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re: The Workplace Bragger- "One Upper Edition"
Posted on 1/29/17 at 6:18 pm to MetryMike
Posted on 1/29/17 at 6:18 pm to MetryMike
I work with a guy who claims he has a 9 inch dick. I put a ruler and a 20 dollar bill on the table. I told him to show me that his dick is 9 inches. If it is, he can have the 20, but if it isn't, he doesn't owe me anything but I don't want to hear another word about how big his dick is. He never put it up. Go figure. I know if mine was 9 inches, everyone at work would have seen it by now.
1
Posted on 1/29/17 at 7:44 pm to tigerstripedjacket
I had a boss who said he drives the ball 300 yards consistently (golf). We went and played one day and he couldn't even keep it in the fairway and was nowhere near 250 much less 300 yards. He said he isn't hitting it right because he is usually drinking when he plays golf because it helps him loosen up. I bought a round of beers and he had the same results. After about 4 beers, he said his swing was sloppy from drinking too much
Posted on 1/29/17 at 8:16 pm to Popths
Probably a grower, not a shower
Posted on 1/29/17 at 8:28 pm to Breesus
quote:
Same guy told me he once drove his Mustang so fast the back window just blew out of it.
Posted on 1/29/17 at 9:02 pm to tigerstripedjacket
A while back I worked at a place where 6 of the 10 employees all had vehicles that were pretty highly modified. Anyway, a large group of us went to the track the previous weekend and as we happened fo bring it up later in the week, this guy says to let him know the next time we were going to the track again. When one of the guys asked what he was going to drive, he said that he was going go drive his car.
He then makes the comment that he got the hookup from a really good mechanic his friends knows and got his transmission supercharged. Supposedly this "mechanic" convinced him to let him supercharge the transmission instead of the engine so no one would ever expect the car to be so damn fast.
While we all laughed pretty hard, I felt pretty bad for the guy bc he really had no idea he had been ripped off by a guy he thought was his friend.
He then makes the comment that he got the hookup from a really good mechanic his friends knows and got his transmission supercharged. Supposedly this "mechanic" convinced him to let him supercharge the transmission instead of the engine so no one would ever expect the car to be so damn fast.
While we all laughed pretty hard, I felt pretty bad for the guy bc he really had no idea he had been ripped off by a guy he thought was his friend.
Posted on 1/29/17 at 9:03 pm to tigerstripedjacket
quote:1 dude worked a job at about $12/hour but had non stop stories about all of his previous jobs, which were like executive level and high level day trader type stuff.
Every job site has the guy who makes up the biggest lies about his personal life. I'd love to hear some of the tall tales you've heard at your workplace
One of my favorites from him though was about him being on a cruise, and the captain of the ship catching a fish from the side of the cruise ship while it was docked. And he told the captain he could come up and show him how to best cook it later. So he did and all the chefs took notes then he enjoyed dinner with the captain. There were more absurd details that I can't think of at the moment.
Posted on 1/29/17 at 10:04 pm to JOHNN
quote:
He then makes the comment that he got the hookup from a really good mechanic his friends knows and got his transmission supercharged. Supposedly this "mechanic" convinced him to let him supercharge the transmission instead of the engine so no one would ever expect the car to be so damn fast.
Was this guy mentally challenged?
Posted on 1/29/17 at 10:54 pm to bigpetedatiga
Youreddit getting fricked in the up vote department...wish I could give you two.
Posted on 1/29/17 at 11:05 pm to Breesus
Lol, he would have to have to average like 190 miles an hour. 
I did let a friend drive the return trip in my parents Caprice, that we borrowed to take to Houston. The speedometer needle was missing from the 100 mph dash, off the charts. We made it from the 610 loop to Kenner in less than three and a half hours.
I was impressed. (except that he slammed the brakes so hard every time the radar detector chirped that we all went flying)
I did let a friend drive the return trip in my parents Caprice, that we borrowed to take to Houston. The speedometer needle was missing from the 100 mph dash, off the charts. We made it from the 610 loop to Kenner in less than three and a half hours.
I was impressed. (except that he slammed the brakes so hard every time the radar detector chirped that we all went flying)
This post was edited on 1/29/17 at 11:07 pm
Posted on 1/29/17 at 11:16 pm to TSLG
There was an NCO in my company named SGT Bourne. Whatever you'd done, wherever you'd been, he'd done it, it was better and faster and the women were hotter. And he'd butt in to every conversation.
We used to have fun at his expense though. For example, we're in the chow hall and I look at my buddy and say "deep sea fishing". Bourne comes right and and starts chiming in about all the fishing he'd done.
He was an alright guy though. Just a full of shite country boy.
We used to have fun at his expense though. For example, we're in the chow hall and I look at my buddy and say "deep sea fishing". Bourne comes right and and starts chiming in about all the fishing he'd done.
He was an alright guy though. Just a full of shite country boy.
Posted on 1/29/17 at 11:20 pm to Jones
I had a boss who claimed to be Army special forces. He may have been.
But any level of discomfort you may be feeling was nothing compared to what he endured in the Army.
"Man, its kind of hot in here"
"Hot? You dont know hot. Try laying in a ditch in Grenada "
"I'm a little tired"
"Tired? I once stayed up for 48 hours straight while in a fire fight with the Communists. Don't tell me about tired"
We started calling him Super Commando.
But any level of discomfort you may be feeling was nothing compared to what he endured in the Army.
"Man, its kind of hot in here"
"Hot? You dont know hot. Try laying in a ditch in Grenada "
"I'm a little tired"
"Tired? I once stayed up for 48 hours straight while in a fire fight with the Communists. Don't tell me about tired"
We started calling him Super Commando.
Posted on 1/29/17 at 11:32 pm to boxcarbarney
Co-worker of mine and his dad built the mall of Louisiana, they just didn't pay him yet.
His first car was a "4 banger" rolling 2300 hp. Jumped an old wood pile with it once and it landed perfectly on all four tires.
He went skydiving 1499 times because at 1500 jumps, he would've had to pay for instructor courses because they were short handed.
He had an 03 F250 work truck and raced a vette from airline at seigen to Hammond. He couldn't tell how fast he was going, but somewhere along the way, he looked back and the vette was a mile behind him. He lost control after running a stop sign, his seat with him strapped in flew out the truck, and he watched his truck flip 36 times.
That's just a few off the top of my head. He's got plenty.
His first car was a "4 banger" rolling 2300 hp. Jumped an old wood pile with it once and it landed perfectly on all four tires.
He went skydiving 1499 times because at 1500 jumps, he would've had to pay for instructor courses because they were short handed.
He had an 03 F250 work truck and raced a vette from airline at seigen to Hammond. He couldn't tell how fast he was going, but somewhere along the way, he looked back and the vette was a mile behind him. He lost control after running a stop sign, his seat with him strapped in flew out the truck, and he watched his truck flip 36 times.
That's just a few off the top of my head. He's got plenty.
Posted on 1/30/17 at 4:25 am to Breesus
quote:
Had a trucker once tell me he drove from New Orleans to Jackson Mississippi in an hour flat.
quote:
196 miles
He could have left at 1 am and arrived at 2 am, averaging 98 mph if it was during the daylight savings time change.
Posted on 1/30/17 at 5:10 am to tigerstripedjacket
One of my coworkers about 30 years ago claimed he had a time machine and told me I would be writing this post about him years later on a computer that I could hold in the palm of my hand. Darn if he wasn't right!
This post was edited on 1/30/17 at 5:14 am
Posted on 1/30/17 at 7:59 am to tigerstripedjacket
I'm that guy. But mine are all true, just hard to believe.
But I'm old and have done a lot, really isn't that hard to one up you kids.
But I'm old and have done a lot, really isn't that hard to one up you kids.
Posted on 1/30/17 at 8:08 am to TigerstuckinMS
This thread is great. Everyone is one upping everyone else's "one upper" story, ironic.
I bet the majority of the one uppers are a middle child.
I bet the majority of the one uppers are a middle child.
Posted on 1/30/17 at 9:09 pm to tigerstripedjacket
Posted on 1/30/17 at 9:34 pm to Breesus
quote:
Same guy told me he once drove his Mustang so fast the back window just blew out of it.
I experienced the soft top ripping off of a 65 Mustang convertible while riding with an idiot friend driving in excess of 100 MPH.
Posted on 1/30/17 at 9:37 pm to tigerstripedjacket
I went to LSU with one of those guys that never failed to hear some crazy story and then top it with one of his own. He was from New Roads. The stories always started, "I've got this friend..."
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