in or two with the cops.. I know I did.. Don't over react.. If it's driving and alcohol take the keys.. I hated when my parents got pissed about small trivial shite
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:24 pm to TutHillTiger
My Dad did an incredible job of always teaching my brother and me the "why" behind mistakes we made. Instead of simply telling us that we did something wrong, he always explained the bigger picture of why that was actually wrong. This taught us real world consequences vs. making us think our Dad was just an overbearing a-hole.
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:25 pm to TutHillTiger
quote:
Hot tempers, this is unfortunately a big flaw of mine.
I try to not "blow up" and have a much longer fuse than I used too but they constant fighting and bickering between the kids and lack of respect that they show their mother and defiant BS sends me over the top almost weekly.
You described my dad to the letter. From experience, they'll respect you more if you don't holler at them all the time. If fact, that's where they learned it from. Just calmly tell them they aren't doing or getting shite for a week.
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:28 pm to TutHillTiger
I would say don't give ultimatums, give options, but enforce whatever the decisions was made.
Certainly as a parent from time to tome you have to give ultimatums but in other situations.
For example if you are going to make him cut the grass and a bunch of other shite say. Hey I need you to do this by whenever or this weekend. Don't say go out and do it right now I don't care what you were planning to do. Other than that they were pretty good, gave me a little bit of money from time to time but I worked for most of my spending money - definitely suggest a part time job and help them figure out how to handle their personal finances.
Don't tell them who to hang out with and who not to, because even if you say no all they will do is lie to you about it. And if they lie to you about that it just makes lying about other shite easier. Instead emphasize good decisions no matter who you are around.
Also when you send them to college, even if you are paying for it, put the tuition money in their account and make them actually go and pay for the semesters tuition.
Certainly as a parent from time to tome you have to give ultimatums but in other situations.
For example if you are going to make him cut the grass and a bunch of other shite say. Hey I need you to do this by whenever or this weekend. Don't say go out and do it right now I don't care what you were planning to do. Other than that they were pretty good, gave me a little bit of money from time to time but I worked for most of my spending money - definitely suggest a part time job and help them figure out how to handle their personal finances.
Don't tell them who to hang out with and who not to, because even if you say no all they will do is lie to you about it. And if they lie to you about that it just makes lying about other shite easier. Instead emphasize good decisions no matter who you are around.
Also when you send them to college, even if you are paying for it, put the tuition money in their account and make them actually go and pay for the semesters tuition.
This post was edited on 5/19/14 at 2:31 pm
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:29 pm to TutHillTiger
My parents were pretty good and pretty straight up with me.
I do hope to be even more straightforward with my kids once I decide they're at the point where they can be reasonable at times and take in what I have to tell them.
I didn't land in any huge pitfalls, but I wish my dad had just said, listen, the reason you can't do X is because of ________, ____ and ______. Yes, I'll probably make your life bad if you do that, but that won't be your biggest problem. Here is how I screwed up and here is what it took me to get past it (insert terrible story). Moral of the story being that losing your truck for a month or something isn't going to bother you as much as missing out on going to X school because of your record, or not being able to be in a fraternity, or having to work more to pay off some debt, etc.
Money, girls, whatever. My parents were pretty clear that they would get me out of a bind, but that there are some things they couldn't get me out of. That played well with me, and I didn't push the limits much, so hopefully my kid(s) will be the same. Of course, I think you have to put in a lot of responsible parenting to that point to get kids who will be sensible with that approach.
I do hope to be even more straightforward with my kids once I decide they're at the point where they can be reasonable at times and take in what I have to tell them.
I didn't land in any huge pitfalls, but I wish my dad had just said, listen, the reason you can't do X is because of ________, ____ and ______. Yes, I'll probably make your life bad if you do that, but that won't be your biggest problem. Here is how I screwed up and here is what it took me to get past it (insert terrible story). Moral of the story being that losing your truck for a month or something isn't going to bother you as much as missing out on going to X school because of your record, or not being able to be in a fraternity, or having to work more to pay off some debt, etc.
Money, girls, whatever. My parents were pretty clear that they would get me out of a bind, but that there are some things they couldn't get me out of. That played well with me, and I didn't push the limits much, so hopefully my kid(s) will be the same. Of course, I think you have to put in a lot of responsible parenting to that point to get kids who will be sensible with that approach.
Posted on 5/19/14 at 2:31 pm to TutHillTiger
quote:
Kids in their 20's, what is the biggest mistake your parents made with you
Probably gave me a little too much freedom. Luckily, it all worked out, as I didn't get anyone pregnant and didn't do any hard drugs.
They always focused on making good grades and valuing an education. The rule was basically "make good grades and you can do whatever you want, within reason".
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