re: What were some funny things your high school coach did/said?

After I dropped a pass, he said, "I bet if it was gonorrhea you would catch it."

"Now playing left end: Stoner!"

Some guy drove by our practice one time and yelled hey or something at our coach. He goes, oh man y'all that was ole Jimmy. You don't wanna be like Jimmy, he smokes that hippy lettuce.

Also about this time of year, when it was 1000 degrees outside he'd always say "It's snowin in St. Francisville!"

Missing a block, assignment, etc. - "If you were any stupider you wouldn't know it" and occasionally "You're so dumb you got lost falling out your Mom's pussy"

I remember a QB who wouldn't get right up under center and he said -"Put you hands up in there like you bought him dinner and a movie"

At jr. high basketball practice we would shoot around for like 15 minutes, then our coach would come in and we would start drills. Well after about 45 minutes, no coach. Looked in his office, outside if he was smoking, nowhere. We figured no practice and ran into the locker room, and there he was sitting on the toilet trying to squeeze one out. There were no doors to the shitters, and so he started to yell, get the hell out of here. Good times.

"It smells like a French whore house in here" referring to locker room

Getting ready to stretch before practice, our coach would always say "circle the wagon fellas, don't worry about the mule." Coach Ted Nixon

Denham Springs, late 90's, early 2000's. Can't remember his name be he was fat as frick and missing a finger and a half on his right hand. He would be sitting on his fat arse and hold up his hand with all his fingers stretched out and tell us to run 5 laps. We would get in trouble after running three or four and laughing at him.

I hated that son of a bitch.

Talked about perspective and believing you can win. He then gave everyone a picture that was an old woman's face one way or a young girl depending how you looked at it. Wrapped it up with "now do you want to go out and play like a bunch of old women or a bunch of young girls?!"

He had a way with words when we were watching film. A favorite was "you should have paid your way into the damn game" when somebody screwed up.

The best one of all was in a game when our OL was relly having a rough time. After yet another sack, he shuts off the film, looks over at the QB, and says with a deadpan expression, "damn, Mike, and you consider these guys your friends!"