What exactly do Baton Rouge Constables do?

They serve lawsuits.

They eyeball my junk at the urinal

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serve attachments and warrants and such.
Cushy job for sure.

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You don't know the half of it. They get a cut of the money at issue in the suit as well. So do Justice of the Peace. It is pretty much the best job ever if you are in a populated district.

The BR Constable is basically the City Court's law enforcement arm. So, while they have a lot (if not all) of the same powers as the BRPD, they specialize in the direct law enforcement needs of the court as opposed to the city as a whole. This pulls the burden of those tasks off of the BRPD and lets the BRPD focus on what people would typically think of as the police force's role.

Drive 10-15 mph over the speed limit and hit their sirens to run a red light.

Clocked me at a hundred and four

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for what, small claims recovered and the like?

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Ya, they get a Constable's Commission percentage of the amount at issue. They collect it as their fee for processing the recovery.

Bigger the suit amount, the bigger the commission, same work basically.

It's like the jackasses that occupy the weigh stations - sorta cops because they give out bullshite tickets, but not really respected by anyone.