Spin-off: Funniest Movie Lines Ever

Alot of things danny devito said in ruthless people.

All of blazing saddles.

The jerk

Lots. I'm high and trying to navigate the stars here.

"I used to frick guys like you in prison"

"Nobody's got a handjob in cargo shorts since Nam"



"Well Jules the funny thing is my back is that it's located on my cock."

"That's not cheating. People say crazy shite during sex. One time I called this girl 'Mom'. "

Like, let's say you're driving along the road with your family. You're drivin' along, la-de-da, woo. All of a sudden there's a truck tire in the middle of the road. And you hit the brakes. EEEEEEEEE! Whoa, that was close. Ha-ha. Now let's see what happens when you're driving with the "other guy's" brake pads. You're drivin' along, you're drivin' along, the kids start shouting from the back seat, "I gotta go to the bathroom, Daddy!" "Not now, damn it!" Truck tire. EEEEEEEE! I CAN'T STOP! There's a cliff! AAAAAHH! And your family's screaming, "Oh my God, we're burning alive!" "No! I can't feel my legs!" Here comes the meat wagon. And the medic gets out and says, "Oh my God". New guy's around the corner puking his guts out... All because you want to save a couple extra pennies.

We get it you are the coolest guy at shenanigans.

That's like being the smartest kid with downs syndrome.

Best is probably:
Where are all the white women at?

Very close second:
Gentlemen! There's no fighting in here! This is the war room!

Very close third:
Obviously you're not a golfer.

This conversation:

quote:

---

The Dude: Walter... what am I going to tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: I told that frick down at the league office... who's in charge of scheduling?
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: Burkhalter.
Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a fricking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: They already posted it.
Walter Sobchak: Well they can *fricking unpost it*!
The Dude: Who gives a shite! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on back.
Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: I'm shomer shabbos.
Donny: What's that?
The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fricking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shite *don't fricking roll*!
Donny: Sheesh.
Walter Sobchak: Shomer shabbos!
The Dude: Walter, how am I going to...
Walter Sobchak: Shomer fricking shabbos.
The Dude: Oh frick it. I'm out of here.
Walter Sobchak: Come on, Dude...
[rolls his eyes at Donny]
Walter Sobchak: fricking BABY...
[Donny nods]

Walter Sobchak: I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death...
The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fricking Jewish, man.
Walter Sobchak: What the frick are you talkin' about?
The Dude: Man, you're fricking Polish Catholic...
Walter Sobchak: What the frick are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Walter Sobchak: And you know this!
The Dude: Yeah, and five fricking years ago you were divorced.
Walter Sobchak: So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?
The Dude: It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fricking dog. Going to her fricking synagogue. You're living in the fricking past.
Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax...
[shouting]
Walter Sobchak: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I'M LIVIN' IN THE frickIN' PAST!

---

She touched my leg!

- So why do witches burn?
- 'Cause they're made of wood?
- Good! How do we tell if she is made of wood?
- Build a bridge out of her?
- But can you not also make bridges out of stone?
- Oh, yeah.
- Does wood sink in water?
- No, it floats. - Throw her into the pond!
- What also floats in water?
- Bread. - Apples.
- Very small rocks.

The bolded lines get me every time.