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re: Dating Morality Thread: Dating with No Intention of a Serious Relationship

Posted on 4/1/15 at 1:12 pm to
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421837 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 1:12 pm to
quote:

80% of your future happiness depends on who you marry.


I disagree

I believe happiness is internal
Posted by TheOcean
#honeyfriedchicken
Member since Aug 2004
42455 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 1:18 pm to
Currently spinning plates with an older and younger woman right now. I don't see the issue if you're upfront. Older women likely want that type of situation anyways
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
81185 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 1:22 pm to
quote:

I think the combination of "casual" and "exclusive" in the above sentence does not work together. I think casual dating people as described is fine. I think that once it becomes exclusive it is implying the possibility of something longer term.



Agree with this guy ^

I think people should probably casually date more than they do these days. It is weird how casual dating is treated now.

But if you are "exclusive," you're in a committed relationship.. and I see no point of being in a committed relationship with someone you plan to break up with eventually. Unless you just mean exclusively sleeping with one person to prevent diseases but still get arse all the time..
This post was edited on 4/1/15 at 1:24 pm
Posted by Bunk Moreland
Member since Dec 2010
53055 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 1:24 pm to
quote:

But if you are "exclusive," you're in a committed relationship..


Paging ASUrob...
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421837 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 1:28 pm to
quote:

Unless you just mean exclusively sleeping with one person to prevent diseases but still get arse all the time

Go read why I said guys would like exclusivity, lol
Posted by Jim Rockford
Member since May 2011
98142 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 1:30 pm to
As long as both sides are upfront about their intentions, what's the problem? Now, if one person is stringing the other along, that's another matter entirely.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
128950 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 1:31 pm to
quote:

80% of your future happiness depends on who you marry.



So if you never marry or get divorced or they die...you are doomed?


Marriage isn't for everyone. And it won't magically make you happy if you aren't happy with yourself first.



To answer the OP....I say as it's fine as long as it's made very clear to the other person your intentions and you aren't in a situation where you are leading someone on to think marriage could happen later on.
This post was edited on 4/1/15 at 2:21 pm
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421837 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 1:53 pm to
i think we all agree that lying to somebody in order to get personal gain is wrong. that's how i see "leading them on"
Posted by Lithium
Member since Dec 2004
61874 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 2:17 pm to

if I dated someone older than me it would be someone really old. I'm currently dating a nursing student, a PA, and a nurse in another state.

Don't plan on getting married again. Got snipped to prevent unwanted events.

I have a question though. Do you offer to pay for the baby sitter? And if so do you just give her some money or ask how much was it.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421837 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 2:21 pm to
quote:

Do you offer to pay for the baby sitter?

no
Posted by IceTiger
Really hot place
Member since Oct 2007
26584 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 2:47 pm to
SFP, I always appreciate your posts, but I think you are off base on several points...I am by no means a "get married/settle down" type guy, but you sorely overlook the potential joy that having a family/children bring...even if it ends in divorce
The value in sharing a commitment with others, especially children is quite fulfilling, I would say there isn't an appropriate amount of money that could buy my son from me...making my time/money/efforts with him worth the risk of being a penniless codger in my mid50s. (Albeit, I've made financial decisions that make it impossible for me to be penniless, and I'm in my 30s.)

Posted by sassyLSU
Lake Charles, La.
Member since May 2011
2080 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 3:01 pm to
if you yourself are incapable of being vulnerable in love and fear been seen for who you are, only date casually. people have already suggested you be upfront about your inability to be a loving, vulnerable human, so...

The Catholic church has long attempted to teach that you become like the company you keep.

Sounds like you might actually learn something from the older woman in your scenario.

and rest assured, you are not alone. Lots of people of both sexes cannot do anything more than procreate.
You may be playing Russian roulette with your girl #2. She can get pregnant.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421837 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 5:27 pm to
quote:

but you sorely overlook the potential joy that having a family/children bring...even if it ends in divorce

i completely understand this. that's why i am in no rush to jump into marriage and i can wait for a very suitable partner

that's part of the point of not getting bogged down emotionally by non-candidates that may hurt my ability to go for a suitable long-term partner

now kids (or from this angle, finding a breeding partner, to make it sound scientific) is that situation x 100

like i said, i'm not a MGTOW
Posted by tigerfoot
Alexandria
Member since Sep 2006
56205 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 5:29 pm to
quote:

that's how i see "leading them on"
Well, it would be creepy to be on the first date and let them know you aren't going to marrying and impregnating them.

You could follow it up with letting them know you were not going to be smacking em around either.

To your original question, just let it play out, we are all adults here and I don't think you have to define it one way or the other. And I don't think there is a moral issue either way, well, given we are pitching the whole premarital sex thing away. I am pretty sure we all agree it can come out of the Bible now anyhow.
Posted by The Boat
Member since Oct 2008
164071 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 5:29 pm to
quote:

1. an older lady who is fun, but not really a long-term option (age, kids, lack of potential to have kids, etc). we'll call her classy.

2. a younger girl who is immature with warning signs re: marriage. we'll call her the brat. not a long-term option b/c you know she'll become too demanding and is highly likely to let herself go once she gets into a settled relationship. perfect for flirty dating, but a terrible option for a LTR

3. White guy dating a pretty light skinned black girl.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421837 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 5:31 pm to
quote:

Well, it would be creepy to be on the first date and let them know you aren't going to marrying and impregnating them.

shite. really?

i guess that's more evidence for my ex's theory that i'm on the spectrum.

Posted by Sandy_Ash
Member since Feb 2015
1162 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 6:34 pm to
If you met the girl at a bar, no problem.

If you met the girl on a website designed to set up LTR, then it's kind of mean.
Posted by tiggerthetooth
Big Momma's House
Member since Oct 2010
61119 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 10:05 pm to
quote:

It's ironic because I think I take the concept of marriage much more seriously than a lot of people that are already married. The possibility of doing it more than once isn't something I'm remotely open to. So my first one better be a good one, if it ever happens of course.


Exactly my thoughts. I am rather shocked at the circumstances surrounding various people that I've known that got married early 20s. Some were spot on and made sense, but I think in some there's the "oh-shite-college-is-ending-everyone-is-getting-engaged-I-should-too" groupthink going on. Maybe thats why it seems everyone is getting married at the same time. I would never let other people effect when I get married.
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