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re: My father recently passed. I want to be there for my mother, but how?

Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:02 pm to
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
128950 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:02 pm to
So sorry for your loss. Just do what you think you can to help out your mom.


As for school, are you even capable of giving it 100% right now? If I lost a parent so unexpected like that I don't know if I could focus on school at the moment and would likely seriously consider taking a break.


Education is important, but taking a semester or 2 off isn't horrible and doesn't automatically mean you have given up on school.
Posted by Upperaltiger06
North Alabama
Member since Feb 2012
3946 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:02 pm to
Talk to her about it. Listen to her. Be there for her. Sorry for your loss, but none of us d-bags can give you advice advice as your mom....talk to her.
Posted by Corkfather
Houston
Member since Sep 2007
19748 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:05 pm to
You also lost someone too man. Don't get too caught up on what you need to do and being "the man of the house." You gotta do what's right for you, if not you'll be no good for anyone else.
Posted by NickyT
Patty's Pub
Member since Jan 2007
8612 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:05 pm to
quote:

much harder on a husband to lose his wife of many years and carry on


dealt with this my wife and her father, I had never seen the man break down before until he said "Ive worked so hard in my life to make sure my wife and kids are taken care of when I was gone and now it feels its that work and time is worth nothing"
Posted by NickyT
Patty's Pub
Member since Jan 2007
8612 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:06 pm to
quote:

You also lost someone too man. Don't get too caught up on what you need to do and being "the man of the house." You gotta do what's right for you, if not you'll be no good for anyone else.



Well said
Posted by RyseofRome
Member since Jul 2013
699 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:17 pm to
Seeing you graduate will help her more then money.
Posted by olemiss5931
Augusta, GA
Member since Apr 2012
2197 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:29 pm to
Hey man very sorry for your loss. I went through your same scenario a couple years ago. Lost my father to a heart attack a couple night before Christmas. He was 47 years old. Him and my mom has been married for 25 years, and had been high school sweethearts so it was super tough on her. She still has rough times, but it just takes time for things to heal. It will never be the same, but it gets better with time. I was 19 when it happened, and I have an older brother who was 26. We just try and call and talk to her everyday. See her whenever you can, and just do little things to surprise her. Get her things on valentines day etc. once again, I'm very sorry for your loss.
Posted by olemiss5931
Augusta, GA
Member since Apr 2012
2197 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:31 pm to
And like someone else said, don't try and be the big strong man all the time. Take a little alone time to just cry your eyes out (if that's how you deal with loss). I know that really helped me
Posted by UltimaParadox
Huntsville
Member since Nov 2008
40848 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:32 pm to
When my step-father passed three years ago, it was really tough on my mother. He died very suddenly of a heart attack. At first she wanted to sell everything and move closer to my family.

However after a few weeks had passed and many discussions. She decided to stay on her own for a while. I visited every Sunday for dinner. She was lucky she had some local friends to keep her busy some nights.

One of the biggest things to help was a dog.

Now it has been 3 years, time has helped and she is even out dating.

Good luck man, never easy
Posted by bamafan425
Jackson's Hole
Member since Jan 2009
25607 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:37 pm to
Can't even begin to think what you must be going through.

Some great advice in here. Thoughts and prayers to you man.
Posted by RyseofRome
Member since Jul 2013
699 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:38 pm to
You don't have any siblings? Im sorry for your loss. don't even want to think how I could go on if a close family member died. Life is worth living because of the people you spend it with.
Posted by Corkfather
Houston
Member since Sep 2007
19748 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:40 pm to
quote:

don't even want to think how I could go on if a close family member died.


It's not how you go on, it's just that you keep going. There's only one way to take things like that, one day at a time.
Posted by Ironbat31
Member since Jul 2013
805 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:45 pm to
quote:

One of the biggest things to help was a dog.


Great advice. They are mans best friend for a reason.
Posted by Dead Mike
Cell Block 4
Member since Mar 2010
3376 posts
Posted on 2/23/14 at 11:47 pm to
Make sure that she has her finances in order and a plan to keep everything sustained financially. I didn't do this in a similar situation, especially since I was still being supported by my remaining parent without a hint of trouble, only to find out after about a year that my parent was pretty much fricked financially.
Posted by rickyh
Positiger Nation
Member since Dec 2003
12457 posts
Posted on 2/24/14 at 12:41 am to
First I am sorry for your loss. Second, your parents did a great job raising you. Your mom needs you to stay in school and hit the books. Yous and her money situation could drastically change. If she can't help as much, you might have to pick up a part time job or get some kind of student loan. Depending on finances. My neighbors not far from where I live are dealing with this now. Things will work out. Call your mom when you can and just be there for her to talk too. Good luck and God Bless!
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