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re: Dating Morality Thread: Dating with No Intention of a Serious Relationship

Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:54 am to
Posted by TheFranchise
The Stick
Member since Feb 2005
6202 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:54 am to
SFP and I have a mutual female friend. She doesn't fit either of these two categories but definitively fits the topic. LOL
Posted by JBeam
Guns,Germs & Steel
Member since Jan 2011
68377 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:55 am to
I don't really see a problem with it. Males & females date people all the time that they see no future with. I think it has something to do with separation anxiety. Then when something better comes around. They'll drop the fling and move on.
Posted by Pilot Tiger
North Carolina
Member since Nov 2005
73142 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:55 am to
It's not necessarily a waste of time

The man wants a reliable sex partner and the woman probably wants some sort of emotional comfort as well

It's a business exchange essentially
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421881 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:56 am to
quote:

SFP and I have a mutual female friend


*scratches head*
Posted by 911Moto
Member since Sep 2013
5491 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:57 am to
Not a problem if you're up front and honest about it.
I could never do it. I've never dated more than one woman at a time. I've never had any interest in dating someone if I didn't think it would lead to a serious relationship. Never been interested in casual sex.
But then again, I'm morally superior to all of you fools - as well as intellectually and financially superior.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421881 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:57 am to
quote:

are they serious?

this is a completely subjective standard, but i think i found a good defining line

if you can walk away from the relationship (assuming no drama) without any care, it's not serious
Posted by Salmon
On the trails
Member since Feb 2008
83525 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:57 am to
quote:

It's a business exchange essentially


which works if both are on the same page

but more times than not, eventually someone in the exchange will become more attached than the other and want it to become more "serious"
Posted by Salmon
On the trails
Member since Feb 2008
83525 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:59 am to
quote:

if you can walk away from the relationship (assuming no drama) without any care, it's not serious


gotcha

and I'll say that if you can walk away from a 2 year relationship without any care then you are pretty soulless
Posted by rbWarEagle
Member since Nov 2009
49999 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:59 am to
quote:

is is wrong to casually date in this instance when you have absolutely no intention of any sort of real commitment, other than an exclusive sexual relationship? is there a societal pressure, expectation, and/or meme that it is immoral? there is a pervasive theme of "wasting her time" or "leading her on".



Hell no it isn't wrong. Just be clear up front and explain how you feel. Any hurt feelings will be avoided.
Posted by boosiebadazz
Member since Feb 2008
80185 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:59 am to
Depends if you are both on the same page about what's going on
Posted by JBeam
Guns,Germs & Steel
Member since Jan 2011
68377 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:59 am to
I've noticed that a few posters keep saying "if you are upfront and honest". How many of you have honestly had a conversation like this with someone?
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421881 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 10:00 am to
quote:

which works if both are on the same page

it works for the party who can walk away, also, but it may not for the other (esp without discussing it). that's why i framed this in terms of morality

i don't think you have a duty to tell the other person you don't "see a future" or however you phrase it
Posted by Goldrush25
San Diego, CA
Member since Oct 2012
33794 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 10:00 am to
quote:

because at some point it does become a waste of time if you are not "serious"


I don't get why it's a waste of time. If both are into it, not being misled in any way, and still enjoy each other's company, then it's ok, right?

Don't know how realistic that is but in theory if all the above criteria are met it would be ok.
This post was edited on 4/1/15 at 10:01 am
Posted by colorchangintiger
Dan Carlin
Member since Nov 2005
30979 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 10:00 am to
quote:

is is wrong to casually date in this instance when you have absolutely no intention of any sort of real commitment, other than an exclusive sexual relationship?


As long as you're up front about it there is nothing wrong with it. There is something wrong with the person on the other end thinking they can change you though.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421881 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 10:01 am to
quote:

I've noticed that a few posters keep saying "if you are upfront and honest". How many of you have honestly had a conversation like this with someone?

yeah how does that conversation go?

"you do realize this will never be serious or ever approach a long-term relationship. don't ever bring up marriage or living together, either."



even if a girl said "OK" to that, there's a high likelihood that she thinks she can change your mind over time
Posted by Salmon
On the trails
Member since Feb 2008
83525 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 10:02 am to
quote:

i don't think you have a duty to tell the other person you don't "see a future" or however you phrase it


if you genuinely care about the person other than for sex, I'd say you have some type of duty to tell them of your intentions
Posted by Pilot Tiger
North Carolina
Member since Nov 2005
73142 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 10:02 am to
I seriously had this conversation
Posted by Salmon
On the trails
Member since Feb 2008
83525 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 10:03 am to
quote:

"you do realize this will never be serious or ever approach a long-term relationship. don't ever bring up marriage or living together, either."


I've had this conversation and the girl was the one that initiated it

I would never call what we did "dating" though
Posted by colorchangintiger
Dan Carlin
Member since Nov 2005
30979 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 10:03 am to
I've told and have had several girls tell me they weren't looking for anything serious. NBD
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421881 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 10:03 am to
i'm known to tell girls (esp younger girls) right before we bang that if she gets pregnant i'm not marrying her, to ease my moral conflict

...it's never led to no sex
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