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Posted on 6/27/14 at 9:12 am to VABuckeye
quote:
You are enabling him by paying it off and helping him to hide this from others.
I know, but he's 12 years younger than I am and while I wouldn't call him "struggling," he's not in the same league as his in-laws and some of his wife's friends.
I'll just come out and say it - his wife is a materialistic millennial and puts a lot of pressure on him.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 9:14 am to VABuckeye
quote:
You are enabling him by paying it off and helping him to hide this from others.
This. He needs to own up to it. Otherwise he'll just do it again (or something similarly stupid. Just a matter of time.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 9:14 am to GenesChin
quote:
How cruddy is your brother as a person? This is messed up
Here's the deal. This is pretty cruddy, but ts not like there's a history of this. He basically told me he couldn't keep up with the Joneses and he didn't want to lose his wife because he couldn't afford to buy his kids crap.
I'm trying to wrestle how to handle this. It seems to be more of a marriage issue though.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 9:24 am to anc
quote:
He basically told me he couldn't keep up with the Joneses and he didn't want to lose his wife because he couldn't afford to buy his kids crap.
You need to bitch slap some sense into him. His wife is obviously a fricking count.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 9:40 am to Teddy Ruxpin
quote:
Hell, I could apply for 20 cards for my fiancee right now.
i'm telling.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:06 am to anc
I know someone who's parent's apparently opened cards in her name. They're now stuck paying off the debt to get their credit back in order. I think it's obviously put quite a strain on the relationship, but they don't have the heart to fix it by reporting it as fraud and bringing up charges against the parents. Tough situation. I don't know what I would do. I just don't know how anyone thinks this is a good idea.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:19 am to KG6
His wife should be told, ASAP. She's either part of the problem and needs behavior modification, or she's being deceived by him as well. He either tells her himself by Wednesday, or you take her to lunch in a public place and tell her quietly. (Less chance of a scene or ill behavior toward you if you do it in public.) if your brother cannot count on his wife's support when faced with a problem, then he has marriage issues. What kind of relationship leads a man to defraud his own mother? He may be caught up in something/one else, and she deserves to know about all of this. She's a grow up with a credit rating at risk.
Don't decide by yourself that she's the underlying problem. Give her the opportunity to know what's going on and you may be surprised to find out the real story. Does she work? She may be so mortified by this story, she goes out and gets a part time job to pay you back. Or sells a piece of jewelry to square up the debt, etc.
Don't decide by yourself that she's the underlying problem. Give her the opportunity to know what's going on and you may be surprised to find out the real story. Does she work? She may be so mortified by this story, she goes out and gets a part time job to pay you back. Or sells a piece of jewelry to square up the debt, etc.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:20 am to Lsut81
quote:
You need to bitch slap some sense into him. His wife is obviously a fricking count.
Man, this is tough. He's not going to put an end to it and will end up doing something far worse than this one day.
I'm changing my mind and think you need to administer some tough love here.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:26 am to htownjeep
quote:
Man, this is tough. He's not going to put an end to it and will end up doing something far worse than this one day.
Yup... If he did this to keep her happy, what is going to happen when she wants more?
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:45 am to Lsut81
I don't know the exact terminology but have your mom put a lock on her credit so no new accounts can be open with out her approval. I think they give you a code or something that has to be entered for credit to be pulled.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:47 am to LSUnGA
quote:
I don't know the exact terminology but have your mom put a lock on her credit so no new accounts can be open with out her approval
All you have to do it put a fraud alert on it... And it will trigger security questions, although the son would likely know the answers to those questions.
Don't know about the code thing
Posted on 6/27/14 at 10:58 am to Lsut81
Might want to get her a lifelock acct.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 12:12 pm to LSUnGA
quote:
I don't know the exact terminology but have your mom put a lock on her credit so no new accounts can be open with out her approval. I think they give you a code or something that has to be entered for credit to be pulled.
The term is "freezing" your credit report. It will keep any thing from being opened if you freeze all 3. You freeze on the bureau side and since nobody can pull your report, the credit doesn't get issued.
Can also be used to strategically force a bank to pull a bureau you want them to pull, instead of another less advantageous bureau.
This post was edited on 6/27/14 at 12:15 pm
Posted on 6/27/14 at 1:48 pm to anc
On the serious, defrauding your mother to decieve your wife is pretty far out there. Your brother is having some real issues if he is willing to go this far. Myself I would pay it off as you say your father would have wished but let him and your mother both know in absolute terms this is it. If it happens again you not only will not pay the balance but the balance will be disputed and the chips will fall where they may. Do not enable your brother as he will not stop and this is not helping him long term. By the way if there are other outstanding accounts they are his also.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 1:56 pm to anc
My sis did same thing, took parents ss# and rang up to the tune of 14k.
Gambling...
I've got the whole family locked down. If it ever happens again she's being served. She's completely written out of everything.
Gambling...
quote:
Might want to get her a lifelock acct.
I've got the whole family locked down. If it ever happens again she's being served. She's completely written out of everything.
This post was edited on 6/27/14 at 1:59 pm
Posted on 6/27/14 at 3:01 pm to ItNeverRains
Aren't lifelock accounts kind of a scam? I heard they definitely can have fraud committed even after having the service
Posted on 6/27/14 at 3:23 pm to anc
quote:
He's not going to tell me anything. And I promised I wouldn't tell my sister in law about the card.
You are not doing anyone any favors if he doesn't have to come clean about what he did to his wife. Honestly, I do not understand why people do not understand this, if people do not ever have to admit to those important people around them what they did wrong then why expect them to change.
Your brother has a problem. It is at a minimum stealing but most likely drinking, drugs and/or gambling. He may even be cheating on his spouse. Owning up to his wife about the Credit Card is the first step even if you have to tell her. Otherwise, this is a ticking time bomb that will only get worse because the entire family is lying to each other.
Posted on 6/27/14 at 4:21 pm to anc
Tell him that he will tell your mom or you will tell your mom by mid-week.
My brother stole some checks from my mom when he was much younger and racked up over 16k worth of charges. My folks booted him out of the house for good measure
My brother stole some checks from my mom when he was much younger and racked up over 16k worth of charges. My folks booted him out of the house for good measure
Posted on 6/27/14 at 4:36 pm to GenesChin
quote:
Aren't lifelock accounts kind of a scam? I heard they definitely can have fraud committed even after having the service
Not sure. We all have equifax and get alerts anytime major credits are levied against any account we have, as well as if new accounts are opened. Solid IMO
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