re: Most truly awkward moment on a date you've ever had

Where did she insert said tampon if she's bleeding too bad to go in and buy them?

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of course

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google

translate

from: English

"of course"


to: OT Baller

"Hell no!"

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Went out with this chick a few years ago, cute little blonde with a banging body. We hit it off pretty good and end up in the sack. To this day, she was the best lay I've ever had. We went at it for a while, then again the next morning.
Well, when it was time for me to roll out, she could no longer hold in all the cray cray she had been suppressing the night before.
Her: So what now?
Me: What do you mean?
Her: Where do we go from here?
Me: Um, let me see what I have going on but I'm sure we will get together again soon.
Her: No, that's not what I mean. I know we will hang out more.
Me: I'm confused, what are you looking for then?
Her: A commitment. I want to be with you.
Me: We've been on one date, I barely know you, I'm not quite ready for a commitment.
Her: But I love you and want to be with you, I need to know you aren't going to see other women.
Me: Whoa, this is getting weird. You're moving way too fast. I'm not even looking for a relationship right now.

She starts crying at this point and screaming at me. I don't recall she was saying, but she was pissed because I wasn't going to go into a committed relationship with her and I pointed out that she had already killed whatever chance there may have been of that happening.

So I end it with "I'm going to leave now" and left.

She still blew my phone up over the next couple of months.

Crazy Bitches

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"I hope that ruins the moment"... It did.

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rebel

i know you get a lot of shite for starting awful threads, but i want to say thank you for the attempts. every now and again you get a flash in the pan which produces some interesting reads.

Yeah, a broke clock is right twice a day!

This story is long, so I apologize in advance.

This one happened back in college. It was my senior year and I was slammed with 19 hours and a part time job. I get home from school one day, exhausted, way low on sleep, and bunged up because I hadn't even had time to take a dump all day. All I wanted to do was take a dump, take a shower, and go to sleep. Just as walk in the door (I'd moved back in with my parents to save some cash)My mom asks "Remember my friend Ms. Whatever? Well her niece has been in town all week visiting and she's bored, would you mind taking her out on a date tonight and showing her around LSU campus?"

Damn. I did NOT see that in my future evening, but hey, when my mom asks a favor, I gotta oblige. So I agree, jump in the shower, no time to take a shite, get ready, and go pick this chick up. She's a cheerleader at Northwestern, but they grow the girls kinda thick up there so it's not as good as it sounds. But OK fine, she's not a troll and it's just one date.

I take her out to Sports and since I knew the head bartender we start pounding free drinks. It turns out she's pretty cool, and after several beers she's not looking so thick either. Hell, other than still having to shite, I'm having a good time. We end up dancing and flirting and there's some chemistry going on.

As it gets later, things get hotter and she asks if I know somewhere we can go? Well, I'm NOT taking her back to my parents house, and I'm NOT taking her back to her aunts place, but I definitely want to get this girl naked now. So we jump in my truck and head back towards Central. things are cool on the drive, but in the back of my mind I'm in panic mode. I still have this massive dump on deck that's been brewing all day and it's just a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Also, I don't have a condom!

We pass a gas station and I quickly think, here's my chance to kill two birds with one stone. I say "I really need some water, I'm going to pop out and get some, be right back". Guys, you know how it is when you've been holding in a turdvalanch all day, and as you finally approach the opportunity to release it, all your muscles go from lock down mode to open the floodgates. I was fast walking across the parking lot beelining for the bathroom when I hit the door to the Stop and Rob and the mf'er is CLOSED! F*&K!

All I can do is try to shut the system down again and get back in the truck. But I persevere and head back to the woods between Biltmoore and Biltmoore II. I pull in to the trees and we start going at it. But my truck is a little Toyota, single cab with bench seat, and almost no room to maneuver. We open the doors to give some room but it's May, hot and humid as hell, and the mosquitoes start tearing our asses up. I get her cloths off and I'm down to boxers, but my stomach is gurgling, we're both sobering up, and the mosquito banquet is killing us. Finally, we both just can't take it and we get dressed and I bring her home. I manage to not shite myself as I walk her to the door, kiss her goodnight, and just as I turn to leave, a loudass fart escapes! I just kept walking to the truck, hoping I haven't sharted myself, and SPEED home.

I get home, take the worst dump of my life, and crawl in to bed. The next day I look in the mirror and I'm covered in bites and the bitch gave me a hicky!

I stumble to the kitchen and my mom says "Ms. Whatever called to thank you for taking niece out, she said she had a wonderful time"

I mumbled something and went back to bed.

When my now wife's phone rang and she didn't answer it...very odd

This is long, sorry in advance tl/dr:
I meet this smokin’ hot blonde girl it’s right before Y2K, we have lunch:

She: So, where do you work, (my name)?
Me: Initech.
She: In... yeah, what do you do there?
Me: I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch.
She: What's that?
Me: Well see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998? Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh... it doesn't really matter. I uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore.
She: You're just not gonna go?
Me: Yeah.
She: Won't you get fired?
Me: I don't know, but I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go.
She: So you're gonna quit?
Me: Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going.
She: When did you decide all that?
Me: About an hour ago.
She: Oh, really? About an hour ago... so you're gonna get another job?
Me: I don't think I'd like another job.
She: Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and...
Me: You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.
She: Well, so what do you wanna do?
Me: I wanna take you out to dinner, and then I wanna go back to my apartment and watch 'Kung Fu'. Do you ever watch 'Kung Fu'?
She: I love 'Kung Fu'.
Me: Channel 39.
She: Totally.
Me: You should come over and watch 'Kung Fu' tonight.
She: Ok.
[I nod]
She: Ok. Can we order lunch first?
[I nod again]
She: Ok.