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Message
Spinoff from Little League Thread -- What's a Good Parenting "Medium"
Posted on 2/16/15 at 9:32 am
Posted on 2/16/15 at 9:32 am
That thread got me thinking. I can see both sides of the argument but the obvious answer is a happy medium. Do all those things until the game is out of reach. I have a 1 year old boy and another boy due in May. I want them to be well rounded young men. I want them to work hard, win yet show compassion and sportsmanship. Not be a total jackass yet not a pussy.
I want to discipline them but go back and forth on the idea of spanking. I don't want to be barbaric but I'm not going to let them get away with things then sit them down and explain to little Timmy why we don't gouge our brothers eyes out.
I guess my question is, what's a happy medium and how do you achieve that? What are your (parents only) thoughts on discipline and spanking? Is a happy medium grounding them?
I'm honestly asking because I was the most boring kid growing up. I didn't get disciplined because I was respectful, did well in school, and wasn't an a-hole. My dad says I was spanked one time when I was about 5 for being crazy in church and that was it.
I want to discipline them but go back and forth on the idea of spanking. I don't want to be barbaric but I'm not going to let them get away with things then sit them down and explain to little Timmy why we don't gouge our brothers eyes out.
I guess my question is, what's a happy medium and how do you achieve that? What are your (parents only) thoughts on discipline and spanking? Is a happy medium grounding them?
I'm honestly asking because I was the most boring kid growing up. I didn't get disciplined because I was respectful, did well in school, and wasn't an a-hole. My dad says I was spanked one time when I was about 5 for being crazy in church and that was it.
21
Posted on 2/16/15 at 9:36 am to LETSGEAUX2
10+ pages and most comments will be from people who don't even have kids
Posted on 2/16/15 at 9:36 am to LETSGEAUX2
The fact you are thinking about this and took the effort to write it down lets me know your family will be ok whatever you decide.
Posted on 2/16/15 at 9:36 am to LETSGEAUX2
quote:
I want to discipline them but go back and forth on the idea of spanking. I don't want to be barbaric but I'm not going to let them get away with things then sit them down and explain to little Timmy why we don't gouge our brothers eyes out.
You could give yourself a lot of sleepless nights staying up worrying about all of this. Best advice is to just take it as it comes, and try not to plan too much. As soon as your son lets you down one good time, you just kinda quit giving a shite and you start to feel silly for worrying so much. Usually around seven, you'll start to realize that you don't love them as much as you thought and it's easier not to get so worked up about it. Good luck
Posted on 2/16/15 at 9:37 am to LETSGEAUX2
:nb4nurse:
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:06 am to LETSGEAUX2
quote:
What are your (parents only) thoughts on discipline and spanking?
In my view, the most important trait for a parent to have is integrity when it comes to kids and discipline. You say what you mean, and you mean what you say.
If you promise something to your kid, you follow up on it.
Likewise, if you tell a kid that you are going to punish him, you follow up on it. And the other parent backs you.
Kids will soon learn not to mess with you because you are going to learn to exercise care with what you promise and what you threaten. And the kid is going to learn that your words are not idle chatter.
Spanking and corporal punishment becomes irrelevant past that point. Because they know they WILL get it if they cross the line.
Increase the power of what you say by building the meaning of what you promise.
Ask yourself, what would Tywin Lannister say here? And would he back that up? You're damn right he would.
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:08 am to LETSGEAUX2
I have 4 kids, we have had a blast, they are all great ranging in age from 13-20. We spanked but here is the deal: reserve spanking for times they are flat out rebellious, then bring it. I've heard it said this way, authority must win and win decisively. Another key is do what you say you'll do, if you are believable, they will believe you, if you just run your mouth and don't follow up, they will not respect you. Be consistent. If you will do this, you'll have the bulk of your discipline done by age 5, rarely had to spank after then. Our kids are some of our favorite people.
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:10 am to LETSGEAUX2
I spank.
I got spanked.
I do timeouts and talking to's.
Punishment fits the crime at my house.
I got spanked.
I do timeouts and talking to's.
Punishment fits the crime at my house.
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:15 am to LETSGEAUX2
--crap thought I hit edit on this post and instead hit reply -- Post is below.
This post was edited on 2/16/15 at 10:19 am
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:17 am to Meauxjeaux
I don't understand travel ball.
Too time consuming and you'd think kids and parents would get sick of it.
Too time consuming and you'd think kids and parents would get sick of it.
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:18 am to LETSGEAUX2
Admit when you don't know. Show a willingness to learn what you don't know. Your work ethic will be seen as authentic and will carry on to your kids.
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:18 am to Meauxjeaux
We spanked them some... it didn't take alot.
But once or twice was pretty serious. They got the message.
My oldest are now 20 and 17. They are pretty damned well adjusted for kids their age.
You have to give boundaries... if you don't they understand that you don't really care. Sure, they'll test and push and whine and cry, but if you don't set them, look out.
But once or twice was pretty serious. They got the message.
My oldest are now 20 and 17. They are pretty damned well adjusted for kids their age.
You have to give boundaries... if you don't they understand that you don't really care. Sure, they'll test and push and whine and cry, but if you don't set them, look out.
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:19 am to TIGRLEE
quote:
I don't understand travel ball.
I edited out that reply because I misread the OP.
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:19 am to LETSGEAUX2
pay attention to your kids, if you are present, and involved with them in their daily activities you will not have any trouble figuring out what works and what doesn't regarding discipline.
I like to give em enough rope to make a few decisions, if they think thru their stuff I generally let them go with it. Sometimes even old people can learn a thing or two from a kids point of view. Of course if they just do something that you know they know is wrong, or they start down the road of hurting someone or themselves. You must act pretty harshly.
I like to give em enough rope to make a few decisions, if they think thru their stuff I generally let them go with it. Sometimes even old people can learn a thing or two from a kids point of view. Of course if they just do something that you know they know is wrong, or they start down the road of hurting someone or themselves. You must act pretty harshly.
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:20 am to LETSGEAUX2
Chastise then with scorpions.
Source: no kids
Source: no kids
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:20 am to LETSGEAUX2
quote:
what's a happy medium and how do you achieve that? What are your (parents only) thoughts on discipline and spanking? Is a happy medium grounding them?
I don't plan on spanking my daughter. She is almost 2 and I haven't done it yet.
I just don't see the reason, and to me, it seems like it would send conflicting messages to a child.
Grounding, timeout, sitting down and discussing calmly with the child about right and wrong seems like the better method.
We shall see though. She is just now getting to the age where she is really testing us.
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:20 am to TIGRLEE
quote:
I don't understand travel ball.
I hope you never will. Thousands spent for skills you can develop in your backyard or the local park with friends.
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:21 am to Salmon
Haha haha
Salmon, I appreciate the optimism
Salmon, I appreciate the optimism
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:23 am to Rouge
I'm pretty calm with our daughter and can usually calm her down by just talking to her my wife though, she gets worked up/stressed, so I can see my wife spanking some
Posted on 2/16/15 at 10:28 am to LETSGEAUX2
The greatest discipline comes from a fear they will disappoint you if they have respect for you. That starts with showing love, affection and pride in your children when they do right. I spanked until about age 9 - rarely. And the best use of a spanking was telling them they would be spanked and sticking to it. Afterwards I always talked to them about why they got spanked (once they were old enough to reason).
Prior to the age of discussion, spanking was reserved for willful disobedience that might result in serious injury to themselves, or extreme disrespect (spitting on me or their mom is an example).
Prior to the age of discussion, spanking was reserved for willful disobedience that might result in serious injury to themselves, or extreme disrespect (spitting on me or their mom is an example).
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