re: Need advice from fathers of older sons

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i get the drift a lot of people in this thread only have their kids as their responsibility and not employees, when you have employee's they have needs too , you have to work to make sure they have jobs so they can feed their families. Life isn't as simple as saying i'm not gonna work as much if you are in that boat.

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There are always exceptions here and there. I guess it's up to each individual to find a proper mix. Some go overboard with work and neglect their kids, and excuse it by thinking that they are a good provider.

Some go the opposite and justify being a shitty employee by never working a minute over 40 hours in a week, and excuse it by being a loving parent.

Like everything else in life, I'm thinking there is a happy medium between the 2?

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Like everything else in life, I'm thinking there is a happy medium between the 2

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my Dad sure found that medium, he never shorted us, and his employees considered him like family, he was always there for us, and his employees often would come to him for advice with their problems, he had no confusion as to his priorities, they were his God, his Family, and then everything else, when I was living in Chicago, I had a habit of showing up unannounced, because of a pretty erratic work schedule, one day I showed up at his office just before lunch, after we talked awhile, he looked at his arm like he was looking at a watch(he never wore one,) and said "I happen to know the bass are going to start schooling at 3:24, why don't we go down to the camp and go fishing?" me"OK" him"Ms. ****, call Bennett and change our lunch appt, to next week" in the next room I could hear her asking to change a meeting with Senator Johnston. I said, "you've got a meeting with Sen. Johnston, don't you need to go to that?" him"aw, I can have luch with Bennett any time, but it's not everyday I can go fishing with my son." that's the way he was, been gone ten years next month

It's a juggle but these are the prime years and you can't get that missed time back

I have four children.

When it's all said and done, it's the memories that matter.

You have your children for a few precious years. During those years they want to be around you and play with you, and to share their love with you. If you scorn the years you have with them, you'll be begging to hang out with them in the future, trying to get any chance you can with them. Money is not nearly as important as the time spent raising your child.

And frankly, I can readily afford to send all 5 of my children through 4 years of private-college without it hurting my pocket. But my wife and I decided not to do that. Our children will have to work for everything they want in life, just like we had to. I'm making each of them a promise when the time comes, "pay your way through college, and if you graduate, I'll pay off your debt". They need to learn the value of a dollar, not from just some random summer job in high school, but in tougher times trying to support themselves while funding their education.

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How did you handle it? Did you cut back at work? Is now the time to grind ahead since no one remembers life at 4 and slow down at say age 8 or 9?

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This song brought it home to me many years ago. Take heed: LINK

After 15 years of traveling across the country I finally found a job that paid decent and allowed me to be with my family. I have a soon to be 5 year old girl, soon to be 2 year old girl and a soon to be born girl. I do not have a college degree so therefore I have had to work extra to get where I am. Both my dad and my stepdad worked turn arounds in plants or offshore when I was growing up. I made due, but I also made note that when I had kids I would be there for them. I now cover a region that consists of 285 cellphone towers that I manage. I work from home. My truck is considered my daily office and my house is my "satelite" office. I get to drop my girls off every day. I also rocked my oldest to sleep every night and now I rock my youngest to sleep every night. My free time is spent with them. People always say that I should do stuff for myself and get out more but to be honest, I love my girls and my wife so much that I get bored when they are not around. I have the good fortune to be married to a CRNA so financially it is not a big deal. But I still make right at six figures and I literally work 8-5.

I guess what I am saying is, do what you have to do. But maybe there is a way for you to find that medium. Look for a job that allows you flexibility to be home more. I bring my oldest to dance every Wednesday. We often do Daddy/Daughter movie dates. And I am sure when my youngest and our unborn are older, the date will just grow to include them. Life is what you make it, don't get hung up on the superficial stuff and miss out on the important things. Your kid will remember what life was like at 4. I remember my life around that age.

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afford to send him to the college of his choice

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I fricking hate this term. What choice would he make if he was footing the bill? Save enough to send him there.

People spend way too much on a college education when no one really cares where you went.

Also, people talk about spending quality time with their children. Quality time can not be scheduled, you have to spend quantities of time with your children where quality time will happen.